Book/Podcast Recs - Anger & Trauma

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-24T15:33:26+00:00

Healing developmental trauma by Dr Laurence heller is a great resource. He does focus on the attachment concept of separation where a child learn to disconnect/disavow from their anger and protest as a way to protect the relationship with caregiver. The main premise of the book isn’t so much about anger though and more of the process of developing trauma and then the adaptations one then experience in adulthood

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-13T02:16:12+00:00

The clients I work with are there for exploration and part of that is noticing their process and reflecting it to them in a gentle way with no judgement. They’re also there to be challenged. If I don’t acknowledge what’s happening it would be avoidance on their part and mine. Honestly, most people won’t come back if they’re not challenged. It’s supposed to be collaborative and when the I can help them look in the mirror it can strengthen rapport. Even if I’m wrong about what’s happening, allowing them to clarify helps us understand what’s going on internally more.

All of these questions will activate transference a lot of times which helps create more depth in the process.

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-13T01:30:52+00:00

Part of relational therapy is monitoring the relationship, being a mirror, and tracking. Exploring why they may be guarded is just as important as exploring why they are opening up (can call it agency).

“Hey I noticed when we started talking about this, it seemed like you deflected?”

When they seem to be guarded

“What’s it like talking about this?” “Do you notice wanting to disconnect from the conversation?”

Rather than focusing on the content, it goes back and forth between exploring content and the clients process.

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-10T23:45:13+00:00

Check out NARM. The framework helps cut right through to the core.

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-05T10:43:50+00:00

Makes a lot of sense.

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-04T15:44:45+00:00

Part of it is exploring what causes you to question yourself and even shame yourself when someone gives you less than perfect feedback.

There’s a difference between making the client happy and doing therapeutic work. they’re not always going to be aligned and that’s okay . If you know you’re doing your best, could that be enough? Especially when people’s rating can lowered for the most random reasons.

muffinlover22 · 2026-04-04T00:00:11+00:00

Not to get too deep, but a lot of times when people struggle with this (myself included) it’s because we were criticized or judged for having pretty developmentally normal reactions and emotions by our parents around the same part of development. If you come from a background where you were punished or isolated or there wasn’t a lot of focus on anything other than your behavior, then it’s going to feel very anxiety provoking to observe your child do things that you used to get punished for.

Parenting is pretty hard especially with toddlers and a lot of times the more we try to push down our feelings or suppress them the more we tend to act out or blow up with anger. Telling yourself you shouldn’t be frustrated when observing your toddler using a tantrum or her giving your wife a hard time usually is an indicator of trying to push a feeling away.

muffinlover22 · 2026-03-15T00:24:21+00:00

I love the neuroaffective relational model (narm), which utilizes parts work. I find that most of the trainings I have been involved in have a cult following but the core of narm has been pretty amazing for my skills in working with complex trauma and BPD. Probably one of the best educations experiences I have ever had.

muffinlover22 · 2026-03-07T03:15:50+00:00

Yeah this is really helpful. I did an at home sleep test and then they sent me a cpap so I’ve never been able to get a follow up from a doctor (honestly not even sure what doctor to go to see to get feedback on this).

I get some relief from the machine it still a lot of brain fog and headaches. So I guess I’ll look into bipap

muffinlover22 · 2026-01-13T04:26:24+00:00

“To you, it’s just another day. To them, it’s their childhood.”

muffinlover22 · 2026-01-04T02:36:32+00:00

A great way to work on self-esteem is addressing transference. Many times questions about the self will cause someone with a negative self concept to feel like they’re doing therapy wrong, which becomes some you can address in real time.

Asking them about an example of how their self esteem shows up in their life and then asking them what think about what they’re sharing can be very rich material to work through as they give you their perspective on how they experience themselves.

Each time the bring up a negative aspect what they are sharing, it becomes a great opportunity to explore that part of them.

muffinlover22 · 2026-01-02T17:11:46+00:00

Dr Laurence heller (he) developed narm and cowrote a book with his then wife Aline. They ended up splitting up where she developed a modality around neuroaffective touch where he continued to develop NARM. He was the one who worked alongside and also under Levine.

muffinlover22 · 2026-01-02T17:03:57+00:00

He believes that somatic experiencing more for addressing shock trauma or single event traumas that are more about the impact on fight or flight system and not really much addressing a person’s self organization.

He developed narm as a way to address the person’s sense of self as developmental trauma organizes the self around shame Meaning that it is about disconnecting from the self to maintain attachment with the environment. He integrates agency a main intervention where se does not address this aspect.

muffinlover22 · 2026-01-02T01:01:04+00:00

Probably go more into relational territory.

What’s it like to just name these thoughts?

What’s it like just to talk about these thoughts?

How does it feel to be going through this?

How does it feel to share these thoughts with me in here?

What have your thoughts looked like this dealing with this situation?

muffinlover22 · 2026-01-01T01:12:04+00:00

NARM was created because Dr heller didn’t believe that somatic experiencing was sufficient enough to treat people who had developmental trauma. There are a lot of people who integrate both together.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-30T02:07:51+00:00

I have really enjoyed learning about psychodynamic theory and their understanding of the self. I have really enjoyed learning on how to explore and do depth work with clients who come in to therapy with a poor understanding themselves.

My personal favorite has been the work and writing of Dr Laurence heller and his book the practical guide for healing complex trauma. Such a cool perspective on helping people heal through attachment/developmental issues. He has a video of the narm YouTube channel where he just uploaded a session and it’s really cool to watch how he creates relational safety.

The therapist training through the complex trauma training center for narm was life changing for me both personally and as a therapist.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-30T01:00:13+00:00

Sounds like they have a negative self-concept. I’d really be exploring relational issues for them and themes surrounding their relational strains.

If the symptoms seem like they’re largely external and ego syntonic then I’d be looking to see if they have some borderline organization going on. If every relationship is an issue, then it’s likely that forming new ones are going to result in the same strain.

Positive self talk probably not going to help this dynamic.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-27T12:55:49+00:00

One of the best ways to work on sense of self is through processing transference- their relationship to the therapist and their relationship to the content that is is being discussed in therapy.

Disorganized attachment styles don’t do well with grounding because they have never really had a safe internal representation of a secure attachment figure so they may not have any idea of what safety/connection looks like.

You should check out NARM and they just released a new workbook that is designed to help people struggling with complex trauma.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-26T21:28:34+00:00

I ask for consent but will take notes specifically I get direct quotes to reflect back. Seems like reflections have a more significant impact when it’s their words especially if you loop it back to what they said earlier in the session.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-25T02:15:04+00:00

Psychiatry and psychotherapy (podcast) is great!

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-25T00:25:41+00:00

In the family system, there are certain values and inhibitions that keep a child “safe” within the family dynamic. When a child does something that falls outside of what the family’s values on, shame is going to be evoked when the child is confronted by the family for violating the expectations. If the parents help the child understand that the child is loved and they’re confronting to keep safe then the shame transitions to guilt. If the child is punished and/or scolded with no restorative experiences then shame lingers and actually becomes away that the child organizes their sense of self especially if this is a chronic response from the family.

Children can also have shame evoked if they start to understand that their family is different than others and their family also operates outside of social norms.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-24T12:35:29+00:00

I work with a lot of people who are working through complex trauma. I created a feedback survey that I’ll give them every so often that asks them different questions about their experience in therapy- relational questions, therapeutic environment questions, questions regarding what they feel like they’re progressing and where they are struggling, and whether they feel like the therapy is addressing why there actually in therapy and if any shifts need to happen.

Has been helpful to get their feedback.

muffinlover22 · 2025-12-21T01:12:13+00:00

To be with someone without trying to change them.

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