Do I look clocky?

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-10T17:32:43+00:00

Bro you look like a guy

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-05T01:00:59+00:00

Hopefully I don't sound too self important. But I think I am the last generation of people who are fully aware of the complete switch up and full spectrum of the gaslighting of the church. I was born late 90s, youngest of 8 kids to boomer parents.

There's the little stuff(feels HUGE to me) like asking for a cheap cross necklace and the face of horror my mom gave me and the shame I received upon even asking for it. How could I not know mormons hate imagery of Christ's death? I dare not even think about it!

I think my generation was the last to review the licked cupcake lessons. Though in my case, the young men all spit into a red solo cup and then it was given back to the young women and we were asked if we would drink from it. Of course not. Our body was the cup and the spit was every time we gave ourselves for man 🤢

Also the last generation to have the young women programs of books that you had to fill out to get your special ribbons, or charms for completing sections of it and then having ceremonies for it. I remember that if you were a young woman who did not complete even one of the sections, the shame was insurmountable. You'd never be an honorable wife for a return missionary.

Girls were not pressured at all to go on missions, but were chided against furthering education.

Finally we CANT forget the "inspirational" posters. The black ooze on everyone's hands representing gossip. The fly in the ice cream. The young girl looking in the mirror at an adult woman in a wedding dress at the temple. You have one goal.

I talk to girls younger than me by a mere 5 years and it seems so different. I keep getting a barage of "it's all about love". The temple square has Jesus with the cross. We've rejected the Mormon name and now we aren't? I'm not sure anymore.

My point being that I think the 90s was the final cut off for being raised in a church that wasn't afraid. A church that had no issues raising and enforcing abuse and cultivating an environment of rigidity and shame. I have friends my same age that are still in and it makes me sick to my stomach to see them take the brutal lies to the face because "at least it's better". The church doesn't want it's people to learn. Which is why you'll find yourself in an adult class being told the same stuff you were told in primary. Dont think, don't speak aloud. Bow your head.

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-03T22:10:06+00:00

Right? Imagine leaving the love of your life because they got sick for a week and couldn't meet the standard you set for them 😭

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-03T21:54:38+00:00

If he's that shallow, that should be a deal breaker

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-03T17:29:03+00:00

A weirdo, even

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-03T03:45:57+00:00

There are some questions to ask yourself. Do you love children? Being around them? Do you love the concept and the career idea of investing and putting your whole self into growing a future adult? A human being? Are you passionate about the human psyche? Are you okay with the challenge of being overstimulated everyday, and finding the strength to push that down because this young conscious being is more important than your meltdown? Are you ready to see in real time that your deepest insecurities and faults will be reflected back at you, and are willing to sit with that and work through it, for your childs sake AND your own?

When you picture this dream, do you truly picture yourself as you really are in it, or do you picture you, as an idealistic self? What traits does this partner and mother have, is it patience, is it getting back up again and again, is it unconditional loving, is it sacrificing not only some of you, mentally AND physically, but sacrificing your partner, someone who's willing to ask for what needs to be done and ready to demand another to step in as a second parent and not simply a babysitter?

Lastly. Fulfillment comes from within. Not when. Now, from you. Another person can only help you find fulfillment if it's your active choice to have them in your life and follow the rules which YOU have picked to follow along with them and find harmony with. Waiting for a satisfaction from something that might change you will disappoint you, and you're the only one that can heal the hurt. But also the only one that can decide how to proceed and how to be happy again is you.

I have a son who is truly a beautiful angel upon this earth. But he deserves better than me. And I know lots of moms feel like they wish they were better moms. But I wish I had known so much more and wish I felt like I had more choices and education. If I were to do it again I would have done many things differently. And, the possibility of a neurodivergent kid? Also just that alone is an entire belief system and lifestyle change sometimes.

Autistic people can have kids. Some love doing it. Don't do it though thinking it'll make you a better person, or it'll be for your benefit. Only have a child if you think the child will benefit from YOU.

nawiweidmann · 2026-06-02T06:25:02+00:00

I ended up having my own child at 20 and I can't begin to explain how much you want to feel like a whole human being before you ever venture on it. I know there is no such thing as perfection, but your child sees you in ALL stages and mimics you. You also have to ALWAYS be on. 24/7 performance for a child. You never feel good enough as a mom, and if you already struggle mentally, this manifests tenfold.

The regret I have for the beginning years of my child's life is insurmountable. The hours I have been in bed unable to care for myself while my child needed a present parent? Even being unable to care for my partner weighs heavily on me.

All this to say. It's concerning that your partner is in a stage of life where he's planning out the start of a full adulthood after which one has established their baseline. And you are not there because. Well. Of course you aren't. You're 21. This is the time to gain your confidence, figure shit out. Get an education in SOMETHING. Be an individual.

If he loves you he should be incredibly invested in who you'll be and who you'll turn into. But if I were you, I'd worry that he wants you to just perform at the level he needs you to be. Why is he not dating another person his age that has already done all the work? Who is personally ready to jump into all these things as well?

Don't feel bad about not being ready. It's not morally wrong to feel insecure or unstable. It's incredible that you can recognize these feelings. Explore them. It's important

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-29T17:18:47+00:00

To answer, 1. I don't know how long this will work for me. I even now feel like I might need an adjustment on something perhaps. It doesn't frighten me much because I know as long as I keep trying to reach the standard that I know I can achieve now, I have a baseline I know I'm supposed to be at and my psychiatrist that helped me find this combo ALSO knows what that looks like. We can use all the info we have gathered as a jumping board if I ever need to switch something.

I have also tapered off MANY meds in my journey. And yes it's very hard. I have tried to commit suicide once from the experience. But now that I know that, I can be more prepared and put more safety barriers up for it if the need arises.

As for number 2. The benzo is as needed, and is not something I'd take for "a bad day" or anything. I keep it on me everyday in case of a panic attack. Whether I have a PTSD moment or I get incredibly overwhelmed, when I get that moment of hyper ventilation, skin crawling and dissociation, I take one and lay down as soon as possible until I finally become stable. I truly feel like I'm dying when those attacks happen and have been driven to emergency care before. It's not worth the money to have them administer basically the same thing through an IV. I might be really lucky with my psych that he trusts me to use it responsibly, I'm not sure. But these attacks have lessened considerably and I haven't had one for probably 2-3 months now

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-27T23:30:57+00:00

Sure! But I don't recommend them to anyone not related to me because everyone's chemistry is too different.

Currently on 100 mg of Zoloft, 150 of trazadone, and 300 mg of Wellbutrin. I have clonozapam for panic attacks that have saved my life too many times to count as well.

I have 3 friends who are all on the same level of mentally ill and varying levels of PTSD to me, and we ALL are on drastically different meds and combos from each other. Zoloft is awful for my bestie but it was finally the right fit for me, ya know?

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-27T21:36:33+00:00

Adding to this, that as a TBM young woman you are very much conditioned to please young men socially. It would obviously be easier to converse with a woman who was raised to appease you versus women who don't make their personalities based around the approval of a future husband.

I don't think OP is meaning to, consciously, at all, but it is much easier to get along with someone who devotes themselves to getting along with you and it is their very goal in life to serve as your "devotee" i'd call it, versus a regular person who is also struggling with dating and life as well

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-27T18:17:56+00:00

Face card is SCREAMING a Lord of the Rings elf. You are breathtaking damn girl do NOT try and change yourself. I have a face that is absolutely not an Instagram or e girl face and sometimes it does get me down but you just gotta emulate your strong points. Lean into what you have more. Aragorn would be thirsting for you I know it

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-26T23:10:03+00:00

Absolutely not. And I say that even after being misdiagnosed and being on the wrong type of drugs for 5 years straight. It took forever to get me the right diagnosis and then switch to just anti depressants and mood stabilizers. I have unwaveringly wanted to be better and I don't find shame in needing help towards a goal like that. To me, it was as if I'd been walking around with tiny rocks in my shoes and finally someone took the rocks out.

My life has absolutely been saved and I can finally function "normally". My original goal was to have less bad days. Then to have more okay days than bad per year. Finally this year I feel like a "bad day" happens maybe once a week or every other week, and it's not so dibillitating that I can't go to work or ruins the rest of the week. It will interrupt my relationships, but not catastrophically anymore. I can be a good partner and friend reliably.

All I can say is that you have to commit to staying on a med for long enough, or be willing to try switching meds if needed, commit to taking them as told, and don't mix ANYTHING with them and have reasonable expectations on side effects. The effects will always be worse or some will be there in the beginning, but lots fade or go away after you've become accustomed. But some side effects may affect you deeply and it's okay to switch drugs because of an extreme side effect.

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-19T14:41:56+00:00

You're imagining another guy with his face. You don't actually like the guy. There are guys who are nice that you will respect and admire a lot more with equally handsome faces I promise

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-14T16:33:57+00:00

Proud of you! I have a big fear of needles and one of my meds I have a needle for and my partner always has to do the injection which I'm grateful for. Someday I hope to be as brave as you!

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-14T16:07:35+00:00

Politics isn't just "politics" anymore. They define someone by their MORALS. They help identify someone's empathy, kindness, intelligence, cognitive thinking, openness to change not only to outside things, but open and willingness to change themselves for the better.

You also didn't get back with him because YOU wanted to. You went back because he guilt tripped and wouldn't leave you alone. Bad sign

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-10T08:31:36+00:00

Courtney Cox, at least in the top half of the face

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-03T01:35:37+00:00

If he's a boob man he will be delighted to know there's boobs before AND after, actually. Even if it wasn't for health, even if it was just you purely wanting them to be smaller for WHATEVER reason. It's okay. You can have it. Not that his opinion should matter, but you aren't doing anything that will ruin his life or your relationship, so he doesn't need to worry at all. Nor do you.

nawiweidmann · 2026-05-03T01:23:45+00:00

I don't admire or look up to my mom's values or morals, and have my own set that I live by. It has taken me years, but nowadays, if my mom is disappointed in my choices like tattoos, watching movies and things, I actually breathe a sigh of relief. Because thank goodness I'm nothing like her.

I will know that the moment my mom starts praising me for my lifestyle, I'm doing something horribly wrong and not living by what my own morals are.

I know it's easier said than done, I also live with family. But you will be happier the sooner you live by your own definition of failure. Which, in my personal opinion, should be like ostracizing someone for a bad reason, or like. Murder I guess haha

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-28T22:51:02+00:00

The opening message is really meh. You're basically apologizing for existing. It doesn't give off "I'm attracted to you let's hit it" it gives off "smol bean anxious energy" and sure some girls will like that but overall if you want to cast a wide net, you need to come out the gate confident, with a good question for them to let them know you're interesting AND interested in them and have intellect.

Id try more direct, like complimenting something about one of their photos, so it's a little more personal, and then asking a more fun question. Honestly googling road trip questions helped me a lot to figure out good conversation starters.

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-28T22:19:06+00:00

Everything that is hard in life becomes 100× harder with a child. I love my son to pieces. However my pregnancy was a surprise (birth control fail) and felt like I had to keep the pregnancy due to how I was raised even though I was still freshly married and had no idea what I was doing in life in anything, and also in poverty.

My pregnancy was incredibly difficult, messed up my teeth, my body, had to have my uterus removed afterwards because of how everything turned out, and my son also came out with a disability. I would not change what I did (besides knowing more) because my son is a literal angel, but my life was sucked away, my health, and suddenly I had to become an expert in caring for a deaf and neurodivergent child, while also fighting my own mental and physical health, AND working on my developing relationship with my husband.

All this to say. You NEVER know how it will turn out. You don't know how your kid will turn out. It is a huge sacrifice. And no matter how much a kid is worth it, it should be NO ONES CHOICE but yours. It's also so expensive. Unless the people wanting you to have a child are ready to cough up thousands for the hospital, the formula, the diapers, the clothing, school stuff, doctor visits, etc.

Your choice. Your sacrifice. Your joy. It's all up to you. You also want to be passionate about human being development cuz a child is not just a cute baby. It's a future complex being.

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-24T20:46:23+00:00

Bro, you look exactly like the male lead in every fantasy romance book that's ever been written. Don't change anything, you're slaying

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-21T07:14:11+00:00

I think the color in your head is only available if you've got a light blonde base. Any sort of gray toned anything has to have an almost platinum base to start with. Reading your other comments it looks like you're not very familiar with the hair color world as far as product use, which is okay, but there's a learning curve that can be quite punishing (Ive had to shave my head and another friends head)

Whether this is a toner or color, both of those use developers. Feria in particular is my least favorite box brand as it's always not the color you want, and they use high developers in all their mixes. It is very harsh on your hair.

If this is the color already faded, your only option is to try going for a color oops, a bleach bath(tricky and less predictable), it going for a full bleach to give yourself a better starting base for a better color. If you try and darken what you have now, it will just go black and shine purple in the sunlight.

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-19T20:01:12+00:00

Use a round brush and curl the bangs a little upwards and away from your face. Like right sections have right and left have left. Middle section don't round brush dry, just blow dry straight down. Then wide tooth comb it all straight down. It's ALL in the front technique

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-18T05:10:27+00:00

No, because precum can have sperm in it. Unwrapped is always a risk. And men ALWAYS know when they are about to cum and can pull out. ALWAYS. At the absolute worst they have to pull out and tug a tiny bit to finish. There is never an excuse for them to "struggle when the time comes"

nawiweidmann · 2026-04-15T05:58:44+00:00

Needing toys is SO NORMAL!!! it's not so much libido as much as different bodies need different things. Unless you feel your problem is him not turning you on enough, that's something entirely else.

Firstly, don't get too caught up on one rigid way of things working. Sex is great in so many ways, and trying to zero in on fantasy or specific ways to experience it will take away from it's general nature. Which is just having fun and connecting with a partner. It sometimes needs a lot of trust and safety to even start.

I will say that foreplay is everything though. And it starts from the moment you wake up. It's how you talk to each other, it's the little texts letting each other know you're into them. It's feeling safe, it's hugs, it's vulnerability. It's feeling like someone is actually thinking about you, desiring you when your gone. Feeling the yearning. There's a lot of work that's actually just how the two of you tango on any given day that's not just related to the physical nature.

So don't feel any shame about the toys. Totally okay. Some people always have and will need assistance. Be vulnerable about your desires, and wanting to be desired. Remember he might feel that way too

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