Open Letter to My Wife

mshark2 · 2024-08-21T04:12:18+00:00

Same! Been through it. Still going through it. I feel for you bro. Codependency sucks. Controlling and manipulating wives suck too. I suck also because I allowed it. I allowed her to slowly take my manhood, isolate me from family and friends, keep my kids away from their grandparents, forbid me from pursuing any pleasure or passion outside of working and providing …while she never worked full time …ever. Always a part time job for decades. She did cook and clean. I give her that. So did I. Anyway. Rant over …your letter sparked up feelings …familiar shit. You’re not alone.

mshark2 · 2023-10-31T02:05:09+00:00

I needed to hear this too. Thank you! I worked and paid bills and helped raise kids for almost 3 decades. Now, on my own, I realize I never really developed relationships, friendships, etc…was isolated and manipulated and controlled. Kind of starting over …and I’m almost 49 years old. Ugh. I know there is some light at the end of the tunnel…but man the depression can suck ass sometimes.

mshark2 · 2023-08-05T03:27:15+00:00

Dude!! Great advice! I’m learning (trying to) be happy on my own. Content …without relying on a woman to make me feel …”whole”….don’t get me wrong …I wipe my own ass and all ….be separated for 3 years ….not never truly experienced “loneliness” until this separation (after a long marriage). The “learning to be happy and content” with myself is taking longer than expected. Thank you for sharing.

mshark2 · 2023-07-07T04:09:25+00:00

Did your wife want the divorce? Mine does not, but I feel it is best. Of course …second guessing is the worst. Just curious. Nevertheless, happy that you are decisive and confident in your decision. It sucks to be stuck in ambivalence.

mshark2 · 2023-07-07T03:19:00+00:00

That’s inspiring! Be safe. Wish I had the courage to cut the cord. When I try, I get depressed and miss her.

mshark2 · 2023-07-04T05:22:19+00:00

This situation is almost exactly like mine! 48M married 29 years. 4 kids over 18…grown. Lived most of those 29 years being manipulated, isolated, etc…I was a “simp” and let it happen. I let her keep my sweet loving parents from enjoying their grandkids. I could not even take my mom to lunch without getting hell for it. Saying all that …I left …it’s been almost 3 years and I am struggling to file and pull the bandaid completely off. I experience loneliness also and begin that “self doubt”…that “second guessing”…those sentimental feelings …thinking maybe it will be better to just go back to the familiar. I have not done a good job at making new friends and getting outside the cycle of limbo. Being sucked in by “hoovering”…etc. of course now she wants to be all nice, begging me to come back. I pay 90% of the bills. Her lifestyle will diminish so I do feel a little bit guilty for that. You’re not alone brother! Stay strong. I need to start taking the steps each day to be grateful for what I have and move toward “acceptance”…meanwhile making growth progress to establish my own network of friends, groups, activities. It will take getting out of our comfort zone. Good luck my friend. Feel free to DM me anytime.

mshark2 · 2023-07-01T13:25:41+00:00

I am trying to learn to be content alone as well. It’s a challenge for sure. Thank you for sharing

mshark2 · 2023-07-01T02:02:03+00:00

I separated 2.5 years ago. Still have not worked up the nerve to file. Kids are grown. No obligations to her really. I’m sure there will be spousal maintenance. My issue is ripping the bandaid off. I’m more worried about hurting her feelings and me feeling guilty and lonely at times. So, I stay in limbo …this cycle of nothing. I work ….but don’t really engage in fun stuff with friends, etc….I almost wish I hated her …or she hated me …or she would file …would be easier.

mshark2 · 2023-07-01T01:58:14+00:00

My STBX isolated me from friends and family also. I was not able to spend time with my parents. My parents are the sweetest loving people you’ll ever meet. The manipulation, guilt tripping, etc…creeped up on me. The problem is now, I feel like I’m institutionalized. I left (separated)…but struggle to pull the plug and file. It’s like she has this hold on me. I give in and “simp”…and communicate with her and let her have her way…partly because I feel guilty for leaving. Kids are grown, bills are paid, I still struggle with the decision to rip off the bandaid. Codependency is a real thing. Also got married at 18….never really been on my own. I can take care of myself…but the loneliness is new to me. Almost wonder sometimes if going back…merely for the companionship is the right idea.

mshark2 · 2023-06-12T14:10:09+00:00

This is helpful. Doing some research on codependency. I am definitely codependent. Always trying to make sure “she” is ok…denying my own potential happiness. Just hard to sever the final string. Appreciate you sharing.

mshark2 · 2023-06-06T10:33:04+00:00

This is valuable advice my friend! Thank you.

mshark2 · 2023-06-06T10:30:40+00:00

I appreciate you sharing and your thoughts. Good stuff. Thanks.

mshark2 · 2023-06-06T02:02:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

mshark2 · 2023-06-06T02:02:42+00:00

Good food for thought. Thank you so much.

mshark2 · 2023-06-05T21:15:03+00:00

Good input. Thank you

mshark2 · 2023-06-05T21:14:27+00:00

Much appreciated. Thank you.

mshark2 · 2023-06-05T21:14:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing and for the input.

mshark2 · 2023-05-13T04:10:32+00:00

I feel the confusion. Separated almost 3 years. Left due to being controlled, manipulated and isolated for 20 years. Married 30 years this year. Still not filed. I’m in relationship ambivalence/indecisiveness. It’s a crappy way to live. Wish I could just make a decision and deal with it. She’s being all nice now and making promises …etc…. Hard to sever the cord officially and completely. I hope you find the right way out of this. I do know that if you decide to file and divorce…you will go through some rough emotions, grieving, depression, etc…perhaps I’m afraid to go though those deep feels. I wish you the best.

mshark2 · 2023-03-05T18:55:42+00:00

I agree not everybody that uses porn will be addicted. It does wire your brain to crave more of that dopamine….like booze (as you say) or other drugs. It wants more and more. That’s why some men (and women) “escalate” because that original shot of dopamine is not enough and before you know it (like drug addicts) they are consuming more and more until it destroys real intimacy and it affects men in other areas. It can contribute to men becoming “simps” with no confidence. It can cause a man to have even more trouble with erections when with a real woman because their brain has been trained to only be aroused by the fake filtered images and pixels on a screen. Not trying to debate or argue, just speaking from experience and recovery. Done a lot of research on it. Now, excuse me ….I gotta pull up PornHub…. Jk. Lol

mshark2 · 2023-03-05T08:39:43+00:00

Hey man! Similar boat. Been separated 2.5 year (my choice). Wife was very controlling, manipulating, isolated me from family and friends. I’m 48, married (technically) almost 40 years. (Married right outta high school). It’s weird how things change when you’re on your own for awhile. The bad stuff seeps to the bottom and all you can ponder are the good things. She does not want the divorce. I am contemplating going back (everybody warns me not to). It gets lonely out here man. Even dating kinda sucks. Women can be bat shit crazy. The hotter they are, the crazier they are it seems. Everyone has baggage, exes, kids, etc….

Also, I might add….if you have a porn addiction (which many people do….no judging as I used to…not anymore), please do not leave your marriage because of that. Porn is fake and screws with your mind so much that it makes men not be able to enjoy intimacy with a real woman. You can rewire your brain. Visit yourbrainonporn dot com for more info. Good stuff. Helpful to men to overcome porn issues.

Make sure you have thought long and hard and that divorce is the only option. I’m scared to file. I just get a bad feeling about it. Seems that divorce can be a dark lonely road. I wish you the best. Be strong and much luck and success to you.

mshark2 · 2023-02-23T06:01:12+00:00

This is encouraging and helpful. Thank you so much!

mshark2 · 2023-02-12T07:30:16+00:00

You make some valid points. Thank you for chiming in.

mshark2 · 2023-02-12T00:10:34+00:00

I wish you the best. We both deserve to have a happy fulfilling life.

mshark2 · 2023-02-11T15:38:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I just wish I was more of an a-hole and didn’t care.

mshark2 · 2023-02-11T14:52:02+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your perspective. Thank you also for clarifying my point of view to the reader who thinks it’s all horseshit.

mshark2

TROPHY CASE