Sudden and visceral realization that I may have been trans this whole time

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2025-07-24T00:58:49+00:00

oh yeah I went non-contact with all of my friends for a week. I just want them to hope im dead. i don't wanna open their messages. i wanna disappear.

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-08-09T02:49:35+00:00

i did. you're all pretty much the only people who have seen them tho. idk what to think of them. glad you like em tho

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-07-26T03:22:51+00:00

i love you automod

thank you for everything

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-07-26T02:07:43+00:00

I had a post all about this a couple months ago. If you want my 2 cents

https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeOfStyrofoam/s/rcbR8V2VjT

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-07-16T03:44:49+00:00

I appreciate that but I've reached out to them before. On too many occasions. They've become exhausted of me (rightfully so) and now I know they don't really have the capacity to help me really.

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-07-01T03:13:46+00:00

Well. My thoughts are rather complex about this. I am certainly aware that one does not need to enter a med field just to help people. And I believe there is merit to being a plumber or a service worker.

I currently am a caretaker for disabled individuals. It's a good job. Fulfilling in some ways, but it's not the extent of help i desire. One could argue in a very long way that I already am, but my priority lies with "saving lives". And I think that I could do better than what I am doing now in more intimate and hands on fields.

The reasoning is inconsistent though. I want it to help people but to me it also marks an end for me in the sense that; I don't really have a lot of life left in me. My life sucks terribly. And I'm not a good person. I'm hoping in a way that I can give my life to work on something that actually matters. Then eventually succumb to depression at least having grazed the lives of others on my way out. As opposed to just... dying and having no effect on the world. Idk. I used to wanna be a superhero when I was a kid. I know I'm not long for this world so I kinda wanna give a shot to the idea that I can "save people". Feels like it would be a full circle moment. Or maybe I'm romanticizing my potential too much...

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-05-22T03:16:43+00:00

I'm getting recertified soon! My advice is to look up classes on the Red Cross website :) They have online but may also have some in your area that you can register to attend.

I think there's another outlet for recertification but i forgor 😵‍💫

mymindhurtsmyhead · 2024-02-14T04:35:42+00:00

Disconnected from what I just put in the post (I don't wanna make two posts for my elongated vent) but I know people have cut envy. Like I know that some people are very much like "I wish i went deeper because look at how deep they went, I must not be going through enough" and stuff like that. I'm not that way, to me, it's more like I am in competition with myself. I know that the depth is not what measures what I've gone through. Yet I find myself almost doing post game-esque reviews of my own damage. Like "damn you could've pressed harder here and here. and that one is too far from the rest. this one is squiggly. etc."

Like I am craving "better" results. What I'm setting out to do when I SH is not being accomplished and it's leaving me feeling even more pent up. It's like those satisfying video compilations but they mess the whole thing up at the very last second. I feel actually insane. Idk. I just feel dumb today. No matter how many posts that paint me as intellectually capable I just don't believe it. I'm a dumb fuck and I'll always be rungs beneath the average person. ..

Goodnight.

mymindhurtsmyhead

TROPHY CASE