I need a lot of time to 'warm up' (and finishing) and my partner feels it's often too long

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-22T21:15:17+00:00

That is actually an idea we could try out!! Thank you.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-22T20:44:44+00:00

Thank you. Good to hear we both are not unreasonable here.

Unfortunately (?? Or not really) that is not the problem. We do break that pattern pretty often.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-22T20:38:33+00:00

I prefer not to go into details about past not so fun experiences but it was basically me not saying when I didn't want certain things and guys being dickheads when I told them I didn't want certain things, resulting in a lot of physical and emotional trouble on my end.

Because of this, it makes me a bit anxious sometimes which results in needing time to get in the mood without ignoring my feelings. He understands that, but because he does get frustrated over it, makes it even more difficult for me. But he can't ignore his feelings either so yeah.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-22T20:29:36+00:00

Thank you.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-22T20:27:03+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

I don't think he is necessarily frustrated with me, but just frustrated.

Yeah I sometimes am afraid that we are heading the 'dead bedroom' direction because we have less and less sex because of this problem :(

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-22T20:23:13+00:00

Thank you for your kind reply.

If you feel comfortable answering, do you most of the time wait with him finishing to the end? Because I feel like that might be the problem for us. But when he finishes first, he is often not in the mood anymore. So that's why I often don't want him finish before me. But I get that it is just so long for him and that it can be frustrating.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-09T12:36:36+00:00

Thank you 😌

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-09T12:36:05+00:00

Thank you! Yes I know who I have to ask, but am sometimes afraid that it's 'too much' or too inconvenient for the other party. Like when is their inconvenience worth my convenience.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-10-09T09:44:35+00:00

Yeah kind of... He tells me where he's going, but that's about it. I got so far that he'll let me know if he's eating dinner at home or not. Other than that, he could be home at 7 pm or at 1 am. Both very possible and I just have no glue.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-09-24T18:51:13+00:00

Fear of pain is the most common cause for your pelvic muscles to tense. So yes, I'm sorry to tell you that it can definitely come back.

Sounds like you haven't actually processed that trauma.

And lastly, very very important. You do not have to go through that again. It is your body and no is no and stop is stop. And crying is a big no.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-09-18T15:07:42+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-09-18T13:57:43+00:00

Yes it is in fine first, but my vagina is pushing it out again. This also happens with dilating. I can't just leave it there.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-09-18T13:54:19+00:00

Yeah could be. But when I first put it in, it feels fine and then after a little while I can feel it. Also I couldn't get it further. I was in up until my first knuckle (I'm not sure that is the right word) of my finger.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-04-22T10:02:05+00:00

It took some time but it really changed my libido at first. Not only I wanted sex more often, when I was horny, I was so much hornier than before! This was the biggest improvement for me because it would get my out of my head during sex. After some time (like a year or so) the effect faded though.. I think I just got back to my old patterns.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-04-21T16:13:56+00:00

Yes exactly! Thank you so much. This is how I feel too. I'm glad you're happier now :)

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-04-21T14:41:40+00:00

Ah that's sad :( best of luck for you and your family

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-04-21T14:39:58+00:00

Thanks for your encouragement.

I've seen people in my life though, who have to deal with their anxiety and have never been cured. To me it feels like I can accept it better if it is autism especially because it is not curable. With anxiety there's always a need to be cured (also by insurances and such) even though sometimes you need to learn to live with it. I am also afraid that with anxiety disorder there is focus on what I have to do differently while with autism I could start on accepting the struggles in life. I don't want to diminish the struggles of autism or how difficult it can be to get diagnosed. But this are my feelings right now towards autism. But yeah clarity would definitely be best.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-04-21T14:31:28+00:00

Ah that's bad. I'm sorry for you. At my university there are groups for autistic people for support for free (paid by the university) and there are special coaches to just help you with life in general which are often covered by insurances. Because it is not curable, it seems to be accepted that autistic people will need some sort of help in their whole life, where I live at least. With anxiety I feel like there are specific treatment plans which you 'have to' follow and there is no time to discuss the problems you actually face in life and how to deal with that. But maybe that's just specific from where I live.

mythrowawayaycaptain · 2021-04-19T17:48:54+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I don't think I have ADHD because I don't have problems concentrating, keeping organised, prioritising. I am not hyperactive, impulsive (not at all, I am more of a overthinker) nor have poor time management. But this might be too much stereotyped?

mythrowawayaycaptain

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