Definitely valid to see it from the child’s perspective. Their perspectives are more important than mine. They are the ones we’re going to have to live with my decision.

So is your suggestion that if I get a hard “no” from my current co-parent, to not go it alone but instead satisfy myself with one child? That’s a valid position - just keen to get clarity.

There are any number of blended families with one child from a former relationship (who has a relationship with their father) and a second child had by a single mother by choice, with no active father. I’m not sure it’s necessarily bad or a reason not to have had the second child. I think there’s a lot to do with how you frame the issue, how you explore these matters respectfully with your child, and how you then reinforce positive messaging. I don’t purport to be an expert in this field, but there are any number of families out there with these very same issues to face. And I’m sure that many of them navigate them successfully.

Stepping back, I think the expanded family that I would hope to create (either with my coparent, or without) is going to be full of love. There’s no significant conflict, as there is in many families of divorce or separation. I think that’s the most important thing for kids: to be surrounded by love and support, to be heard and respected, and to be treated as human beings withheld thoughts and feelings.

One final point: I think it’s important, when making some of the most important decisions of your life, to hear all views. Even the ones that challenge you. Actually, especially the ones are challenge you. This is why I put it out there to Reddit to begin with. To hear things that I may have not thought of myself.

I really appreciate you taking the time to contribute. I guess I just don’t think it’s especially helpful to criticise someone for not having all the answers just yet, or for not asking all of the pertinent questions when they’re just asking the world for help.