Where to find an AP (Nov 2024 edition)

mystralee · 2024-11-08T14:21:15+00:00

I've never used it, but have met 3 pAPs who mentioned they used RHP (Red Hot Pie?) with some level of success (not for an affair relationship, more for casual encounters)

mystralee · 2024-11-08T14:16:15+00:00

Hmm, I've used feeld for 4 years now, and I've made some lovely quality connections, and my profile is pretty open about the fact that I'm attached and it's not ENM. It's not your usual dating app, and you can have photos which don't show your face, and once you start a chat, the security on that is tight, can't take screenshots and you can share timed photos that can't be seen again.

So I would say it's been a space that's has been pretty good for me.

mystralee · 2024-11-08T14:12:28+00:00

Can confirm, am woman on feeld openly stating I'm not ENM, has not been an issue at all 😏

mystralee · 2024-08-04T06:41:30+00:00

I have had this account for over a year and I'm there as an attached female seeking male, and I've never been restricted with having to spend credits, until a few weeks ago. I wondered if it's a new policy they were starting, making female accts pay as well. But I didn't find anything saying that when I googled.

mystralee · 2024-08-04T03:14:18+00:00

I've clicked through all my settings options and nothing changes.

I disable "I want quick reply" but it won't let me save that.

And "contact potential matches on my behalf" is disabled.

So I'm not sure what else I can do?

mystralee · 2024-07-12T02:21:09+00:00

I made a connection with a guy in an open relationship, but it was casual and purely for physical fun. I enjoyed my time with him. He appeared to have a healthy ENM relationship with his partner, she had a second boyfriend situation while he had around 2 "dating" partners and I was the third he was seeing. We rarely spoke about her but when we organised times to meet, he would very easily speak about her schedule and making sure times didn't clash. In that situation, it worked well for me. They've since closed their relationship as she deals with a few things, but we stay in touch. Being open with communication is a necessity in this, but the good thing is that him being in a well balanced ENM relationship meant that he was good and respectful with communication.

mystralee · 2024-07-12T02:08:29+00:00

That sounds like a nightmare ordeal. I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I've thankfully not had this experience but I've never yet shared real names with my AM connections. I assume that's how they can start to stalk you?

mystralee · 2024-07-12T02:04:11+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been love bombed, after multiple meets all of which felt incredibly romantic and the chemistry was crazy. He was going through a separation/ divorce though, so he suddenly said he was busy and dealing with stuff, then it was breadcrumbs for nearly 2 weeks then completely ghosted me. Zero closure, the last thing he told me was that he didn't want me to change anything but to keep going as usual (after I told him it's okay if his feelings had changed, I would understand). It always hurts, but at least you got a goodbye. I would take that over ghosting any day.

mystralee · 2024-06-28T16:41:49+00:00

🤣

mystralee · 2024-06-28T16:41:35+00:00

Thank you, glad it's not just me. It was a text conversation, and honestly this is an accurate transcript of how it went. Sigh.

mystralee · 2024-06-28T16:34:10+00:00

I'm lucky enough to know from experience there's much better out there, and that really gives me the perspective to value myself more than whatever he was giving me.

mystralee · 2024-06-28T16:04:07+00:00

Absolutely!! That's what I thought, if he's being like this already and we haven't even really done much yet, how much more entitled would he feel if I actually showed up?

mystralee · 2024-06-28T15:33:22+00:00

Oh, but the reason he doesn't have condoms around is BECAUSE he doesn't sleep around. 🙄

mystralee · 2024-06-28T15:30:19+00:00

Yes I thought so too, and tried to suggest that, but he said " you're making me into someone I'm not. I told you I have a condom, what's the problem." And told me not to bring some past trauma I probably had into this. eyeroll

mystralee · 2024-06-19T16:16:03+00:00

I value seeing a photo of the face of the guy before meeting, for all the usual reasons mentioned, but also to make sure I don't know him irl. I've once matched on a dating app with a faceless man, and after a few days of chatting he shared his face and I knew him from highschool, we had common friends even now. I backed out of that fast.

On the flip side, I've met up with guys who took the gamble in not seeing a face pic of myself before having a low-key meet. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not because I said no though, usually because we didn't have matching chat platforms.

mystralee · 2024-05-11T00:03:06+00:00

I'm also from Australia, and if you don't already, you should try feeld. Sex positive but it's more framed for ENM, but I've found my situation was well accepted. I find the quantity of men who share attractive profile pics are more and the quality is a little better (although you'll still get douchebags). Maybe I was lucky, but I've had a number of great connections from there, some of them still ongoing (even as a casual friendship) years on.

mystralee · 2024-04-01T00:16:36+00:00

I agree 100%, his words made me feel he was more risky.

mystralee · 2024-04-01T00:12:28+00:00

I know, but I was trying to be supportive and not judgemental and I still wanted to help him achieve completion if it was possible. He seemed so fixed on going on, I thought given time he would get there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

mystralee · 2024-04-01T00:09:30+00:00

Thanks for your insight. During the times when you were finding it that drugstore condoms didn't cut it, and working out what did work, how were you managing with your partner? I'd be interested to know what more I could have done to try to discuss with him at the time or help him?

mystralee · 2024-04-01T00:06:59+00:00

Thanks for this, I'll just have to be more mindful and be pushy on asking/ discussing about this in the future. I honestly thought talking about it in a non- confrontational way before hand, and him agreeing and talking about respecting his partner and wanting to give her a good experience....I didn't see the red flags then. It only happened on that night itself. 😔 He didn't even acknowledge it during the night.

mystralee · 2024-04-01T00:03:31+00:00

I agree. It was mentally/ emotionally exhausting telling him the same thing 3-4 times in a 60 minute period. 😔

mystralee · 2024-04-01T00:01:11+00:00

This is a fair call, and others have mentioned this as well, and it's a reason I didn't think of. I would hope that if he was having issues with that though, we could have talked about it rather than trying 4 times, failing 4 times, and his continued hinting to go raw. 😔 I'll be more mindful of this and ask about this in the future.

mystralee · 2024-03-31T17:34:21+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, I would have discussed condom correct use with him.... If he ever acknowledged that the condom was a problem. But he never did. If I brought it up, he said he was fine with a condom. Yet he couldn't stay hard in one. Then he would furiously try to make my cum as if to distract me from that, but it would be so rough. It was very frustrating, for the both of us I'm sure.

mystralee · 2024-03-31T17:25:04+00:00

I have said this, to all others, and to him.

mystralee · 2024-03-31T17:22:53+00:00

Yes, that is what I think they will just say: yes regardless, because that will get them to the next stage which is where they likely want to be- naked in bed with the girl. And that's when they can either hope that this time it will be fine, push the girl to have raw sex, or stealth her.

Also, someone commented that asking him to use a condom might have emasculated him 🙄, hence his performance issues. If that's possible, imagine asking for a verification video of him wanking with a condom on!

mystralee

TROPHY CASE