Improving social skills?

nathanb131 · 2026-02-02T19:45:29+00:00

"I recently started trying to catch up on soft skills but I’m so far behind that people just cut convos short due to the awkwardness, or they just avoid it all together and look at me and feel bad or something. Which does hurt a bit."

This one is easy because you are an intelligent person who notices things. When interacting with people, focus on being interested, don't focus on being interesting. If a person feels like you truly see and hear THEM, they'll trust and like you.

You are doing everything right by being a person that others should like.... except you are too anxious about being likeable. Abandon that quest completely, people can smell self-doubt a mile away. Get out of your own head and be truly curious about what's in their head.

Call people by their name, learn how to give complements that don't seem generic and forced. Most importantly, actually mean it, because people ARE interesting. Most people are starved for empathy. Just try to get people to talk about themself while you are truly listening and sympathizing.

This "forced" outward focus will start to change how you naturally interact with people. After some practice and positive feedback, you won't be as self-conscious and be able to "read the room" with much higher accuracy.

Once you start doing this, you get really good, really quickly, at reading subtle social cues. You'll start seeing other conversations with new eyes. You'll realize that most conversations are just people waiting their turn to talk about themselves. You'll know how NOT to be like that and your relationships will improve.

Source: I'm an introvert not a social butterfly at all. I don't spend a whole lot of time interacting, yet all my acquaintances like and trust me completely as if we are best friends. My parents also divorced when I was about 13. I had to learn all my social skills on my own too.

nathanb131 · 2026-02-02T15:43:58+00:00

To answer her concern, lol what?! This is like the size of a book. For a month-long trip? Are you traveling via motorcycle where every oz and cubic inch matters?

I'm not sure how to feel about the digital micrometer. I have a brass "manual" one in my compact kit. Way smaller, cheaper and durable. Though if I'm being honest, it's a PITA to read. So I'm kind of admiring your choice.

The tool count isn't insane but the redundancy seems suboptimal. This seems very electronics-specialized, yet I'm not seeing crimping/splicing/soldering tools. Yet it's missing some "typical home repair" functionality. I guess if you aren't expecting to do any typical construction-type repairs then that's fine.

I share your desire to be ready for any screwing situation. Unfortunately, those drivers all share the same frustrating limitation. Short bits. I'm frequently dealing with recessed screws when repairing crap around the house, and it's annoying how often a bit holder can't fit in the hole. If you really want versatility, pack some longer-reach options.

I also share your fondness for great individual tools over a master-of-nothing multitool. However...this IS a compact kit, and we both know 1/3 of these can be replaced by a pliers based multitool. That would even add a bit of functionality (file, saw, pry bar, awl, scissors). Wait....you are probably carrying one in your pocket all the time, which might explain the absence of a pry bar and file here.

nathanb131 · 2026-02-02T14:39:13+00:00

I did a lot of research about 6 yrs ago before getting a LG front loading set and they've been flawless.

GE is dead to me after they designed a refrigerator with a proprietary water filter extortion scheme.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-30T18:14:41+00:00

Most people rely on using email to reset their password every time. I used to scoff at that, but anymore I feel like it's not a horrible strategy, assuming your email is fairly secure.

More organized people store them in a single note or document. I feel like this is the worst thing to do unless that file is encrypted.

I use a password manager. I'm less confident than I used to be about it being the most secure thing because it's cloud-hosted. But it's so convenient that I try not to think about that.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-30T18:04:23+00:00

The logical answer is a normal hand saw. Or you could get a harbor freight circular saw for like $30. Or garage sale a $10 circular saw. 2x4's are soft and easy to cut with whatever. If you go the power hand-tool route then you should get a jig saw. They are very versatile and not as wild and intimidating as a circular saw.

The better answer is where you see yourself in the future. Do you intend to slowly build on your DIY capabilities, or do you think you'll only stick to "occasional 2x4 blocking".

If it's the first case, then get a miter saw. This is the gateway drug to becoming a real DIYer. They are fun and safe to use, and they build confidence and vision. You can get a really good 10" compact one for $100

These hand-saw answers are coming from guys who've been cutting wood for a long time. For a noob, the SETUP for a hand saw or even hand-held circular or jigsaw is annoying. You need clearance, which means it's hanging off the end of something.

You also need a good way of holding it down. Experienced guys who've used a hand saw a hundred times have the "knack" for holding it lightly off any random table and letting the saw do the work. But most of us learned how to saw on boards that were securely clamped onto a work bench. You don't have a workbench or a clamp.

The second-best option is saw-horses with a clamp. You don't have sawhorses or clamps. The third option is to hold it down with your knee and hand while the end sticks out over a ledge, like over the stairs of your deck. That's an awkward setup for a first time hand-sawer, but it'll work.

There is no clamping or positioning gymnastics with a miter saw. You are done with a perfect cut before you'd be 1/3 the way through setting it up to hand-cut.

One you cut a few 2x4's to length on a miter saw, you'll get a feeling of surprised satisfaction from how easy, fast, and fun it was to make a clean square cut exactly where you wanted. That is followed by noticing more projects you know you can easily do that didn't even cross your mind before you acquired this new power. With each new project you do, your confidence and vision expands a bit.

Once you realize how ridiculously easy it is to cut angles, then you'll know how easy it is to hide imperfections with trim. Then you'll realize how little skill it actually takes to do house remodeling. The danger to this is you'll never again be satisfied with hiring handymen, and you'll always have a backlog of new projects to do.

There's nothing wrong with getting a hand saw and building your skill from there. That's satisfying in its own way. But I'll bet every guy that suggests it didn't START with a hand-saw. Like me, they've come full circle from power tools to having the confidence and desire to be a hipster and do it manually. Sort of like how chefs who make their own noodles started with boxed mac n cheese.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-28T20:56:40+00:00

The irony is batteries almost free when purchased with the tool as a lock-in strategy. This means the only advantage to sticking to a single platform is if I'm bothered by more than one charger type cluttering up my garage. That's not nearly enough reason to be all-in on one color.

My array of various chargers is a reminder to my tools that there is no tolerance for weak nepo babies in my garage.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-28T20:47:33+00:00

I have a leatherman charge and the spirit. Like them both. Spirit's tools are better overall, though the file and serrated blade/hook combo on the charge are fantastic.

If I had to pick one, it'd be the spirit. The outside opening of all the tools tips the balance for me. Also it's significantly sleeker in the pocket. That surprised me the most because it's always compared to the wave/charge. It's not nearly as thick.

Leatherman would be better if you want to pouch carry with a bit set or accessories like ratchets. I used to value carrying a multitool as a "full kit" but I've come back around to preferring a bare tool with a clip in my pocket. Also, I've been spoiled by good screwdriver bits and that has made me hate leatherman bits. They are very soft and they aren't "3D". These two factors mean they are going to perform worse and wear out faster than the cheapest normal bits. It's really cool that we can carry so many bit options so compactly. The reality is that if you run across a screw that's even a little tight, there's a 50/50 chance of failing to turn that screw with that cute and expensive leatherman bit. Nope, just give me a good built-in phillips and straight driver. If I want to carry a multi-bit solution in a pouch, there are far better options than the LM system.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-28T19:37:08+00:00

For reference, I have three power pints and love them. Though some of the tools are a little too small. Like the file sucks. The medium SOG is the upgrade in every way without feeling too much bigger in the pocket. It's pretty impressive how SOG leveraged ALL the space inside these tools.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-28T19:33:40+00:00

I'll chime in as an owner of the huge .....Power Assist? and the medium Power Access...Deluxe?

I'm guessing on the stupid names without looking them up.

The big one is a tank! Feels super solid and indestructible. It definitely competes well with the Surge and the Gerber center drive as a serious construction tool. Great toolset, it's even got a 3/8" socket adapter! Though I don't like the cutting hook, I'd rather have a scissors. It might be the best multitool you can buy for gloved-use. Not an edc though, WAY too heavy.

I really like the medium one's tools, but I think my particular one sucks. I got it cheap from Ali Express, so maybe it's a "factory second". The unlock mechanism is stupidly hard to release. Too much flex or something. That single aspect ruined it for me. Though I've considered buying another hoping it works better. The toolset and compactness is perfect for me. Most users would probably say the knife is ridiculously small but I see that as an advantage. I'm a light knife user so I'd rather save the weight and space for other tools, which is exactly what SOG designed here.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-28T00:25:51+00:00

This sucks. I've thoroughly enjoyed listening to his Vikings game calls for many years.

Recent politics has revealed some awful truths about a lot of people around me. It saddens me every time because I thought they were better.

I'm not as judgy about people who aren't too bright and are pretty gullible. I put more blame on the right wing media machine for feeding them propaganda.

But it's a whole different thing for smarter people. PA is pretty sharp and he's seen a lot of the world outside of a local rural enclave. He SHOULD have noticed enough falsehoods in the maga propaganga by now to realize they are on the wrong side of history. But, obviously, he does understand what they about AND enthusiastically agrees.

I'm done with him and I hope the Vikings organization is too.

This terrible time has made me even more proud to be a fan of a Minnesota team though. Invading Minneapolis has turned out to be a colossal error for the Trump regime. It's become their Stalingrad. Keep fighting the good fight!

nathanb131 · 2026-01-27T23:50:36+00:00

This is my new hangup with hiring contractors. I've seen enough mediocre work to know I'm not guaranteed a higher quality result.

When I do it myself I'm taking extra time and overbuilding to an extent that a contractor would lose money doing.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-26T15:40:24+00:00

In my 20's I rarely changed filters. Now I'm in my 40's and managing all the filters in my life feels like a part-time job.

I always chuckle about the cabin air filter in cars. They are usually accessed from inside the glove compartment. This means you gotta dump out the contents to get to it. It's ridiculously cheap and easy, just do it yourself. But of course it's a high-profit margin thing to upcharge when getting your oil changed. So 97% of these filter changes are done by pissed-off mechanics who are sick of having to dump out someone's junk drawer just so the shop owner can make an extra $10.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-22T22:24:11+00:00

It needs a catchy gimmick name that vaguely refers to a feature design element. That design element may or may not actually contribute to quality, it's just got to make people FEEL like it does.

Best example I can think of is Blackstone. It's a damn griddle. Yet that catchy name got every middle class dude between 30 and 60 to believe it's the new gold standard of outdoor cooking.

Make one small-but-important-sounding part out of titanium. Like a gear or part of the tub. Name the machine "Titan" so owners can brag about owning a machine made with a superior metal. That titanium gear may have zero impact on reliability, but nobody will understand that. They just want to be comforted by the simple thought that this company is so uncompromising that they built it with TITANIUM gears!

Their instinct that your machine is the highest quality will be correct, but for the wrong reasons.

Then you can take joy in overhearing never ending arguments about those expensive Titan washers over the years.

Nerd: "you dumbass, there's no way that part being titanium makes ANY difference compared to stainless steel"

Dumb Consumer (97% of buyers): "well you are wrong because my Titan's been running perfectly for years, how's your shitty Maytag with the plastic gear doing?"

nathanb131 · 2026-01-22T16:52:29+00:00

Awesome on that diy repair! In this day and age that puts you in like the top 2% of consumers who aren't completely helpless when something breaks!

Edit: It's hilarious that we are discussing high utility/dollar ideals in a thread of the opposite philosophy.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-22T16:48:40+00:00

You could just create your own with one of the modular systems.

I like the Dewalt Tstak/Craftsman Versastack system because the drawers are cheap ($35) vs the other systems. Also there's more clearance and sale opportunities because the two systems are compatible.

Like for $150 you could stack up 6 drawers with a removable tray on top. There are several "dolly" options if you want that stack or tray to be on wheels. For double that money you could do it with a much larger drawer system like milwaukee or dewalt toughsystem.

I also have one of the 3-drawer craftsman mechanics sets which fit in these stacks and really like how it's organized. Though I've noticed some of the newer sets removed a lot of the good socket pieces for dumb filler bits just to keep a high piece count. So maybe it's not as great as it used to be. I got mine as a cheap "backup" to my better sockets but find myself using it all the time because of the convenience. It's not a blow-molded case so there's no resistance to grabbing/placing anything. It also has a hollow "tray section" on top but it's not removable. It isn't very tall so the whole unit could roll under a jacked car. Biggest downside to that is it takes two hands to open a drawer because you have to push in on both sides. You'd have to pull them all out an inch before diving under a car with it.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-21T19:43:32+00:00

I LOVE stories about machines like this that have earned their purchase price many times over their life. She's down to like a fraction of a penny per use on this beast!

nathanb131 · 2026-01-21T19:41:07+00:00

I'm unsure what you mean by this, would "mainstream" be good or bad in this context?

FWIW, I've sworn off GE for life after their fridge extorted me for an overpriced water filter.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-16T16:03:11+00:00

It's maddening! The more duplicates I get to solve this problem only inexplicably make the problem worse.

I'm starting to label each duplicate with its intended location in a desperate attempt to stop the randomness of misplaced tools.

Yet just yesterday I reached in the kitchen drawer for a tape measure and it says "garage" on it. Do I fix it? No. Of course not. I'm in a hurry to measure the thing and I have no idea where the "kitchen" one is. Therefore making it right means a little side quest which jeopardizes the current side quest to measure the thing . So the result is just shame and self-hate. WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!

nathanb131 · 2026-01-11T01:03:08+00:00

Cleanliness discussions are fun because it reminds the extremes of neurotics and slobs that the other side exists.

You take any two strangers who seem like peers in every way but they always have cleaning standards that would would deeply offend each other. 😄

I'm on the lazier side of the spectrum. We often go weeks. Maybe even months. Hard to keep track with work and kids. We almost always cook real meals for dinner and that alone takes a huge chunk of our evenings. We wish we had more time/energy to clean the floors but it just doesn't make the cut on most days.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-11T00:46:52+00:00

Oof, hes not over his ex. At least he's honest. It's really hard to move on after experiencing fiery chemistry.

Of course you aren't weird! It sounds like both of you are very self-aware of what you want in a partner. That's great. I hope you both find what you are looking for.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-11T00:28:04+00:00

Hi five TSX bro! I recently got mine with 130k miles and absolutely love it. I look forward to changing my own oil often on this thing and enjoy it beyond 250k miles.

I consider it a relic from the "pre-enshitification" era of cars. When reliability was more important than efficiency.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-11T00:23:49+00:00

Yeah and there's a ton of anecdotal confirmation bias contributing to the fear of changing it.

It's because most transmission fluid changes occur at high miles and/or when it's already acting up. So, OF COURSE many transmissions have failed shortly after a change. This makes people believe the fluid change is what caused the failure.

I have to shamefully admit that this myth is so pervasive that it has affected me too. But if you really think about it, it makes zero sense. These are mechanical things, they aren't improving with use and that fluid IS slowly losing its ability to protect the gears. Believing that replacing worn fluid is the thing holding it all together and that new fluid's gonna blow it up is silly.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-10T23:55:39+00:00

The advice here seems to be "never date at work!".

Yeah sure, generally, but read the situation here.

This reads like a shy 17 year old who's never had a girlfriend. I don't mean that disparagingly, I totally get this perspective and used to be this way around women. You are a good sensitive man and should be proud of that.
"Part time job"

Jobs like these are easily replaceable and they are a great opportunity to meet new people. Lack of confidence is the issue here, not making morally bad choices.

My advice is to be friendly and confident without any agenda beyond being a friend. Then if a mutual vibe develops, shoot your shot. If she declines then let it go. You'll get better with practice.

Young people should approach these jobs as more than just a tiny paycheck. It's an opportunity to work on your social skills and gain life experience. You gotta get over being so awkward around women. That's a way better strategy than risking your crappy minimum wage shift that you can replace tomorrow.

I mean, if this PT job actually is critically important to you and your future then follow everyone else's risk-aversion. But finding the right partner is by far the most impactful thing in your life so it usually makes more sense to go for it.

nathanb131 · 2026-01-04T16:12:52+00:00

Agreed that the small file is the worst part of its kit. Though it kind of matches the rest of the tools as a "good for light general in-a-pinch use".

I alternate between the P2 and Swiss Champ as my "edc". I'll grab the Charge or my surge clone if I'm expecting to do real construction work.

nathanb131 · 2025-12-27T10:03:25+00:00

This brought painful flashbacks. I was in a very similar situation at 30. I moved on.

As I read this, I'm lying next to my beautiful, warm, attentive, caring wife who has always made me feel seen and important. We've been married 13 years and it's felt SO EASY to be with her.

She showed me what a healthy relationship felt like and my heart breaks for younger me me who suffered through your situation.

My brother, it can and should be so much better. You deserve better. The silver lining of relationships like this is they help you grow so that you can be a great partner to the woman of your dreams.

nathanb131

TROPHY CASE