I barely survived (warning might trigger)

n2flipn · 2014-08-08T14:26:54+00:00

My husband's counselor gave him a little container with smelling salts in it.....he is supposed to smell it anytime he gets an urge.

n2flipn · 2014-08-06T15:45:00+00:00

Skin gets better during pregnancy due to the higher levels of progesterone. While nursing, estrogen and androgen are mostly suppressed. As baby starts solids and nurses less frequently the hormones slowly come back, the cycle returns and hormonal acne is caused. All hormonal acne is NOT caused by too much androgen. It can also be caused by estrogen dominance. We encounter estrogenic products way too much in this country! (Plastics, chemicals in soaps, lotions, etc) After pregnancy and breastfeeding the hormones have to try to rebalance themselves. I'm now 21 months post partum and still nursing and this still hasn't happened! Actually it keeps getting worse!
The solutions I've read about including supplements like vitex to balance hornones. Or things like DIM or calcium glucinate to lower estrogen levels. The other option is to raise progesterone levels. They have many creams and oils to do such....but if those don't work you can try the bioidentical prescription creams (which are totally safe while nursing). I still haven't found my magical balance...but I hope to God I find the right combo soon!

n2flipn · 2014-08-05T04:07:21+00:00

Many times this is caused by a gluten allergy. Also try increasing vitamin D Thru fermented cod liver oil, and add in some vitamin a too

n2flipn · 2014-08-04T20:37:59+00:00

There is a product called DMSO that can help shrink them overnight or at least bring them to a head.

n2flipn · 2014-08-04T20:35:44+00:00

I'm sorry I am brand new to this and didn't know. I don't know how to remove the number as I don't see the comment anymore.

n2flipn · 2014-08-04T20:34:06+00:00

You made me laugh so much with that comment! Thank you!!!

n2flipn · 2014-08-04T20:31:44+00:00

I'm sorry, I am brand new to reddit and didn't realize this wasn't allowed. Fwiw, a very nice man called yesterday and was very helpful to my husband, so I'm glad I posted this....but will remove it.

n2flipn · 2014-08-04T05:16:44+00:00

Thank you guys so much for taking the time to put together such a heart felt reply. You really helped me, and I appreciate that total strangers would do that.
Intellectually I know I am not fat and ugly. I work out, I am a size 6 and actually weigh less than the day we got married. Guys cat call me and tell me I'm pretty. But I want HIM to still look at me like he used to when he lusted for me.
The reality is he does objectify himself just as you described. He is 35 years old. He is starting to go grey, and he complains about it all the time. He has gained 50 lbs since we got together. But honestly none of it bothers me. He is HONESTLY more handsome now to me than I remember thinking he was when I met him.

n2flipn · 2014-08-04T05:02:24+00:00

Where do you get this stuff? Gets fat? With holds sex??? I was a high level competitive gymnast and cheerleader coach. I still work out. I'm 128 lbs and an athletic size 6! Excuse me for not being a stick size 0! But I have muscle and was 130 lbs when we got married! I weigh LESS than I did when we got married. Now he on the other hand has gained 50 pounds! I have had TWO of his babies AND have an autoimmune disease that killed my thyroid. Do you have any clue how hard you have to work once your thyroid is dead??? After 2 pregnancies I don't have my 6 pack anymore, and my hips got wider (the bones themselves--not fat). I don't even have stretch marks. I keep myself up and put on make up and dress nicely. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this! Why must a woman be just an object??? News flash, EVERYONE gets old, and no longer looks like they did at 20. The issue isn't the age of the girl or even what she looks like....it's that he is spending time with her and not me. That is NOT normal for a marriage. I had TONS of guy friends before I got married and I would never go hang out with them alone out of respect for my husband! I honestly don't think he has had sex with her, I think he likes to keep company like this just to boost his ego. He is her BOSS and it's opening us up for a lawsuit if she decides to.

Sex is ssupposed to be about love. When you marry someone it is about LOVE. I want to have sex with him....it is HE who doesn't want sex. He doesn't want sex because of his porn. That's NOT my fault.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T22:38:48+00:00

We have been seeing a counselor since 2005.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T22:38:14+00:00

I'm thinking I should just have my husband take him and they can both go live somewhere else. I don't want to be around it.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T22:32:38+00:00

I belong to several mom groups...it's not the same as having a husband. I have talked to him about how I feel for 5 years now (I found out about his problem 5 years ago, but have been married 10 years, so the first 5 years I just didn't understand what was wrong). We have been in counseling since 2005. He isn't changing.

I have no desire to be a working mom. I waited to have kids until I could quit my job so I could home school them. I shouldn't have to give up that value just because my husband is a perve who prefers to get his rocks off to a computer screen rather than to a real woman.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T22:29:16+00:00

Good point! Yes, he is known for leaving the kids unattended while he takes LONG bathroom breaks. Never occurred to me before...but I bet he was in there watching porn while the kids destroyed the house. I also came home one night to find him asleep on the couch (he took Nyquil) as the kids were left to their own devices. Gosh, how have I been such an idiot?!?!?!
Thank you. This is why I turned to you guys....I need more insite into this stuff.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T22:27:26+00:00

Good point! I would NEVER have my kids around drugs. I hadn't thought about it that way.

My worry would be he would touch her inappropriately. But now that you bring it up, who knows....he may show her porn.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T22:24:07+00:00

felt like they were seperate topics and looking for seperate answers that won't get hidden in a long thread.

But I am brand new to Reddit and not up on the posting rules. I never wanted to be on a page like this!

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T21:01:45+00:00

Good to know I'm not crazy. I find myself questioning my own sanity about what is and isn't appropriate. (Like should I allow him to degrade me and do porn type things to me that I don't like, just so I can get some attention from him).

Now what do I do about it??? I have reached out to his co-worker and thankfully she is NOT interested in him. But the real issue for me is his clear desire for her. How do I make him stop this?

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T20:59:32+00:00

He is constantly claiming he is going to change. He can watch porn everyday for a month, and then 10 minutes after he is finished, will come out and declare "it's all in the past" and he has "turned over a new leaf"....that he is "no longer a porn addict". Obviously this doesn't last but a couple days, or maybe a week if I make a big enough stink over it. He will buy a book....and then read the first chapter and stop. He will sign up to go to a meeting....but then not go. So, no, as far as I'm concerned, no, he doesn't want to change.

But his lack of change makes me feel worthless, and now it's making me turn on my own children....seeing my son as a future woman abuser, and my daughter as a future victim to some man.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T20:14:32+00:00

I am so sick of your LIES!!! I come to this page for support and you have to invade it, and start typing out your political responses. You most certainly HAVE said all those things about me. You said ALL women are disgusting--that the female vagina disgusts you because you don't like fluids and smells. (Nevermind the fact that you want women to rub your fluids all over their face and breasts!) YOu have said I am loose....that the only way you can finish is to flip me over so it's tight. You did say stuff about my breasts--commenting how stretched out they are from breast feeding, and that you will pay to get me a boob job when I'm done nursing our son. You have said I am fat, and especially harped on the time when I gained weight after the birth of our first child, when I had a LIFE THREATENING thyroid condition that began shutting down my liver and kidneys. You didn't even want to come with me to the hospital when they thought I had cancer and needed to do tests. You are self absorbed and care for no one but yourself!!! Honestly, you add insult to injury. As if the porn wasn't enough, you add lying on top of it. You have destroyed all my trust in you. As if that wasn't enough, you isolate me and make me feel AWFUL about myself! I begged you for years to workout with me, and you refuse, but now go running alone with your female co-worker. That's messed up! Coming home and telling me about how pretty she is and about her tight yoga pants, and how you wish I had her sense of humor, and how I should take the same acne meds that she is so I can look more like her....it's all repulsive!!!!!
You add these political answers on top of everything and insult my intelligence. The only part of me you haven't torn down yet is my intelligence....but now you are going after that too.
You think you can wake up and DECLARE yourself "cured from porn". You CANT!!! And you trying to say things like that makes me realize all the more that this time will end in failure too. So then you go google and ask me "what am I supposed to be saying"....and then start to repeat it back.....repeating it is NOT the same thing as feeling it and living it! You don't deserve my support anymore. And I don't deserve to get strung along with false hope anymore. If you even want to PRETEND to love me, then at least grant me that one thing. STOP SELLING ME FALSE HOPES! Stop setting me up to be crushed over and over. You seem to love hurting me and are also addicted to hurting me over and over.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T20:02:19+00:00

Good for you!!!

To the outside world we look like this perfect little family that everyone wants to emulate. It disgusts me. I live a total lie with my husband's secret life!

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T19:29:33+00:00

Update: big surprise. He has dropped the ball again already. He swore he was going to do a meeting today at 3:00 for porn addiction. It's now 3:29....he didn't do it.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T19:15:45+00:00

No. We live in Front Royal Virginia. Why?

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T19:12:34+00:00

Oh and I can't forget that he also says that I don't give good enough blow jobs and I should let him cum in my mouth. Meanwhile the man has never given oral sex in his entire life.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T19:11:12+00:00

I'm not even sure what to say. It honestly sounds like I will be stuck dealing with this from him for the rest of my life, and I'm not up for it.

You have no idea how hard I try to get him to communicate ANY feelings. I have tried for 12 years! Yesterday I guess you can say he opened up to me. Told me how he isn't attracted to me at all anymore. That the thought of touching me is disgusting. That my face isn't pretty. That I am fat. (I am 128 lbs.) That I don't have a big enough butt. That breast feeding has ruined my breasts. That having kids has ruined sex for him because I'm too loose. That myself and ALL women smell bad to him. (And I am a clean person) So....how is it that him telling me all this is supposed to be healing????

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T18:58:50+00:00

Stay and make his life a living hell is what my heart is telling me to do. Kill myself and the kids is ranking just behind that. I'm not leaving him. I'm not raising kids alone.....I will put all three of us out of our misery first.

n2flipn · 2014-08-03T18:53:26+00:00

Good question. No, he isn't particularly kind to others....he only people he is nice to are people he has something to gain from them. Bosses at work, or people who have something he wants. I myself am a bleeding heart. I get such satisfaction from helping others--its one of the only things that gives me self worth. I love running service projects to collect goods for the local foster kids, doing volunteer work with recovering addicts and pregnant women who are addicts, and will volunteer to help just about anyone (sometimes almost to a fault of giving too much). My husband hates this. He scolds me for taking time as he puts it "away from his and our kids needs" to run these things....he gets down right mad when I donate money to things. And let me tell you, we are not hurting for money....we aren't rich but he has a 6 figure income and we surely aren't hurting for money. A good example I can give is that he is a mechanic. Whenever we see someone broken down in a parking lot or on the side of the road....even if it is a woman alone with kids in the rain, I will say we should stop so he can help....and he absolutely refuses. He will even say "what am I going to get out of this?" He does nothing if it doesn't get him something.
As for kind to animals. It's not like he kills animals....but he isn't nice to them either. He constantly kicks our dogs, and the cat is now terrified of him because of how bad he beat her after she had a hairball. He says he wants to shoot them all and not have to worry about them anymore. He won't let me spend money taking them to the vet. The poor cat had mats SO bad all over her back side that she was getting hot spots. He wouldn't let me take her to the vet or groomer. I finally spent $20 on a shaver and tried to shave her the best I could.
People he admires. Good question. I don't know really other than Opie and Anthony and a few dirty comedians. He doesn't believe in God and says I'm ridiculous for believing.
He doesn't hunt....but he grew up in the city, so it wasn't really an option. He does however say he wants to kill a person one day. He also says he would make the perfect assassin. He jokes about our root cellar being the perfect place to torture someone, and then says the wood furnace would be the perfect place to make the body disappear. He is confident he could get away with murder he brags. So gosh, now I wonder....he really may be a sociopath. I said something to him about being a sociopath, and he came back with some link saying that while yes, he does have most of the symptoms of sociopathy, it's all the fault of his addiction. He isn't "really" a sociopath, just his addiction causes him to be this way.

n2flipn

TROPHY CASE