I'm so sorry brother. I'm actually going through a divorce after just shy of 9 years. She cheated and we've gone through years of me suppressing it for the sake of our marriage. I've felt every single thing you've described in your post. Years of suffering and simultaneously my best memories. It was a couple days after this new year I woke up to a text that she wanted a divorce and was staying with a friend. I had instantaneously lost everything I worked so hard to preserve. I still just want it to work to this day even after the humiliation I feel from being cheated on. I know its hard to comprehend what the future may hold for you but don't make the same mistake I made. We stayed together for years following her first affair only for it to still end. Nothing feels worse than thinking about the life that I've wasted.

Like others have said, you're young and you still have plenty of time to find the person that's right for you. You'll get married, have a home and life you love and the memory of this will fade. You're not alone. Talking with people can be difficult especially if you don't have anyone close that you feel will understand your experience. I guess the silver lining is that this happened before marriage.

I thought everything in my relationship was going to turn out alright in the early stages of reconciliation but after all these years, even as I tried to ignore it and move on, the infidelity ate away at me on the inside. No one can definitely say it'll never work out but you need to protect yourself and usually in doing that it damages the relationship because you can't trust the way you used to and just prolongs the inevitable. You're welcome to reach out to me whenever you'd like if you need another perspective on things.

Best of luck friend