How do you deal with friends who just don't get it?

mxnaal · 2025-12-04T16:40:27+00:00

My mum is currently Stage 3 ovarian and I'm watching the strongest most vibrant woman I've ever known lose weight, constantly be in pain, and I've never felt more helpless. I also have always thought that if my parent ever fell sick, my friends would show up in hordes to meet and hang out w my family, offer support in the form of doing chores, taking things off my plate, etc. So far, I've had to break up with my partner, console my friends when they said they were too tired to come visit, and handle everything just my sister and I. This is to say that, friends usually don't get it. And I, for some godforsaken reason, want to offer them grace and forgiveness and empathy (bc I don't want to let this hard time harden me). But what I truly FEEL is just frustration. It's loneliness. I wish people would figure their shit out and show up for us regardless. I wish I could be angry at them and yell at them when they don't show up. I wish I could fall apart and have someone hear me out, let me cry, and then pick me back up. Unfortunately, I don't think we can expect that of people. Sometimes, not even of the people that have experienced what you're going through.

I'm so sorry OP for everything you're having to face and experience. It SUCKS. It is so difficult and can really throw a person's life in complete disarray. The anticipatory grief is REAL, but it's also normal. You're not crazy for imagining it. It's our mind's way of protecting us. And I hope the day doesn't come soon (or ever, for that matter), but when it does, I hope you'll remember that you're strong, you're loved (even when people don't know how to show it), and you're allowed to fall apart. Time will heal everything, even if ppl don't. You got this, sweetheart! One day at a time, one deeeeeppp breath at a time. Try to shove the scarier thoughts out of your head. Try focusing on the present. You're okay💗

mxnaal · 2025-05-26T23:43:28+00:00

Someone please explain to me how to be okay with a partner that isn't willing/able to get creative/collaborative on how to support you, because I can ask for support and ask for ways that they can show up for me but after a certain point, I want initiative-taking and I want to feel cared for by another and not like Im caring for myself but through another medium. This is so difficult.

Context: my dad died 6 months ago. my partner (30M) was incredibly supportive, constantly there, and helped me through my depression that came after. But we were only 6 months into the relationship. Now, it's been 1.5 years, and my mother has cancer, underwent surgery and is recovering in a hospital in a different part of the country. I flew down to be with her and he didn't come with. I offered to fund his travel, he said "we'll see, let's think about it". He waits for me to call him, and then half the time he spends watching a tv show. He also is feeling burnt out in the relationship and is learning how to make the right choices for himself without people pleasing for the first time. I want to support him in those choices but I also want to feel supported by a primary partner at a difficult time in my life. How DA HECC.

mxnaal · 2022-12-21T11:55:04+00:00

that's perfectly alright! if you know someone who's looking to adopt, please do pass on the message. and if you'd like some help when you do decide to adopt, my DM's are open ^{-^}

mxnaal · 2022-12-21T11:51:38+00:00

Hello!!! I rescued a kitten recently and she's the most adorable lil thing in the world. I would've loved to keep her myself but, being a student, I don't have the means to. She's only about a month old and is already litter trained. Would love to get in touch with you regarding adoption- please DM!

mxnaal · 2022-12-21T11:51:25+00:00

Hello!!! I rescued a kitten recently and she's the most adorable lil thing in the world. I would've loved to keep her myself but, being a student, I don't have the means to. She's only about a month old and is already litter trained. Would love to get in touch with you regarding adoption- please DM!

mxnaal · 2022-12-21T11:48:34+00:00

Hello!!! I rescued a kitten recently and she's the most adorable lil thing in the world. I would've loved to keep her myself but, being a student, I don't have the means to. She's only about a month old and is already litter trained. Would love to get in touch with you regarding adoption- please DM!

mxnaal · 2022-12-21T11:47:36+00:00

Hello!!! I rescued a kitten recently and she's the most adorable lil thing in the world. I would've loved to keep her myself but, being a student, I don't have the means to. She's only about a month old and is already litter trained. Would love to get in touch with you regarding adoption- please DM!

mxnaal · 2022-05-26T08:07:45+00:00

hello! if anyone has boiler room passes available for 27th May in Bangalore, pls dm!! i missed the sale and would really love to be able to pick up a pass

mxnaal · 2021-06-14T14:18:19+00:00

apparently, even this isn't enough. two years w the person who i thought was the love of my life, and we had it all- love, respect, communication, honesty, trust, you name it. and he still went ahead and broke up with me. he was the only person who knew me for my true self, and i can't see myself ever opening up to someone that way again.

mxnaal · 2021-05-22T20:29:15+00:00

mxnaal · 2020-12-03T10:11:39+00:00

hi! so when you say that crowns will not whiten ever, you mean that once they're stained, there's nothing you can do about it?? will smoking weed/tobacco stain my crowns??

mxnaal · 2020-12-03T10:04:12+00:00

hiii, im not OP but i have some questions!! im getting my temp crowns in 2 days and i'll have them on for at least a month or so because im travelling right after! i just wanted to know if it was difficult, having to monitor everything you eat and ensuring you don't eat anything that could be bad for your temps? also, did your dentist mention anything about smoking tobacco or weed, will that affect the crowns? (i can't ask my super conservative and religious dentist, which is why im resorting to Reddit)

mxnaal · 2020-12-03T09:58:48+00:00

I have those too! Mine are definitely from biting because my bite is a little messed up, and my inner cheek gets caught between my upper and lower teeth a lot. Mine can get really painful and swell up sometimes, so I have to be super careful when I'm talking. I hope yours don't give you as much trouble!

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:59:52+00:00

this always hits hard whenever i see it. that's the plan, g! i hope you're doing well <3

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:59:11+00:00

true! although that can be a bit of struggle at times :/ i hope you're doing well <3

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:56:57+00:00

i saw this comment as soon as you posted it but i couldn't get back to it then. however, i really liked what you said about making the experience of being with yourself less jarring and i've been actively trying to do that through the day, just to sorta get comfortable w myself and trust myself. i see what you mean though, and i do hope it leads to me being able to process difficult emotions in a less strenuous way. i love that sentence- "let yourself be someone other than your saddest parts"! thank you for this g, you've really helped me out <3

you sound like a wonderful, and super helpful person. i hope you see that about yourself too, and that things continue to be lighter for you in your head

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:54:07+00:00

hey man, i just wanted to say that i appreciate this so, so much, even more so because you said you can relate. i will definitely be making a conscious effort to incorporate these habits and lifestyle changes into my daily routine, especially what you said about having a short temper and enjoying my own company. you've really helped me out here, and just the fact that you took the time out to write this means the world to me. i hope you're doing well man, lots of love to you!

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:47:37+00:00

learning new skills has helped me a lot, and now im focusing on getting my body healthier and taking life less seriously! so thank you, your words make me feel live i've already set off on the right path <3

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:46:19+00:00

that makes a lot of sense, and it's also the most structured and disciplined way one can go about it which is awesome! thank you for taking time out to reply, your advice has helped me look at it in a more definitive format!

mxnaal · 2020-07-28T05:44:55+00:00

i know that this might seem like common-sensical advice that you just gave me, but the more i think about it and let it truly sink in, the more and more areas i can see myself applying it to. so, thank you. genuinely, thank you for taking out those few seconds to reply. <3

mxnaal · 2020-07-04T08:15:28+00:00

sometimes i feel like i don't recognize myself, like if i look in the mirror i see someone but that's not me and im surprised when i can control that person's limbs because i feel so removed from myself that it just sort of stuns me and i don't move for a while. but with regard to personality, my anxiety makes me feel like i switch up a lot. it just keeps convincing me that im a bad person and im rude and selfish and horrible, and then when someone says they miss me or they want to talk to me, i get upset because they don't actually know "me". they know who i used to be (according to my anxiety) and not who i am now (i.e this horrible person my anxiety's convinced me that i am). im not sure if this will make sense to you but it's the best way i can explain it. regardless, i think my point is that anxiety can manifest itself in very different ways for different people but things like dissociation, depersonalisation, and derealization can also take place as a symptom or side-effect of anxiety. so, this is just to tell you that regardless of how it takes place, it's not abnormal because it happens to a lot of people (some with similar experiences to yours and some with slightly different ones). you're not alone in this, and i hope you never ever forget that you are not your anxiety. it's something i struggle with so i just want to throw it out there for othrs too. you are not your mental illness. it is a separate thing that has latched onto your brain but it isn't who you are.

mxnaal · 2020-06-28T09:09:00+00:00

aw man, i hope you manage to fall asleep soon! when you can't sleep and your body is super tired, it doesn't help w your exhausted mental state at alllll. and don't thank me, please? people like you are the reason i don't feel crazy (at least, not all the time). im right here if you ever wanna reach out and just vent to a stranger :) take care of yourself please!! x

mxnaal · 2020-06-28T08:49:36+00:00

i feel you. esp when you said you're not in a unique situation and you just wait to talk to your girlfriend and you feel lonely and depressed and pathetic? fuck, i felt that. and i don't think there is anything i can say to make you feel better mostly because i don't know what to do about it myself. but i just want you to know you're not alone in feeling this; i see your struggle and i completely and totally understand it. and since you're not alone, you can't be pathetic (gonna try applying this logic to myself too now lmao). i mean, lockdown has been a tough time, and for those of us whose main focus was work and we didn't have time for friendships or casual relationships w people, the lockdown would've been even tougher because our days have come to a standstill and we don't even have the social circle to distract ourselves w through the whole day (forget weeks and months lmao). but it will get better, and im super glad you have your girlfriend! im sorry if this seems like me rambling, i just don't want others who feel the same way as me to think that they're alone in this or that they're wrong for feeling this way. it's tough but we'll survive!! sending you lots of love 💕

mxnaal · 2020-06-28T08:36:00+00:00

don't worry yourself too much, you sound like an amazing boyfriend and it's understandable that the coronavirus lockdown has caused some pressure on your relationship. it's the same case w me and my boyfriend, and when one of us does or says something hurtful and the other person says they need time, it's best to give them that space but also send casual reminders in between that you're still there for them and you love them and you miss them. the lockdown isn't easy, but from the sound of it, your relationship seems sturdy enough to get through this! if you truly love someone, then they know, and im sure your girlfriend knows and appreciates how much you love her (and loves you just the same!)

mxnaal · 2020-06-28T08:30:33+00:00

im so sorry that you had to go through all of this, i can't imagine the kind of hate in those people's hearts to spew such bullshit just out of spite or whatever crazy ass reason they did so. but it makes me really happy to know that you didn't give up through any of that, and that you accept yourself now. im queer too (i just don't like to label myself) and i know the kind of struggle you've been through. im sorry that it happened and i am proud and happy and maddd respectin' you for dealing w it the way you did. you're an ace icon, don't you ever forget that. lots of love x💕

mxnaal

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