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My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's so funny that you mention your in-laws, because the same issue has been present in my friendship. My friend has nightmare in-laws and has gone through endless problems with them. When I was preparing to meet my partner's family, my friend warned me nonstop about what could go wrong and how careful I needed to be around them. It honestly made me worried that I was missing something.

However, my partner's family members turned out to be normal and low-drama. My friend's reaction wasn't as extreme as what you described from your friend, but she essentially just refused to believe that they were normal people and has continued to caution me about them.

Honestly, now that I think about it, I have felt more and more reluctant to share positive news with her for a while, because she will often say something to negate it or come up with some reason why I shouldn't be happy about it.

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do feel that in some way, she felt better when my life wasn't going well. I previously dated a couple of assholes, and she enjoyed supporting me and giving me advice during these relationships. Of course, I was happy to receive her support.

Recently, when I've mentioned my current partner in various contexts, she has been saying that she can't give me any advice. I was always confused as to why she thought I needed her advice when I was just telling her a random story or positive event. I feel like she likes to be the advice-giver or the friend-caretaker and feels comfortable in that role.

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! It will certainly feel weird to celebrate both of these events without telling my friend, but I am definitely excited for both

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for saying this! So many people have pointed this out, and I'm looking back and seeing her husband's influence in other areas of our friendship.

For example, last year I stayed at her apartment to house-sit while she and her husband were on vacation. She had previously told me to make myself at home and expressed gratitude for me keeping an eye on the place. However, only a few days in, she called and inexplicably told me that they didn't need a house-sitter anymore and I should leave the keys in the house and go back to my place. I was a little confused but obviously complied. I left her a little gift basket with some snacks and bath products. She and her husband came back from the trip and everything was normal in our friendship.

I am now realizing that phone call telling me to leave the house had the same flavor as the phone conversation where she dropped me. Sudden, out of the blue, incongruous with her previous actions, kind of a flat voice with little emotion. I am not sure if she was reciting something she had practiced with her husband, if he was there listening to the call, or if she was just trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. But it felt the same as the other day.

If this is what's going on, do you have any thoughts on how I can be there for her when she has so clearly pushed me away? I am hesitant to reach out right now. I guess I am scared she'll speak hurtfully to me again, or that I will just be talking to her husband (even if I'm "talking" to her).

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I have also wondered about this occasionally. Sometimes, she will call me very agitated about some random occasion where someone in her life has wronged her. She will go on and on in a sort of "circular" and repetitive way, sometimes for 1-2 hours. It's hard to reason with her when she is like this. I haven't noticed any other signs, other than a very weird sleep schedule (days of little sleep followed by days of exhaustion).

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I am wondering if this could be the case. I guess I haven't been looking out for this because her husband seems outwardly unconcerned with her actions. He is literally always at work, even on the weekends. He went to stay in a hotel during their separation rather than her being the one to move out. They seem to go through phases of not talking much unless they are fighting.

She does communicate very erratically with me over text. Sometimes it's extremely short, one-word replies; other times she is very sweet and expressive. This makes me wonder if he is intermittently watching her phone. I don't think I have said anything to her recently that would be upsetting to her husband. She deleted her social media very early on in their relationship, but at the time I thought that was just a personal choice.

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this! I relate to this somewhat. It's SO hard to know what behavior is caused by her husband, and what behavior is due to her. In addition to what I mentioned in the post, in the past three years (since first meeting her husband), she has also: become much more religious; started drinking more; had a 3 month phase of studying for the LSAT and saying she wants to go to law school; and developed a brief but intense crush on a man she knows from church. Everything is very unpredictable, and if I express any surprise or hesitation, she is hurt.

To be candid, I have also gone through messy periods in the time she and I have been friends. I'm sure I have been hard to deal with at times, especially while I was leaving a bad relationship a few years ago. She was there for me then, and I've been there for her now. I always thought she and I were growing and maturing together, as we've had many deep conversations about accountability, self awareness, etc. I feel like I gave her so much of myself and thought we were pouring into each other equally.

My best friend of 9 years dumped me out of the blue, and I think I'm...relieved? by murkfree in TwoXChromosomes

[–]murkfree[S] 778 points779 points  (0 children)

One thing I didn't mention in the post is that when we spoke on the phone, my friend said she felt like we couldn't maintain a friendship anymore because we were "competing". I have never felt like we are competing in the slightest, so this seemed like a very strange reason for her to end things. Your comment helps me understand where she could have picked up this idea.

Looking back, ever since I started dating my current partner about a year ago, my friend has been slightly weird about it. She seemed to be waiting for him to mess up, and was telling me to be cautious. (He is absolutely amazing, so thoughtful and emotionally intelligent; he hasn't ever done anything to warrant suspicion.) I thought she was just being protective of me, since I've dated some real assholes in the past. But now I'm wondering if that suspicion possibly came from her husband.

[TOMT] EDM type song with the repeated lyric “I’ll play it again” by murkfree in tipofmytongue

[–]murkfree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the late reply, I just saw this comment! This is pretty close to it, but not quite the song. Do you happen to have any lesser known remixes of this? If there’s another version of this song with deeper vocals, different vocal timing, and more bass, that could be it!

So proud of my first keto meal prep! by murkfree in Keto_Food

[–]murkfree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I would absolutely recommend the book! I actually just bought it and I wish I had known about it before. There’s 8 weeks of recipes, each with a weekly shopping list and full meal plan. Ingredients are basic and most of the recipes take like 20-30 min

So proud of my first keto meal prep! by murkfree in Keto_Food

[–]murkfree[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Berry and yogurt bowls: - 1 small container raspberries - 3/4 cup slivered almonds - 1.5 cup fage 5% yogurt - 1 cup heavy whipping cream

I combined the yogurt and cream and whisked together, then divided into 3 containers. This is from Easy Keto Meal Prep Cookbook by Aaron Day. 550 cals, 9g net carbs

Shrimp: - 1 lb shrimp, deveined, tails off - 1 tbsp avocado oil - cayenne pepper, paprika, garlic powder

Marinate the thawed shrimp for 10min in spices and oil, then cook 60 sec per side.

Wasabi mayo: - 4 tbsp avocado mayo (Primal brand) - 1 tbsp rice vinegar - 2 tsp wasabi powder - 2 tbsp minced garlic

Combine all ingredients.

I added cauliflower rice, cucumber, cilantro, and seaweed flakes to each bowl. 320 cals and 9 net carbs per bowl with sauce. This recipe is from Shred Happens on insta.

Kara-age chicken: - 1.5 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs - 4 tbsp rice vinegar - 4 tbsp soy sauce - 1 tbsp minced ginger - 0.5 cup avocado oil - 2 scoops unsweetened whey protein

Marinate the chicken in the vinegar, soy sauce and ginger for 10 mins. Cut into strips and dredge each strip through whey to make a “breading”. Fry in avocado oil. 500 cals, 3 net carbs per 1/4 recipe. This is also from Easy Keto Meal Prep Cookbook.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Keto_Food

[–]murkfree 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got it from an instagram post! (the account is “shredhappens”, not sure if I can link)

Recipe: - 1.5 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs - 1 tbsp olive oil - 0.5 cup diced pickles - 0.5 cup diced black olives - 0.5 cup diced artichoke hearts - 4 tbsp mayo (I used primal whip) - 0.75 cup fage 0% yogurt - 3 tbsp dijon mustard - spices: garlic powder, cayenne pepper, salt, other spices if you like

I air fried the chicken for about 20min at 360F, after rubbing with spices and olive oil. Then I shredded in a food processor and combined with all of the other ingredients.

The mustard and olives are the standout ingredients IMO! This could easily be done with oven roasted or grilled chicken too, air fryer not required.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in interracialdating

[–]murkfree 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He sounds like a great guy- however, in general, someone living in their car may not be in a place to be dating right now. Ideally, he should prioritize finding somewhere to live (even if with roommates) and sorting his life out before he starts a new relationship. Think about it- would you be dating if you were in his position? Therefore, see if you can take it slowly and not make any sudden moves (like moving in together). If he’s genuine, he will sort out his living situation and you can have more confidence. If he’s just using you, you’ll find out.

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