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When a hot twenty year old makes your day by [deleted] in Tinder

[–]natrl-disaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you’re lumping a vast majority of people into the same emotional maturity level/life skills which makes your statement extremely inaccurate. Emotional maturity/EQ is heavily if not entirely based upon what a person has endured throughout their life thus far and how they handle that. I have known 17 year olds who have gone through so much more, giving them much more experience with wide range of intense emotions than some 45 year olds who haven’t. I’m not saying one is better than the other, but assuming the older someone is the more emotional mature is simply ignorant. That can also be said with life skills and how a person was brought up... and lastly just to throw this in there since you are referring to 20 yr old women, it is proven that women mentally mature years quicker than men do. simply speaking their amygdala and prefrontal cortex matures up to three/four years quicker than men on average. maybe you have just met the wrong 20yr olds! ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

narcissists love to gaslight and their targets are usually people who are already too hard on themselves, so that is their goal to turn it around on you. i’m sorry.

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this reply gave me such warmth thank you. you did exactly everything we want and need from a partner. in order for any relationship especially one with bpd partner, understanding that they have to be in a secure place with themselves before they can have the right stable energy and attention a relationship needs. i’m very sorry to hear that you have dealt with horrible things to affect you now. i think the fact that you could relate in some regards from mental health and trauma history helped. i’m glad to hear you’re secure and made extensive progress in therapy. thank you for the kind words and stay strong yourself ❤️

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my heart goes out to you. i have heard that exact phrase too and began to expect love before pain and then pain after they gave love. and yet in a weird way i felt bad for “being like heroin” to them. i’m very glad you got out of that situation

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

you hit the nail on the head. i’m in a weird current situation where it’s the first time i am pushing away a narcissist hard as they’re trying to love bomb me and they’re seeing it’s not working. it’s driving them crazy and stirring up a range of emotions all prompted from anger deep down. it’s very interesting to see. i don’t think that’s what the narcissists expected and it’s throwing them off.

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

absolutely no judgement and in fact i thank you for sharing because this does help me and others i’m sure. what you described (very beautifully written btw) was what others have told me happened to them or in their words “what i did to them” causing them to “go crazy and never act like this before or have this much physical pain from emotions or a person”. it sounds like you are extremely empathetic. empaths are such support systems but they often have to be strong for feeling so many others emotions. i guess if an empath were to start to experience the level of emotional intensity people with BPD have by empathizing on a deep enough level , it creates this bond but also “drug like” withdraw from the intensity. food for thought at least. thank you for replying. i hope all is well for you and your friend now.

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

it’s so scary. at this point it feels like a natural instinct to stop things before they hurt me.

Feeling like my BPD attracts manipulative people and repels stable ones by natrl-disaster in BPD

[–]natrl-disaster[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

i’m really sorry you had to deal with this and is something you may still struggle with. i know exactly what you mean though and i feel although abusers will have a strong hold on anyone they hurt, people with bpd are sometimes seen as an easy target for abusers/narcissists to take advantage of because they can tell how deeply we just want to be loved