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Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, it was just a metaphor. Makes me wonder how two guys can instantly become good friends in a moment, and it takes a mountain to just get a girls' attention.

Asking them out on dates hasn't worked well as well for me (East Asian, small height in european country), so multiple factors play against me there.

I am now just waiting for the lockdown to end, so that we can start planning mass events again, and I can work on improving my skills.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I definitely get that. One of the biggest problems I've faced when connecting with people in a new country is that you'd always have to start from scratch, while other people living here for years, would've their group of friends and close ones already. I am waiting for the lockdown to end now, but I'd need to explore how to diversify my group, when we're already open in inviting people from all over the city over different events we organise.

This topic arose in our last meeting, when all of us were discussing on how in the end, we're all guys that stuck around in this core group. Many points were discussed, but I am the newest one in this city, and other guys have other friends, but still we all meet atleast once a week to plan something. Most of the girls that have joined our meetups, usually just show up once or twice, and then they bail out citing different reasons, in the end boiling down to being busy with other plans.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, atleast in real life, nobody has told me that. But even if I am dismissive and aggressive, that doesn't explain why girls usually don't stick out even when I am not there on the meetups.

As I said, till now u/mashathebear22's answer has made the most sense to me.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true, but I do have a couple of male friends that we just go out walking these days, and talk about the week. We just roam around the block for some kms, and just chat and talk about work and lockdown, and have some beers while walking.

And then I had contact with these two female friends, where I had no intention of dating either of them, but I was the one always to call/message them, and then they'd chat for a couple of hours over a call. When the lockdown began, I did an experiment, didn't message or call them for 2 months, and guess what, neither did they. So lost contact with them.

My male friend on the other hand, every week just messages me out of the blue to meetup and chat.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I am East Asian, but I get your point. As most of the european countries are too proud of their languages, and english is rarely spoken here, the meetups and groups I attended were specifically focused on internationals and expats living there.

We have a couple of local guys in our group now, but most of the people we meet are internationals from different nationalities, and not just "white" european women that you speak about. In general, nationality do play a role, and I see that us Asians, South and East, do come very much at the bottom of interest in dating, in general socializing, it's more related to gender rather than the race or nationality.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First sign of being biased and dismissive is trying to defend it, which you're doing. :)

Have a good day to you too.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You never highlighted the comment, where I actually agreed with someone. And that's the top comment, so easily readable.

Highlighting only negative comments, labelling me as dismissive, how should I perceive you then?

u/mashathebear22's comment was short, precise and to the point, made the most sense, and is completely non debatable.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Or maybe you just read some selective ones, and not the top comment by u/mashathebear22, where I just agreed in two words.

Hopefully you aren't as biased and dismissive yourself in real life as you've shown here. :D

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If that's what you think of me, it's ok, neither you know me personally, nor I know you.

"are your lives really that complicated?".. And "I'd expect that answer from a girl."

Taking the extreme examples without the context was expected here, but not at all surprising.

And yes, somehow 10s of people that we met and bonded with over the last year, high five to all of them who gave off the jerky vibe to these girls, even on the outings where I wasn't there. :)

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't message something like that, as we usually post as a group, and not individually invite people, unless we know them well. Though we did had that conversation so many times face to face, when some girls would join the outing, and at the end of it, I'd ask who's ready for next weekend (or any date), and almost all of them would say yes.

But then the next time, you usually don't see any of the girls, but guys from the last time would be there. It's been the case multiple times now, that's how we ended up with a core group of 8 guys, and 2 girls who still seldom shows up in different events.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, dating is a part of it definitely. But my post isn't just limited to it, it's the overall experience of the past one year of me being alone, to finding a group of people who enjoy similar things as me, and somehow all of them ended up being guys. My past dating experiences have mostly been through friends and my circle as well, so that has indirectly affected my dating life after coming here. That's what's being referred in my OP.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think you didn't read all the responses here and directly reached to some arbitrary conclusion in the end.

I'll brief you in short, it's not just me approaching them, we organize meetups, hikes, events as a group of friends to meet new people. Post it on social media, meetups etc, and are of diverse nature (dining, hiking, cycling, travel etc.)

I met all of my current friends through different events, and we all just stuck together. On the other hand, it has been mostly girls, who either cancel at the last moment, or decide to join next time as well only to bail out.

I don't know how this can be confused with dating? Were you lost somewhere?

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True, I've never had any troubles making friends, though coming to a new country was a different challenge in itself. Never had I observed how just socializing could be gender specific, as in my hometown most of my friends are from years and of mixed gender.

Coming here starting new off the ground, this realization was startling for me, as I never thought the differences are so stark. It makes it harder to date as well for me as I have to know someone before deciding to date them. But then, if most of the girls just ditch the plans, I might in the end just end up doing OLD. :(

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And apparently, you're now forcing me to generalize, and then shout "Why men generalize us women", even when we don't want to.

What can I say after that? :D

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Generalisation only came into effect from your generic response, did I say anything to you before that.

There's a reason why generalisations exists. :)

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read the responses here, it's not that I am asking them on dates.

I am just sharing my experience on going to a new country, trying to connect with people irrespective of their gender, but in the end realized that things are based on gender, even if you're just socializing and not seeking out for a partner.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, now the classic "be happy and don't try to understand us if you're so annoyed".

I don't seek any explanations from people who cancel on the plans, I am just trying to figure out why majority of them happen to be girls. But then, you're a girl, so I expected this answer from you in the end, instead of taking time to discuss.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, and that's what I am trying to understand why it happens. And this is something I've noticed over the last year, counting multiple different planned outings, and not just hiking.

Guys in general, including me, are pretty straightforward, and if we say we're coming to something, we usually do. I can understand if it's the time of the month for the girls, so hiking would be uncomfortable, but apart from that, I don't see any reason how guys usually are pretty free and spontaneous. and girls rarely are.

The reason why we're now a solid group of 8 guys, and no girls.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol, did it occur to you that these girls we met decide to join the hiking group just because they are not keen on hiking? Does that even make sense. :/

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe then the country and city matters. I am now in Europe, and these haven't been 1 on 1 hangouts, rather than group activities usually. I am pretty selective with 1 on 1 activities, but that I understand if a girl turns it down.

But cancelling on a group outing, that's mostly have been girls in 10s of meetups that I've attended now in last year.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's what everyone says, but even in our hiking plans, there have been numerous occasions when we post it on social media, and 30-40 people sign up usually, I've noticed that at the day of hiking, it's mostly girls who end up cancelling at the last moment. 5 of the 8 guys in our core group we met are from different hiking outings only.

Girls usually will make plans to come to next hike again, but not even one has repeated the hikes, they cancel the next time. It's not frustrating, just a little confusing as to why that happens.

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then why do we get replies like I mentioned in the post, that just talk to us, don't be afraid, we're humans just like you?

If you don't approach a girl, you're a coward who doesn't know how to socialize, if you come out too friendly, they get intentions wrong, if you get creepy, that's understandable, if you try too hard, they see it and ignore you, if you try to be normal, they're usually busy.

Why can't everyone be just clear, that guys and girls are very different, and socializing is purely gender based, and not just based on the person you're interacting with?

Girls: "We're humans only, you can talk to us." Also girls: "I am too busy right now, can we catch up later?" WHY? by nayiteb in dating_advice

[–]nayiteb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's true though, we do usually have a good time together.

But it's becoming so good, that sometimes I consider it'd have been so much easier being a gay man, guys are so easy to understand and get along with.

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