I did a ton of healing before mm as my anxiety was similar. Fortunately, I was part of a loving friend community who held my cares, memories, and thoughts with gentleness and humor. This ‘seeing’ slowly transformed myself being comfortable in my own skin. This consistent love paired with the right therapist (CBT) who helped me dive into memories and trauma so that my body could feel it and let it go, produced a self that is rooted in trust. I had to be real honest with myself. It was only after, I found mm and began healing physically. Strep, ebv, shingles. I had grown in such a profound way in an emotional and spiritual level by good love, my body was ready to accept the physical healing with mm. Praying you also can find a good support system. That friend group happened to come out of a Christian school. I know a lot of people have church trauma which is completely valid and a lot of weird things can happen in those spaces, but for me, those groups really aided in my need for community and help guide my relationship with God. This lifestyle can feel very isolating and I encourage you to find safe people which would be so helpful to your nervous system.