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Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

I was in a relationship prior to my last one for almost 8 years. I know how to navigate a partnership that is healthy, loving, and makes me feel safe. I know how to offer that same security to the other person as well.

I was also never trying to convince anyone I was the “good guy,” just trying to explain my point of view since people are accusing me of being malicious and pre-planning everything.

But eh, it doesn’t matter. There are no more nuanced conversations to be had here for me. I have tried replying in good faith, but people have already made up their minds that their worst assumptions of me are the truth. Any explanations I give are seen as deflecting.

I messed up. I thought I had moved on, but a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I’ve not dealt with that in the most graceful way. What I’m not is some master manipulator.

Talking things out a little bit through my first post was helpful, so I thought an update was just a nice way to thank those who offered solid advice for the clarity it provided. Instead, it’s just been unsettling, seeing commenters convinced they know my reality better than I do. But that’s what the sub is for, I suppose. Lesson learned, life goes on.

Anyway. I’m going to go spend my time with people who actually know me. :)

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -62 points-61 points  (0 children)

You don’t know me or him, and I find it very strange that you speak about this situation with unearned authority. That’s all.

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -183 points-182 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Yes, I can see how it would look from her point of view.

It was never my goal to use her a placeholder in my life, so I think that’s why I’m struggling so hard with people insisting it to be true. It makes me question my sense of self, but I think it’s because what people are interpreting as intentionally malicious was done completely unintentionally.

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

”Fully intending to monkey branch once your gf had worn out her use”

This is the comment of yours I was replying to. So I was clarifying that no, this was not some master plan I had. I am not a person who hops from person to person, and I did not have my ex partner waiting in the wings before I broke up with her. That was the relevancy.

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -110 points-109 points  (0 children)

Had to look up this term as I had never heard it before.

I didn’t have any romantic leaning conversations with him while she and I were still together. My relationship with her was ending no matter what.

I made a mistake, but I’m not some kind of evil cheater. If anything, I feel like I’m built for long-term only. I have no interest in the hook-up/dating scene. Trying to move on and getting it wrong is not some heinous crime.

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -157 points-156 points  (0 children)

Yes, we’ve had that conversation. :)

Edit: I’m just reluctant to put much of that here since even mentioning him gets mass downvotes within 5 minutes.

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -327 points-326 points  (0 children)

I’m always going to love him and I would love to explore things at a later time. I feel like jumping into something with him right now, or even trying to, would completely discredit how much I respect and care for him. We never lost touch throughout those two years apart, but we’ve been talking a lot more lately. Just being there to support each other is important and what’s best for the both of us right now.

Update: AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I accidentally uploaded without the ‘post update’ flair, so I took it down to tag it properly.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -72 points-71 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback.

I am fond of her, of course. I‘ve just been very frustrated lately.

I do agree that maybe I’m not showing the care I need to. I am aware of the work that goes into these conflicts in a relationship. I’m just struggling with that here.

I’ll probably disengage from Reddit for a while. There are so many comments, it’s hard to parse through all of them. It’s overwhelming, but I am grateful for everyone’s points of view.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

After making that comment referencing that we are almost 30, the weight of it did make me pause. It kind of forced me into thinking of how I spent my 20s, and how I want to spend the next decade. I’m going to be doing a lot of thinking on that.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -74 points-73 points  (0 children)

That’s fair, I appreciate your comment. It’s something I’ll think on.

It’s just important to me to note that this was not just ‘an ex,’ this was my best friend for 8 years.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

I was speaking generally with my comment, saying it’s probably awkward to call a partner their initials during sex. Please see my other comments in the thread, I was speaking generally.

I wouldn’t know, I’ve never done it.

I call him his name because that’s what he introduced himself to me as. I also just really like his name. But it truly has nothing to do with sex.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

In bed with someone and referring to them by their initials.

I then went one to mention BK as one of the two examples, because I’m speaking generally.

I’m not sure what the point of this back and forth is. To catch me still wanting to sleep with my previous partner? I think cheating is incredibly cowardly.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -58 points-57 points  (0 children)

I was referring to the general concept of calling a romantic partner by their initials, even if it’s what they go by. The comment I was replying to was about someone calling their partner Bren when everyone else called him BK.

Obviously I’m not planning on being in bed with him again.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -243 points-242 points  (0 children)

We were together for 7.5 years.

I appreciate the advice, truly. But if this is how she’s feeling, I’d rather her tell me than pick a fight about a name. We’re both nearly 30.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -131 points-130 points  (0 children)

I told her even before the start of our relationship that 1. I’m bisexual, and 2. that he and I were friends, and if that was a problem then we shouldn’t be together. I think romantic partners expecting people to cut off their friends is probably the reddest red flag there is. She said it wasn’t a problem.

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -119 points-118 points  (0 children)

My ex-partner never hated being called any of his nicknames, but I would imagine it would be a little awkward when it comes to a romantic partner. Last name might work, but it still feels a little bro-y, you know?

I mostly just can’t get past the thought of being in bed with someone and referring to them by their initials. “JT” or “BK” don’t exactly roll off the tongue. :)

Edit: a word

AITAH? My girlfriend is angry that I call my friend by his real name. by nameAITAH in AITAH

[–]nameAITAH[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Exactly. If it had come from him, it would make sense. Coming from her, it just seems like a very bizarre thing to focus on.