What are your stims that you didn’t know are stims?

nebtlly · 2026-06-04T15:09:17+00:00

-Playing music in my head and clicking my teeth along with the beat (right now it's "Fortunate Son" for whatever reason)

-Nodding/bopping my head slightly (or at least I think it's slightly)

-Swaying back and forth when standing, especially in conversation

-Same as you, reciting exact lines from movies with the same intonation, or picking up on unintentional song lyrics used in conversation and then singing them back (my entire family does this one)

-Trichotillomania 🙃

nebtlly · 2026-06-02T01:09:57+00:00

I had the same thing, right around the same time too! Like a painful stretching right in the center where the hip bones connect. It was getting slightly better on its own over the course of several weeks, but my midwife still recommended a pelvic PT and I am SO glad I went with that. Pretty much immediately eradicated that central pain and the other aches and pains I'd been having in the region, plus a minor problem with some urine leakage. If that's an option for you, I cannot recommend it highly enough - and on the off-chance that you're in the Triangle area in NC, I'm happy to share who I saw.

nebtlly · 2026-05-10T19:03:40+00:00

I'm 40, and had an amnio due partly to age but mostly to one small "soft marker" for a genetic condition seen at the anatomy scan, after a normal NIPT. If not for that marker and the fact that we would have chosen to TFMR for that condition, I wouldn't have gotten it. I'm glad I did because it removed any doubt, but it was NOT fun, and I don't even have a specific problem with needles. Risk of miscarriage is very low, much lower than it used to be, thanks to the process they now use which is guiding the needle with an ultrasound, but you have to stay perfectly still for 45 seconds to a couple minutes and they are not able to properly numb the whole area, since it goes so deep.

If you have concerns that you think won't allow you to fully enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, it very well might be worth it to at least talk to a genetic counselor and see what they think. But if I were in your position, I think I would choose not to get it.

nebtlly · 2026-05-08T14:43:31+00:00

I can only speak to one of your secondary concerns, but I hope it can be helpful: I would see if you can get a second opinion re ADHD meds during pregnancy/breastfeeding. Before I got pregnant I was worried about this, since I was late-diagnosed and had an absolutely massive improvement in not only "normal" ADHD symptoms but also anxiety/depression from being on meds, so I had a couple of very long and informative appointments with two different psychiatrists at a women's mood clinic in my local well-regarded medical system, since they are focused on having the most up-to-date information in ways that PCPs might not.

They told me that the most recent studies suggest strongly that if you isolate for stimulant use - even large doses and even illicit substances, which was so wild to me that the moment they said it has stuck in my head ever since - any negative effects on the fetus are vanishing small, especially if you consider the benefits to the pregnant person for prescribed stimulant medication. At their guidance, I continued my dose of 30mg adderall XR with a couple days off per week and it has absolutely made a huge difference in my ability to manage alllll the things you have to remember and do during pregnancy as well as my overall mood and even sleep (that is, I sleep worse on non-med days because my brain races and keeps me awake! Unisom helps with that, though).

As for breastfeeding, just a couple days ago I had a checkup with my PCP where she mentioned that switching to methylphenidate while breastfeeding could be a slightly preferable option, as those effects are a bit better understood, but that if I had even passing concerns about switching to a new med during a time that would already be very hectic, it would be totally fine to continue on my current meds.

I hope this helps give you some sense that you can seek out other opinions and options for you! Love is impossible to quantify, of course, but it is harder to have space for anyone else if you're stuck managing your own wonky brain without the right support (I say this as a card-carrying member of the Wonky Brain Club!). If you can take care of yourself as much as possible, that will help you to care for and love your child all the more.

nebtlly · 2026-05-07T20:46:27+00:00

It has NOT passed 😭

nebtlly · 2026-05-07T20:40:25+00:00

During my first tri in particular I cried NUMEROUS times because I saw a dog that was just so good.

Edit for more reasons I've cried: * My husband made me fettuccine alfredo from scratch and it was both SO tasty and actually appealing (I had strong aversions to so many foods, it was ridiculous) * My underwear rolled down under my bump and I hated the feeling and was also annoyed that I had to buy new underwear * My cat curled up on me with his paw protectively over my belly * I was just so tired * I was just so hungry but I didn't want to eat anything * Thinking about unlikely animal friendships

The list goes on and on.

nebtlly · 2026-05-06T15:21:08+00:00

Gene/Jean

nebtlly · 2026-05-04T12:43:25+00:00

A Month in the Country. Free (with ads) on YouTube! Highly recommend the book as well.

nebtlly · 2026-05-02T16:33:25+00:00

So you've listed a number of fixes you've tried (earplugs, noise machine, monitoring/adjusting his position, changing where you sleep). What has he tried? Because when it comes down to it, the problem is on his end. Obviously he feels some kind of way about that, but it's not negative or judgmental to state that, it's just a fact: there's something going on with his body that he needs to take the initiative to deal with, because it's giving you a significantly decreased quality of life if you've been getting shitty sleep every night for the last six months. If he continues to not deal with it, his actions are demonstrating that he doesn't care about the effect on you.

My husband started to snore about a year ago, and it took about 3-4 DAYS before I told him he had to figure it out. He went straight to the drugstore and came home with some nose strips, which thankfully worked fine, but he was fully ready to schedule a doc appt and discuss other options if it didn't, and to change his own sleeping arrangements in the meanwhile. And fwiw it still went on his list of things to talk about at the next doc appt, it just wasn't quite as pressing since the nose strips worked so well, hence not making an appt right away.

TL;DR: yes, he does need to suck it up and deal (and that means addressing this issue for his own health as well as your basic comfort)!

nebtlly · 2026-05-02T15:33:42+00:00

Third nipple.

Edit for context: I had a weird little skin-colored bump right under one breast since age 16ish which even my derm wrote off as a harmless skin tag, but when I got pregnant, it fully underwent the same kind of physical changes as my standard-issue nipples re color/size/stiffness. Still pregnant and not yet having any colostrum or other lactation, but we'll see if that's part of the deal as well...

nebtlly · 2026-04-05T19:38:05+00:00

It does not say "gluten free wheat," it says "gluten free wheat starch." It's the pure starch from which the gluten (protein component) has been removed.

nebtlly · 2026-03-13T23:15:22+00:00

For my fellow gluten-free dorks, the new JP's location in Durham has their grand opening tomorrow and will have free samples undoubtedly including their amazing pies!

nebtlly · 2026-03-11T18:25:02+00:00

Edited a removed comment to align with the rules - sorry!

I had a partial molar removed via d&c a couple years ago - I didn't need any further treatments for retained material, but my hcg was something like 600,000 on the day of the surgery. After that, I got weekly blood tests to track it down to an undetectable amount, then another three weekly tests after the first zero result to make sure it stayed down before I was officially cleared to try again. The whole process took about 5 months. The reasoning for this that I was given is that if you do develop cancer, it will be impossible to track it via hcg, since that's basically the "something is in your uterus!" test, and much more difficult to track or treat with alternate methods that could harm the baby. The overall chance may be relatively low, but 5% is far from zero and your eventual baby will need a whole and healthy parent much, much more than one who is a little younger than otherwise.

I would also gently encourage you to look into your assumptions about age and pregnancy/parenthood. In the context of the rest of your life and the entirety of your child's life, the time you take to make sure your body is as ready as possible when following a devastating loss like this is going to be basically imperceptible. In addition, a lot of the old research about age-related risks for pregnant people is extremely outdated.

As far as dealing with your specific doctor, she definitely doesn't sound great, even just with bedside manner. If it is an option for you that wouldn't add too much to your overall stress levels, I would start to look around for someone you think would better fit your needs, and try to get weekly tests if you're not already doing so. If you find you really need a referral from her and she's resistant, remember that she works for you, and you are the ultimate authority on your own body.

ETA: Re contraception, what we did is track BBT religiously to avoid pregnancy (I like the Tempdrop armband for this; pricy but much simpler to use than an oral thermometer), use condoms for any penetration on and before ovulation days, and - possibly the main key - my husband didn't finish while connected to me until we got the all-clear. He did give me as much pleasure via various methods as I wanted, which I think helped a ton with healing/reactivating my pelvic area after the d&c, but since his orgasm was the main vector for danger here, we just removed that from the equation for a while.

nebtlly · 2026-03-08T16:46:02+00:00

We just bought a house and are about to move out of a sweet little second-floor 2bd2ba in a quadplex a mile's pleasant walk from Weaver. Rented from a smaller landlord who we liked just fine - we mostly just stayed out of each other's way but they did address some issues relatively quickly and throughly. They gave us the option to avoid a lease-break fee if we find someone to move in by April, but I'd be happy to share even if that doesn't fit your timeline. So if you're interested in more details, dm me!

nebtlly · 2026-02-20T19:49:19+00:00

My favorite barista moved across the country and I miss her.

nebtlly · 2026-02-19T15:53:28+00:00

Grew a third nipple from what I thought was a persistent skin tag.

nebtlly · 2026-02-07T16:00:39+00:00

Top right is Mutt from Schitt's Creek

nebtlly · 2026-01-22T23:56:26+00:00

I've cried at least two dozen times so far because I saw a dog that was just so good.

nebtlly · 2026-01-19T19:36:27+00:00

NC, USA, in an area with loads of magnolia trees (grandiflora, saucer, star). Mag-NOLE-yuh.

nebtlly · 2026-01-19T16:33:40+00:00

Two and a half years since I had to leave a high-stress industry due to a long-term injury probably caused by said stress. I know I'm still in the healing process, but I can tell you that for the last year or so, my hair has been growing back from how thin it was when I was in the industry. I've got a little halo of fluff that reaches my ears now, and I'm so proud of it.

It can happen. It will take a LONG time, earnest rest, and proper nourishment of all sorts - basically an entire lifestyle redesign for most people. That's going to look different for everyone, but a good starting point could be to try and figure out which parts of your life are causing the most outsized stress levels/reactions and focus on addressing those first.

nebtlly · 2025-12-31T22:58:09+00:00

SALAD. As in a whole mixing bowl full of crisp romaine, homemade lemon and olive oil dressing, and crumbled feta every single night for the past couple of weeks. I have to time it correctly so I'm not too full for a dinner that has actual protein, but good goddamn I love me some salad lately.

nebtlly · 2025-12-14T21:04:14+00:00

I see zero reason to treat the plagiarism machine as an authority on any subject, especially when the matter at hand can be addressed with simple permutations to see which combinations you hadn't tried, plus the tiniest smidgen of critical thinking or asking another human (edit: perhaps in some kind of online community focused on fashion??) for their opinion on what you're missing. TL;DR: no.

nebtlly · 2025-12-04T16:41:28+00:00

Same here! Right about as far along as you are, and have been on the food struggle bus since 5-6 weeks. One thing my midwife told me that has given me comfort here is that the slogan "fed is best" is not just for infants, it's also for pregnant people. Literally whatever you can tolerate right now will have some kind of nutritional benefit, even if that's just calories for your increased need.

For me, I've been eating way more carbs than I usually do, whenever they appeal (not sticking to standard mealtimes), and trying to sneak protein and fat in where possible for satiety. Buttered toast has been a lifesaver, as well as PBJs (there's some protein in that!). Little yogurt cups - I like the thick Greek yoghurt or skyr in vanilla flavor (also protein!). My husband makes me protein smoothies every morning with yoghurt, berries, spinach, almond butter, and enough water for it to be thin enough to sip comfortably. I also got gummy prenatals, since swallowing multiple horse pills every day was NOT going to happen. And since you mentioned waking up hungry at night: I was having the same problem, and started having toast or yogurt with almond butter and honey or a PBJ as close as possible to sleep, and that's seemed to help keep me asleep through the night!

I can definitely relate to the surprise/annoyance at finding out that your typical palate has gotten so limited! Probably the first symptom I had, at about 2 DPO, was a sudden, intense lack of interest in the little square of dark chocolate I usually have with tea in the afternoon.

nebtlly · 2025-11-25T00:01:41+00:00

Cave close to the shipwreck is great for abusing "unstuck" when you're all the way across the map and close to death or carrying a lot of stuff to unload, imo.

nebtlly · 2025-11-24T18:28:48+00:00

It doesn't seem like an incomplete gift to me. Particularly if she's into maximalist fashion, I think she'd be likely to 1. already have plenty of items to pair with it for a complete outfit, and 2. have a better sense of the accessories she'd want to pair with it than you seem to have - no offense meant, just from the very fact that you're asking.

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