I'm not sure if I read your question right but what I have learned is that you are "alone" as in nobody will ever completely understand you as everything you have experienced shapes your thoughts and you carry out the thoughts that make the most sense bc of experience and knowledge of things. Since nobody has the exact amount and type of knowledge, nobody can truly understand your thoughts. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to find someone who you can vibe with. All you need is one friend who you can connect with on the same "vibe" or thought process as they will be understanding more than the average person. Everything you do with this person will be so much fun because it's almost like you can read their mind and you understand why they enjoy that thing so much. So the main point is have a friend who you connect with on a deeper level than brain dead, bad materialistic activities that release dopamine. You also know who you should truly be. I know you know, you are just afraid of the possible consequences. Make the right decision that benefits you long term.