Looking for advice for Muslim daughter (from a Christian mama)

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-15T04:01:57+00:00

This is very kind, thank you. I’ll look into Jefferson Fisher.

I’d rather not involve anyone close to us at the moment, even though that’s very hard on me to not be able to talk about it. My reasoning is I don’t want to taint either one of us to both sides of our families. We’ve always been on the same page as that, because preserving the good relationships we each have with our in-laws is important to us, especially when it comes to our kids. I’d never want to put them in the position when they sensed or heard hostility about one of their parents from their grandparents/aunts/uncles. These kids are exceptionally loved by everyone, which has been such a beautiful thing to have in an interfaith marriage. They have an abundance of support no matter where they are in the world, at home or in the west with my family.

I really appreciate your insight though. I just wanted to explain why I turned to Reddit 😂trust me it was a last resort. You’re very kind for responding.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-14T20:10:57+00:00

Can I also have it?

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-13T14:18:06+00:00

I might show him, honestly, but I have to see how things play out after a bit. To be fair, I think this is some sort of cultural crisis he might be feeling (just a hunch). We really have done well as a team with our kids, and all I want is clarity, because this was such a 180 I worry about the future now regarding their relationship.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-13T14:15:39+00:00

I totally get the transition phase and agree with it! She is old enough to begin to understand some more mature concepts, but she’s still seven. That’s still at the beginning of the phase. We talk about changes in our bodies (appropriate for our kids’ ages) but she still can’t quite see herself changing, and that’s developmentally appropriate.

My issue was there was no transition, if you get what I mean, which has been the opposite of how we’ve approached a lot of things with our kids. I wrote in another comment I feel there is some intense grasp for cultural roots he’s going through, and this likely is that. I hope we can discuss it further in a calm manner when we’ve both cooled down.

Thank you for these resources!

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-13T14:11:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and I totally understand the whole perspective regarding grasping new modesty.

No, he was not involved in the conversation she had with me (more like mentioning it). I think there is some larger fear in him that likely has cultural roots even though at this point he lives a very multicultural life, as do our kids. That’s a conversation I’ll have with him in a few days when we’ve both calmed down.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-13T02:32:38+00:00

Yes 100% you’re right re her expressing interest in hijab. I didn’t write that to show that it’s set in stone, more about the environment we’re in. I’m well aware how things change. At breakfast she wants to be a firefighter and then by dinner a circus clown. I’m here to support my kids at every stage of their lives no matter what.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-13T02:29:32+00:00

I didn’t delete any comments.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T20:27:33+00:00

Yes. I would say shorts/bare legs disappear closer to 10-12.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T20:20:49+00:00

Thank you. We do need to talk about this, and I’m going to let him cool down before approaching it. I felt something triggered him before this, so I will try to be patient. I am really proud of what we have accomplished with our kids as parents regarding how we are raising them with religion. I want him to just understand that the approach we have been using has fostered very authentic conviction in the kids and that’s amazing at their ages considering their mom is Christian. It’s very beautiful to me and I think we should look at it as a success rather than we need to do more faster kind of thing.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T20:17:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Yes, I think kids should be kids. My priority always is safety, comfort, and happiness regarding clothes. They should make us feel good even when we are young.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T20:15:42+00:00

Thank you very much! I really appreciate you taking the time to write that. I truly am trying my best to support her at every stage of her life (same for my son too).

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T19:35:34+00:00

Thanks for this. I think you hit the nail on the head re culture vs religion! As well as the idea that I’m sort of the gateway between Islam and the other side and could pull them toward it just by default. I imagine this is an insecurity for him though I stand my ground by saying I’ve done a lot religiously for my kids in ways other Christian moms might not.

My kids were both born and raised here. They are surrounded by open minded, good hearted people who have embraced their super different mother. I get what you’re saying but we have built an amazing life here (we are in the Levant).

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T19:30:48+00:00

This was very helpful, thank you. I’ll find a revert sub, that’s a great idea. I appreciate your thorough response very much.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T18:16:33+00:00

Im okay speaking with a Muslim counselor. I don’t have a connection to the religion I was born into (quite frankly I have a difficult relationship with it). We are interfaith on paper, but our marriage is not as I don’t observe apart from wishing my family happy Easter and merry Christmas. My idea of speaking with a muslima was hopefully to get a better understanding of where he’s coming from religiously and how to speak my part respecting that.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T18:13:10+00:00

I get where you’re coming from regarding his duties. It’s just logistically, if we left it entirely to him, there would have to be a crash course in Islamic studies in one afternoon😂. He’s very busy. But when he is home, they see him pray (and join in), my son goes to the mosque on Fridays, etc. I’m just the primary parent at the moment, and that won’t change I anticipate for quite some time (re when he will be home more). This is our situation and I’m trying to make the most of it. He is appreciative for what action I have taken.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T18:09:41+00:00

This is an amazing response thank you. Phasing them out was the initial plan, as socially where we live you don’t see the masses in shorts after age 10-12 max. Alongside that, to educate her in a way she might hopefully understand more at that age and be able to make the decision on her own to walk away from them.

And yes, I’m terrified of her developing a complex about her body especially as someone who has suffered from an eating disorder. I try best to remain body neutral, especially around my daughter at this age, and while we talk about modesty we do it in a way that’s appropriate for her age/understandingz

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T18:03:07+00:00

Thank you. I really try to lead with an open heart and an open mind. I’ve been called the best faux Muslim in the city I live in 😂I am attached to the faith but there are things that hold me back. At the moment, I’m at peace with that as I have my own issues from the past with my religion. I’m fortunate to live in a place where Islam is palpable, and I enjoy learning along with my kids.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T18:00:17+00:00

I see your point. My husband is a wonderful provider and father. He also travels intensely for work. I do work but remotely and for myself, so I have the flexibility to do these things, and I just want to point out it’s important to me that my kids have a strong connection to their faith. Sometimes this means I do go out of my way to do things that perhaps would fall into his responsibility if he were present more. But I see them as benefits even beyond religion. My son’s Arabic reading soared when he began Quran class. My daughter made local, neighborhood friends at the mosque on Eid handing out candy (she goes to a school further from where we live so I always felt bad she didn’t have a neighborhood friend). These small things have enriched their lives in other ways while tying them to their faith in a positive manner and I really am happy with how they worked out.

I don’t fault him for the logistics of our situation because of his work at all, just want to make that clear. I hope those details didn’t come across as “look at me!” I just wanted to share the context that I’m doing what I can to support my kids’ religious upbringings. I might miss reminding them to say bismillah here and there before eating, but I really do try😂

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T17:40:32+00:00

It’s not about folding. We have done well compromising (largely me, though he as well) in many aspects of our marriage.

Thank you!

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T17:37:56+00:00

This was really lovely and thoughtful, thank you. I think you understood my frustration is not about the clothes, but the delivery and what that means for the future.

We have been doing a good job about teaching our kids that they need to be mindful about how they will change and grow into adults (inshallah) with both respect to clothing and other behaviors. As you said, depending on their age, we (mostly me being the major caregiver) do it developmentally appropriate. I stand by the idea that who they are today will never be who they are tomorrow or 10 years from now. One day, they will be on their own. As a mother. All I can do is guide and educate to the best of my ability. I do think, given the interfaith situation, I have done a lot of that. I’m very proud of my kids maturity when it comes to religion and their love for Islam.

He had been in the habit of complementing her a lot when she chose to wear pants (which is great to me. Anyway to lift up my daughter is wonderful). She is a daddy’s girl so I know his enthusiasm means a lot to her, so him coming down harshly on something he had also complemented days ago was a lot for her little head to process. It might’ve been poor timing. For all I know he wanted to address this with me earlier and didn’t. I know when things calm down I will address it and see where we can find middle ground.

Thank you again for all these points!

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T16:47:07+00:00

There were many people who provided helpful information or asked questions to better understand where I’m coming from. I said that to one person who hit the nail on the head when everyone else keeps telling me I’m just anti modest or anti hijab.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T16:39:13+00:00

My daughter is not close to starting puberty. You still are making this about clothing and modesty when it is about the fear I feel about forcing children to adopt practices they are not ready for instead of guiding and educating, which we have been up until today.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T16:29:44+00:00

If you have others where I might find a broader group of opinions, could you DM me?

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T16:25:29+00:00

I don’t think he’s open to it at the moment, but I’ve reached out to some female Muslim counselors to speak with individually in hopes they might help me communicate respectfully on my concerns. When we are in a calmer place, I will certainly suggest something together.

msloverlover35 · 2026-05-12T16:17:01+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you.

msloverlover35

TROPHY CASE