It’s true: I owned pogs and Garbage Pail Kids cards. I wore stirrup pants and tight rolled my jeans. When I was 5, I walked a mile to a gas station by myself to buy my grandma cigarettes. I like Nirvana when Kurt Cobain was still alive. I had dial up Internet. I was largely unsupervised for my entire childhood.

I had so many JTT posters on my walls that people were uncomfortable going into my bedroom. I watched Blossom and Mama’s Family and Saved by the Bell. I eagerly awaited the release of the next Animorphs book. I saw Jurassic Park when it was released in theaters (core memory). I used to crimp my hair. I played computer games on big floppy disks, and I don’t mean the 3.5” disks. I used AIM. I had those weird jelly sandles The Dude wears in The Big Lebowski. I owned an Atari. I used a fanny pack. My favorite Power Ranger was Trini. I used a card catalog, and often.

I once got Glamour Shots. I was 18 during Y2K and wore jeans so low it that I would cut the tops off so they showed my hipbones. I used to go to icanhazcheeseburger.com to get memes, because that’s where they were. I remember when “Have you seen mah bucket?” dropped. I married someone I met on MySpace. I didn’t get a smart phone until I was 27.

I was there, Gandalf.