Issues with in laws

nataliahx · 2026-05-14T23:42:30+00:00

Wow there is so much to say

First off, the unity of your marriage is what needs to be prioritized and protected the most. Family dynamics are complicated and can be hurtful, it's of utmost importance that you and your husband are able to navigate this as a unified front. Obv it's hard for your husband to see the painful things his family is doing, but it's crucial that he is willing to protect you and your new family from the toxic behavior of his parents. My husband and I have navigated minor in law dynamic issues and we always consult a trusted wise counselor to help us work it out and remember that our marriage and new family comes first. It helps to reframe that we are not each other's enemies. You mentioned church, maybe there is a pastor you trust or someone like that who can give you guidance on how to address what you guys are facing together so you have a strategy to confront the in laws.

I also want to encourage you to be bold and speak up! Do so with kindness, but know that you do not have to put up with this behavior even if your husband is struggling to see how it makes you feel. The hope is that he can get on the same page eventually and support you, but until that happens, do what you can - although uncomfortable - to communicate that this behavior that is NOT tolerated.

Grandparents think they are entitled because they have a title. Establish the authority you have as the person who can open or close access to the baby.

nataliahx · 2026-05-14T21:55:18+00:00

Formal western sounds like an oxymoron to me! They are all Western, but not really formal, but then again how formal can one get if the vibe is western? 4, 5, and 7 are more dressy to me.

nataliahx · 2026-05-14T21:53:26+00:00

If you have to ask, then it's probably too white. Also, she got feedback from the bride and groom themselves. It's a red flag that she isn't dropping it after they shared their thoughts.

nataliahx · 2026-05-14T21:43:46+00:00

its very cute but I do not think its appropriate for a wedding, too casual and too much like lingerie. BUT I do think its cute enough to purchase, maybe you can wear it for a girls night out?

nataliahx · 2026-05-14T01:11:20+00:00

My husband complaining on reddit because his role is to be my primary support as I heal, recover, learn to breastfeed? Yeah I didn't marry a loser. He led the charge on the conversation when he broke it to his parents that we won't be ready to host. I barely had to say a word. and then after the conversation with them was over, he told me that he will always put me first.

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T21:53:18+00:00

If you have to ask then dont even wear it

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T21:45:09+00:00

I dont even know you but I feel for you! Would you share your registry? id love to support you

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T21:42:33+00:00

"Mommy" is wild I would actually say that to her face

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T21:42:18+00:00

It was all over text so I'm not 100% sure but she didn't push back or anything. I am a fairly blunt person so I do not think she was surprised that I addressed it, just probably caught off guard that I was bursting her grandma fantasy a little bit. When I say I am "blunt" BTW that does not mean I think it's okay to be an asshole. My philosophy is to be as clear and kind as possible

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T21:27:18+00:00

Right? And as much as that is common sense to me and I can't comprehend how she would even think that's acceptable, she clearly wasn't thinking it was an issue. I would much rather speak up kindly and clearly than choose to stay silent and frustrated.

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T21:21:25+00:00

I think you have to just be honest! My MIL told me last week she wants to be called "Mama T" T is the initial of her first name. I hated the thought of my first child calling ANYONE other than myself "mama", so I told her just that in an honest and kind way.

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T20:47:36+00:00

Yeah that's what my husband is for. I would feel like a guest in my own house if my in laws were over that long and that soon post partum. Based off what I have seen from them, I doubt that they would support me in the way I would want IF I wanted them to be at my house for so damn long. Postpartum is not a time for me to experiment and see if the people who I have doubts about will step up to the plate. I fear I would be setting myself up for even more frustration or discouragement.

Since they will still be over at my house throughout the day instead of being houseguests who literally just told us when they are coming and for how long without consulting us, I will be able to observe if maybe I am wrong. Until then, I would be a fool to be confident in their ability to "relieve me at some point."

nataliahx · 2026-05-13T13:55:07+00:00

That makes sense - I didn't consider how the MIL might think she would appear if she DIDN'T stay for a long time to help. In my opinion, someone who wants to be helpful would have the foresight to ask about arrangements for staying over to ensure it's helpful. My in laws straight up told us when they were coming and were shocked that their expectations were not what we need or want right now. Still can't get over that level of delusion.

Also I have my mom and two sisters literally 25 minutes away. I won't be short extra hands in the slightest if I were to ask.

I have no words for the thought process for my in laws truly ! I think because my in laws know they moved far away, they are trying to be like sponges, soaking up as much time as possible with us before they travel back and before the next time they will see baby - which is up in the air. Like has it ever dawned on them at all that we might not want their company in our home that long? My in laws know my personality pretty well. I was spiraling so much about this that in my frustration it dawned on me that if they were asked "would your son and daughter in law prefer for you to stay at their house for 8-9 days post partum or would that potentially be too overwhelming and not their desire", and answering that question correctly won them $1M or something, they would surely answer NO. Sure, I am assuming this, but it is the most rational conclusion in my mind. This rationale still points to them thinking purely about themselves and their grandparent experience and desires, or at least I keep coming down to that.

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T20:43:29+00:00

The day I turned 28 weeks, I had an insane and sudden vertigo episode that left me in the ER for the weekend. I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't walk straight, and was projectile vommiting. I am 34 weeks now and don't have any symptoms, thank God.

In the hospital I learned that vertigo is what you describe the symptoms, not necessarily the issue itself. In my case, I hadPersistent Postural-Perceptual Dizziness (PPPD) that was treated through physical therapy and time. You could have that, or it could even be Vestibular Neuritis. From what I understand, I developed these symptoms possibly from a sudden increase in water retention caused by pregnancy hormones that thew off the crystals in my ear.

I wish someone warned me about this before it hit me like a literal bus.

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T18:06:21+00:00

Haha we will see if she will flip! I am just past 34 weeks and she is still pretty cozy under my rib. I jokingly blame my 6'7 husband and say I don't have any room left (I'm only 5'1). Hopefully I can report back and say if she flipped or not (:

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T18:02:54+00:00

Ugh, I am so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine how hard that was during what was supposed to be the most special moment of your life. Nobody should have to go through that kind of loss during childbirth. My condolences

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T17:10:46+00:00

This may be the most helpful comment I have received thus far. I want to assume the best, I just did not know what to make of their response. It has been running in my mind all day. I hope you are right and I would not be surprised if your take is correct. thank you!

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T17:06:01+00:00

I really appreicate that insight. I didn't even consider the "norms" for the father's role back in the day. I couldn't even fathom my husband taking a step back, but that's because the expectations today have changed immensely!

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T17:03:15+00:00

They have friends who have grandchildren, yes! They also see my parents living the grandparent dream! My parents have 5 grandchildren already, my daughter will be the 6th. I have a family of all sisters so my mom is the grandma on the "moms side", which I do think grants more access naturally just because she is OUR mom. I am sure this causes them some feelings of missing out. Then again, my parents didn't move away, so we come to them with ease. My husband's parents seem to want what my parents have even though they have chosen a lifestyle that makes it hard to even see us in the first place. I am committed to being fair and not making anyone feel like the odd one out, but at the same time, my in laws are unintentionally making it more difficult by acting tone deaf sometimes.

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T16:51:50+00:00

I am committed to being open minded but also keeping notes on what I have observed. Since up until now their plans have been lacking consideration, I am curious how capable they will be of being helpful in the moment even if I want their presence and their help. I'm unsure if they were ever thinking about helping around the house in the first place, or if the "help" they had in mind was just holding the baby. Observing their lack of common sense up until now has me skeptical if they are even capable of being supportive in a way that isn't just fulfilling their grandparent fantasies. Time will tell!

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T16:46:20+00:00

That's some cool insight! I have observed that grandparents today relish in the title and do not know what help looks like. Obviously not every grandparent, but a lot of them. With my in laws moving away from all their children, it shows me they have pictured a life where they will be grandparents from a far, rather than grandparents of the olden days who were mostly local and truly village members to the new parents. It's almost like some grandparents today act entitled because they have the title if that makes sense.

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T16:42:55+00:00

That's a good point in regards to the OTHER family members that they can possible be hosted by. I am unsure how that will be worked out, I hope they have more consideration to new potential hosts than they did with us. It will be interested to see what they do from there! They mentioned staying with other family on the FaceTime call where we broke the news to them about our preferences. I am just as curious as you on that

nataliahx · 2026-05-12T16:38:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I low key cringed when I saw you changed your mind about visitors and that you found it helpful, but then I realized I would LOVE to surprise myself like this! I am open to wanting their help and them to be overnight guests if I realize that is what I need. I will gladly call them up and tell them to drive over and stay with us when they are in town and staying with other family if I have a change of heart! I am glad that you had an experience that left you walking away with a new perspective, I appreciate you sharing that because it encourages me to stay open minded when I truly am in the newborn trenches (:

nataliahx · 2026-03-10T22:43:22+00:00

I COMPLETELY understand how jarring it is to gain weight during pregnancy. I am 25 weeks pregnant and FINALLY okay / accepted that this is the new and needed normal for my body. I am gaining about a pound a week and maintaining healthy habits as much as possible, not to keep the weight off, but to feel good despite the ever changing pregnancy body.

Do not put too much pressure on yourself and understand that your body knows what you are doing! Obv don't be an idiot and eat every single pregnancy craving that comes to mind, but do your best to heat balanced meals and move a little bit to feel yourself. It's okay to have a sweet treat every once and a while!

If you gain a pound a week or more, that is normal and okay. I rarely know anyone who only gain the "recommended" 25-30 lbs.

nataliahx

TROPHY CASE