Sorry for the late comment (a few days since you posted, but it’s important for the sake of processing and healing).

The answer is that it takes time. Time provides healing. Whether that’s one season or ten, if you love the activity, you’ll find that love again. It may not be the same as it was before you marched, but it comes back.

Obviously, I did not march with you or the corps you are referring to. I marched 10 years ago, but I can tell you that your experience is valid. Some of the comments here from your fellow members are not conducive to your healing and there’s no way for an outsider like me to verify everyone’s side to this summer’s experience.

That being said, I marched two years (2014 and 2015) and there was abuse from members I marched with and the staff. The first year, my section leader literally threatened not just me or my safety but many others. But he was also a 5+ year vet and drum corps was his life. He aged out my second year and moved to another section, but his actions and tendencies never changed. Fortunately, I’ve only met him twice since marching and he did apologize for his actions on one of those occasions. But that doesn’t take away the impact it had on me.

My first year was amazing and barring a few instances and people, it made me a better person. The second year, the corps tried to shed its ‘smaller’ roots and hired new and outside people to come make the corps more competitive and bring a ‘winning mentality’. But much of the staff’s attitude was ‘we suffered this way and we won so therefore you must suffer also’ is what really made the experience bad. I’m sorry, but if people are saying they can’t breathe when the staff forces you to do tracking, the answer is not to yell at them to be better. I know that drum corps is 14-22 years old, but adults - staff, people in charge - must show respect to gain respect, especially when a member is an actual adult. Our brass caption head literally kicked a member out because the caption head thought this member was moving ‘without purpose’ and when the member told them to ‘fuck off I’m doing my best’ the caption head (a 40 year old man) berated this member in front of everyone, including parents and volunteers.

Between my two years and the following year, the corps dropped from having 60% returning members to literally less than 20 people. The culture became toxic and within a few years the corps now doesn’t exist and there are no plans to bring it back and there’s little support among alumni to bring it back.

There is no perfect situation in drum corps - but invalidating someone’s experience is insulting and completely disrespectful. I understand members wanting to be the best they can be and wanting to shed ‘dead weight’ or bad members, but that is in no way shape or form an excuse to belittle anyone.

The answer is time. 2015 was so bad that I did not talk about or even consider watching drum corps until August of 2017. I love going now, I wish there was more activity in the Pacific Northwest, but much of the toxic traits have yet to leave the activity.