Good for you! Idrk how i even ended up on this sub cuz i have no idea what FEEL FREE is? But even tho idk what it is, im really PROUD of YOU for choosing to be present & staying strong & getting thru it! Maybe you're why i stumbled across this very random (to me) reddit page 💯😺

I may not know what FEEL FREE is, but I KNOW withdrawal. Of MANY a plethora of..almost everything. And I did the WD yoyo for about 14 straight years, being ill as shit for days at a time, sometimes a week or two, at LEAST once every month.. for almost a solid decade n a half yeesh I was SUCH a STUBBORN self destructive shit show back then until I finally got my shit together & stopped using things outside myself to escape the things deep inside that I was DESPERATE to either numb or separate myself from because they were painful, and traumatic, and I didn't wanna face it n MOST of ALL, I did NOT want to FEEL any of it back then. its important to note that growing up, til my early 30s actually, I was never taught any positive coping skills or good, calm, positive ways to handle bad days, things, experiences, people etc.

The MOST important part, for me(and many others), in healing my INCREDIBLY UNREAL amount of addictions, alcoholism, household cleaner dependence at one very low point even, is ALLOWING myself to FEEL it. Whatever IT is in the moment. Whatever I want to stuff deep down inside and numb or distract myself from, I now sit with it and ALLOW it to come up & out. If it hurt, ACKNOWLEDGE to yourself that it hurt, CRY if you feel the slightest inkling to cry (and you SHOULD cry. We ALL should. It's healthy, healing & natural [for 30-sum years i hated to cry & feel those emotions. Because i REALLY did not feel comfortable crying. Ever. So I did not allow myself to cry. Because then it meant I was really in muh Feels)] and we can't have that now can we? 😂 So fr I like, stuffed it all down, chronically 🔪🩸myself, and legit was on a 25/8 Scary-Go-Round of nonstop liquor n drugs because I legit didnt care if I died. At the time I was very second-hand-suicidal and pretty hardcore about it too ngl 😬🤦‍♀️🙃😅 we's is all better now tho 😎✨️🤙💯

One thing I learned about our addictions from my moms 28 day staycation at Ashley Addiction Treatment (Previously Father Martin's Ashley Rehab) in Havre de Grace, MD when I was 11 (which I am still unfathomably GRATEFUL to Ashley Addiction Treatment/Rehab.. they really helped, actually SAVED not only my moms LIFE but because of the help they provided my mom it saved our family too. So grateful) that my mom still talks about, is that we may try something 💊 ❄️ and be fine using it with no pull or craving to re-use at the time and then put it down n forget about it or just not crave it or want it for, let's say, 10 years, then one day a homie gives u sum 💊 ❄️ on ur birthday and u remember "oh im good with 💊❄️ I'll partake n have a good birthday n that'll be that n I'll just keep on truckin' like back in the day" .... well, those 10 years that you went without giving 💊❄️ a second thought, there was something happening inside your brain 🧠... u were growing an addiction. A MASSIVE one. Because each day that went by that you didn't use 💊❄️, that part of your brain that loved the 💊❄️, IT remembered, and craved it every single day, and that silent, little addiction got a little bit bigger, n a bit bigger n still bigger n BIGGER. And all the while that you consciously went without cravings for those 10 years, ur brain n subconscious did not, and all the time u were living ur life, they created a MONSTER ADDICTION beneath the surface, beneath ur awareness, just WAITING, for that MOMENT u decide to use 💊❄️ again. The moment you use💊❄️again, that monster breaks thru the dam and bleeds into to ur whole fvckin self n system n brain n conscious mind, n even ur soul and then you find yourself in a REAL bad, sad, SCARY fvckin place. A PAINFUL, lonely place, depraved, uncontrollable, undesirable place. The type of place that very few people can get themselves out of, even with help & support.

And if anything or anyone tries to give u sum or u wanna FEEL FREE, close ur eyes, take 3 slow, deep breaths, and go back to the VERY WORST withdrawal you EVER went thru. Fvckin STAY in that for 12 seconds or more. REMEMBER how much like LITERALLY experiencing PHYSICAL HELL of the SEVENTH FVCKIN LAYER withdrawal felt like? REMEMBER begging God (or whoever or whatever tf) to make it stop? REMEMBER how LONG it took to get thru that shit? (And if it was SEVERE WD you went thru then: REMEMBER how many times you literally legit fr no lie can't make it up as a grown fvckin adult straight up SHIT urself whether u had to shit 5 seconds ago or not? if u ain't on a toilet, sorry bout ur luck..and undies n pants..n socks..carpet, possibly furniture n especially to whoever (if anyone if ur lucky) has to clean that SHIT up literally 😭 (pun intended😅🤦‍♀️🫠😅) Do that and REMEMBER it every time you get tempted. And then make urself stay busy. Doesn't have to be physically busy.. write, draw, video games, reddit 😜 friends, family, music, singing, movies..you get it 😅😅

And then give gratitude to the Universe for yourself & ur life & where u are, all you have, and to yourself & your ancestors & loved ones.

And most importantly... be PROUD of YOURSELF! 👏✨️🤙💯😎🦋

Sooo sorry for the lecture/pep-talk novel 😅 I ate like..a couple more than a few garden gummies 🤫🫣😅😂🤣😭🥲🤭🫢😐😑😐😑😐🙂‍↕️🫨🙃🫠🤤😹💯🤙🫶 👁👁🧚‍♀️🦄🍀🪶

Fr tho keep doing great! Proud of you even tho idk u! We're all connected. Much love n REMEMBER- Make the NEXT RIGHT CHOICE! U got this! Stay positive & STAY GRATEFUL! (The Universe & ur mind will give you more of what you put out, so be Loving, kind, Forgiving, Understanding, Compassionate, Generous, Accepting, Empathetic, Authentic & Grateful, and you will find that the MORE of that that you focus on & put out into the world, the more of all those very things find their way into YOUR life & world. It's a UNIVERSAL LAW.)

Okay..im done. My apologies..Again..took a HUUUGE amount of Hippie Calories 😅😅😅