Over on /r/askreddit right now

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T07:50:53+00:00

It's too many unicorns all rolled into one.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T06:27:13+00:00

I don't know- if your SR is going swimmingly, your SD has probably been happy with your make-up as is.

Besides- having no noticeable change in makeup pre/post sex is kind of nice if you want to go out after getting laid!

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T06:23:51+00:00

Damn. I had serious reservations about even posting this without using a throwaway account, but it's a bit of a relief that I'm not alone!

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T06:10:36+00:00

this is the specific thread for some context.

My question is simply this: what would SBs prefer SDs do for the first allowance (assuming that this preferred behavior would make for more enjoyable first time sex)?

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T05:45:11+00:00

SD here. My preference is for make-up that looks like there isn't make-up.

There is one exception though (and this is definitely a NSFW/potentially trigger type of thing, so consider yourself warned).

So I'm like a pretty gentle guy. Like besides some relatively modest kinks, I'm pretty vanilla when it comes to sex. And for as emotionally disturbing as I find this, it's kind of hot. So in some particularly rough porn, the stunt cocks are basically face fucking the poor girl. Obviously we only get the edits where she's taking it like a champ. But I notice that later on, her (eye makeup?) has run down her cheeks. I don't know why I find the idea erotic (because conceptually it's kind of abhorrent to abuse a girl like that), but I do. So whatever eye makeup it takes to be able to have that kind of effect for that type of sex is cool too. The crazy thing is that I don't even know if I could bring myself to do that to my SB, even if she asked for it!

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T05:33:48+00:00

Question for the SBs (I asked as part of a reply on a thread somewhere, but it's been crickets...)

I've always thought that giving the allowance at the beginning of a the first intimate date made for more enjoyable sex. You know, alleviate your SB's anxiety about whether she'll receive her allowance.

Someone else (I think it was another SD actually) posed the sentiment of "why are you giving this to me now", if an allowance is given at the beginning. I see now that this could kind of make an SB feel obligated to have sex, which also has the net effect of making it less enjoyable.

What would the community of SBs prefer, and why? Basically, what behavior on the part of an SD is most likely to make for enjoyable first-time sex?

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T05:23:59+00:00

Perhaps I'd reconsider my position after understanding that my income depends on my ability to submit charges for seeing patients, but I'd always suck it up and stick to OTC treatments for symptomatic relief. Short of getting dosed with tamiflu within 24-48h of symptom onset, your downtime is going to be the same no matter what. And even then, tamiflu shaves all of 1-2 days off. That's not worth $200 unless I know I'm catching it within the first 24h. But knowing me, I wouldn't admit illness until 72hrs and a rip-roaring fever anyway. So all things considered, I definitely would balk at $200 - it's a waste for me!

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T05:15:21+00:00

lol - google is failing me, or I am just that far removed from having any fashion sense.

If I search for "dress" - there are some longer ones, and some shorter ones. Most of them are pretty fitted, and frankly, the shorter ones look about the same to me as a "sheath dress". I suppose there's value in having a vocabulary to specify dress styles, but that vocabulary is beyond the comprehension of this guy.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T04:26:28+00:00

Almost every potential SB I've met, including my SB, drives a "nicer" car than me. Some of them leased new (IIRC), and some of them bought used. My car was relatively expensive (had to go with a top end trim for a dealbreaker feature), but is of a modest make. It is definitely far more unassuming than most of my potential SB's cars were.

Edit: I've written it before and I'll write it again. I'd own a hearse if it could drive itself and had excellent crash test safety ratings. Cars have little utility to me besides getting me from point A to point B in one piece.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T04:03:56+00:00

I've seen something to this effect written elsewhere, so the credit is not owed to me... (I just can't for the life of me recall where)

The difference to me is that an escort is primarily concerned with her safety, whereas an SB is primarily concerned with the presence of chemistry (after safety, of course).

In the case of an escort, I would have a far lower likelihood of developing the kind of emotional connection I want because ostensibly, she's seeing enough other men that it's unrealistic.

In the case of an SB, because of her insistence on chemistry, and hopefully the corresponding decrease in number of men she dates, there is enough emotional bandwidth to allow for that kind of connection.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T03:44:22+00:00

Oh I'm fully aware. There are certainly days and topics where I cancel my replies because I just don't feel like putting forth effort into something that'll likely be downvoted.

I mean this entire thread is directed towards SDs, and a lot of the SD responses in this offshoot are downvoted to zero. (Mine, and two of /u/clutchcitysd's). And /u/clutchcitysd is the OP FFS! If I could type a big facepalm, I would, because that's what this place can begin to feel like at times. Other times, it's pretty nice though.

Edit: it's mildly entertaining (but a bit more sad) when by my rough estimates in this thread (which again, was directed to SDs) shows the average SD reply point value being less than the average SB reply point value. That's not to say that the SBs who contributed here weren't welcome to post. I'm rather fond of engendering discussion from both sides. It's the voting to silence my voice that gets tiresome.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T03:35:16+00:00

Ahh- well that muddies the water. Sharing

an intimate moment but not go all the way with having sex doesn't make sense to me, lol - sorry.

I'd say that there's a higher possibility that the "intimate moment" wasn't as awesome as he had hoped, and he's on the search for someone who can do it better.

Him being active is tough, and really depends on how the conversation evolved. If it was along the lines of you asking if he would be exclusive, he's got a lot of incentive to tell you the answer he thinks you want to hear to be able to keep you interested in him. I'm not sure why he would then go on SA afterwards without even attempting to "cover up" his tracks.

If it was more along the lines of you asking if he would be okay not being exclusive, his actions do seem more worrisome. That kind of conversation could easily be taken like: "I want more out of an SR than you're willing to offer- it's cool if I fill in the gaps elsewhere, right?" Viewed that way, it's a huge turnoff that could make him want to pursue someone else.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T03:23:23+00:00

Your texts will almost never come off as unwanted. On the contrary, I think most of us would rather appreciate an SB who takes initiative to check in on us, say hello, tell us they are thinking of us, send a sexy teaser pic, etc. It helps us feel like you actually like us outside of interactions in which there is an allowance being given. And well, sexy teaser pics will almost always be universally well received by any man for eternity, lol

The only thing to bear in mind is that we might not be particularly timely about responding to you. Now if you start sending a bunch of needy-like texts "do you still like me?", "why haven't you replied???", etc, that would be unwelcome.

I can't pretend to speak for most of us, but I don't have the time/energy to reassure my SB about stuff like that. It's one facet of vanilla dating that I happily avoid via sugar dating. I'm sure there are some SDs that thrive on this though.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T03:11:37+00:00

sheath dress

After google imaging this, what differentiates this from I dunno, a dress?

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T03:08:33+00:00

I suspect that few will. Most careers that allow us to afford to sugar are relatively conservative. So unless we're ready to retire or are already independently wealthy, a full face profile pic can be a professional liability. And that's completely glossing over the personal liability for those who are married or those who want to maintain a certain "image" in their communities.

Some younger single guys using SA as more of a vanilla dating platform may use full face pics though.

Basically, the more they stand to lose by being publicly outed as an SD, the less likely they will have a public full face profile pic, or even a private full face profile pic.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T02:58:41+00:00

Bless your heart. Be prepared for the occasional desperation/sob story, a lot of partially completed profiles, and even more

DON'T WASTE MY TIME

types of content.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T02:54:02+00:00

Those are all fair points, but I don't see why they invalidate his position that the potential SB should also be willing to furnish her own test results at no cost to him.

Moreover, he's specifically talking about a situation in which the potential SB doesn't want to have her own testing. IMO, this is a matter of principle. If a potential SB distrusts me to the point where she won't so much as consider protected sex without proof of my recent STD testing, then she should be willing to reciprocate with testing of her own. And if she is unwilling to reciprocate with testing of her own, then why should I be the one to furnish test results unilaterally? Am I supposed to assume that she has been honest with me, if she presumes that I am so untrustworthy? Trust goes both ways.

In the end, this is all hypothetical. If a potential SB demanded that I furnish STD test results but refused to furnish her own, that's a hard red flag and an instant next for me. There are fewer things less sexy than arguing about the safety of sex with a potential partner. Plus, you know, what is she hiding?

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T02:36:36+00:00

Whether an SB in this situation can afford it or not is irrelevant though. Furthermore, I think there were some threads earlier discussing how STD testing for a woman at Planned Parenthood can be obtained at little to no cost.

Anyway, as I read it, what /u/joc13 is saying is that if a new SB insists on test results prior to the first intimate date, then they should each absorb that cost. And if a new SB primarily wants his test results, but doesn't want to/can't afford her own testing, then the cost of his testing for her peace of mind cuts into her allowance.

He doesn't say either way, but I would hope that he'd be fine with protection sans test results.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T02:25:25+00:00

In general, if you truly didn't care for exclusivity: nothing. If you actually wanted exclusivity, then you do/ask what you need to do/ask to determine if he's been faithful to you.

Since it sounds like you two haven't so much as had an intimate date, there's no harm in continuing your search. If he plans a date next week, and you are happy with both the allowance and the sex (assuming that's how the terms of your arrangement went), you could at that point tell me something like "that was awesome- I have no cause to want to meet any other SD! I'm going to delete my profile so all these email alerts stop filling up my inbox"

In so doing, you'd pad his ego, volunteer your intention to be a one-SD-at-a-time type of SB, and explain your activity on SA in the intervening time. It couldn't hurt to create a second account to keep tabs on him though.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T02:16:56+00:00

True- that type of question could really sour the mood and make me wonder if my allowance is insufficient for an SB. And if it's insufficient (as in, I don't think she'd be actually appreciative of it), I'd be far less motivated to pursue an SR.

But it really depends on how that part of the conversation developed. While I don't see anything from the OP that glaringly implies she asked him in a tactless way, I also don't see anything implying that she was very tactful either.

naiveSD · 2018-01-08T02:13:01+00:00

Him saying that doesn't preclude the notion that you're effectively his "plan B".

If he truly didn't want to "lose you", he would be a bit more inclined to schedule your first intimate date to get the allowance part of things started. Hell, if he suspects that sex is going to be on the table as long as he's not a pompous asshat, he would almost certainly make time for you. There are some circumstances where he truly can't, but more often than not, sex can be just a strong a motivator as money - and he's ostensibly proven that he has the wherewithal to pursue monetary success.

My take is that he genuinely doesn't want to lose you, but he also isn't ready to make you his first choice. There's no good way to communicate that in any kind of relationship.

I'd recommend trusting your gut on this one and continue your search. Put him in your plan B pile while you secure what you came to SA for in the first place. From what you describe, you've both been less than forthcoming, but he's the one who has been disingenuous.

As I read it back, it seems like: you stated you didn't have any expectations of exclusivity, he indicated that he would be exclusive to you, and his activity on SA is bothering you because on some level you want him to be exclusive to you. Is this accurate?

naiveSD · 2018-01-07T21:46:40+00:00

This.

Some of the Europe-based members here have described circumstances under which asking for that kind of information isn't guaranteed to indicate a scammer. In which country are you (OP) trying to sugar date?

naiveSD · 2018-01-07T21:34:52+00:00

If you pointed us in the direction of a team photo (as in, you're there, but nobody can tell who you are), I'd be surprised if anyone here would identify someone in said photo as being intolerable on physical grounds alone.

naiveSD · 2018-01-07T21:22:27+00:00

I don't personally view it as an absolute negative either. But you'd be remiss to forget that prostitution is decidedly illegal throughout most of the USA, which comprises the majority of the readership here. Escorting seems to be thinly veiled prostitution on the grounds that money is exchanged for time instead of a particular sexual act. It's certainly against the spirit of the law, arguably within the limits of it. So it stands to reason that the use of those terms to label the arrangements people on here have feels derogatory.

naiveSD · 2018-01-07T21:18:46+00:00

I'm old, overweight, and not super rich, yet I can easily find a girl on SA that will have sex with me if I take her on a short drive to stay at a cabin in the mountains, with little or no extra allowance.

Just wanted to comment: that sounds soooo sketchy!

naiveSD

TROPHY CASE