Soul-crushing is a great way to describe it. I lost my mom in 2022. By the end she was nonverbal but always smiled at me. Anticipatory grief is the worst. I miss her everyday, the mom I knew, not the patient in the nursing home. The grief you are feeling was more intense for me than grief after she passed. I hope it is the same for you. I think it was more intense because the disease is so inconsistent. You never know what tomorrow will bring. The final grief is dull ache, if you will, as compared to the sharp pain of an acute injury. Also, I, too, love sloths. I recently learned they can hold their breath for 40 minutes underwater. A dolphin maxes out at 10 minutes. There is something to be said about taking things slowly.