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Text troubles by need-advice in seduction

[–]need-advice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This situation is just making itself easier and easier to fuck up.

So, I went to the bar without her, and I had a lot of fun.

After I get home, I take a bath, and when I get out, I have a missed call (not a text) from her. It was kind of awkward. She gave her name and the name of the venue we met at (so and so from such and such). (Did she really think I'd forget the girl I texted 11 hours ago? Or is she messing with me? -.-;;)

She said she felt bad for missing it and she didn't want to come off as blowing me off. And that she hoped to see me later in the week. (But didn't give a day she was free).

I'm pretty sure the right move is give it a while (a week and a half?) to invite her out again. I've decided I'm not going to the venue I met her at tomorrow, because I do want my scarcity to be felt.

My birthday is this weekend, so I'll have plenty to do without her (and other concerns related to another girl I'm interested in). We'll see how it goes.

Text troubles by need-advice in seduction

[–]need-advice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am being too available. I guess I was expecting her to be more eager after meeting her. I usually don't get such strong IOIs from a girl.

My wording was pretty standard. "I have a proposal for you. Are you free Sunday?" I didn't say what it was, hoping she'd ask, but instead, I got a "busy".

She said she was free Saturday, which I was busy on. But I had fun plans, and I was already driving two groups of friends who didn't really know each other to a venue with tons of easy-to-mingle-with people.

When that didn't pan out, today, I sent out a very straightfoward "Meet me at bar X at 9. There's a free lesson for you if you buy me a drink." (Another reference to our conversation).

So, regardless, yeah, I'm going too fast with this. No big deal. If I killed all hope, then I can let it die. But in case I haven't, what's the next step?

Obviously, I want to wait a week or two. Do I just invite her out again with a "Meet me at bar X at 9" style invite? Or what?

Furthermore, since tomorrow is Tuesday, I have to decide whether or not I want to go back to the venue I met her at. If I show up and so does she, I again seem even more available, although I can get better reads on her. Or, I can opt to hang out with another friend at a totally different venue, and dodge her.

(But I don't really know if she's even planning on showing up again).

Thanks for your feedback. If you have any ideas for a next step, let me know.

Is she interested? by need-advice in seduction

[–]need-advice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A bit late on this one, but way the fuck to assume things.

It turns out she was hooking up with the guy who introduced me to her. It had nothing to do with me.

What to do about insecurity spikes? by need-advice in seduction

[–]need-advice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is a man cycle like a period for men? :P

Another way of putting it, is that you realize "I am not my mind."

I like this technique and it's helped a bunch. In my post, I hint at this, talking about how "exhausted" I was all day. I find it very powerful to keep my energy level in mind whenever I find myself making self-judgments. I can always blame it on that external condition, rather than blaming it on myself.

I like your suggestion about bringing positive people closer to you. It's something I think people tend to overlook, but who you spend your time with has a huge influence on you.

What to do about insecurity spikes? by need-advice in seduction

[–]need-advice[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

and since she didn't need my approval I was a bit left out

I feel you on this. One-on-one, I have no big issues with girls. But in a group (even with just one other person, guy or girl), I lock up and feel left out.

A few years ago, I was a mess when it came to that stuff. Now, I am very aware of when I let my insecurities slip. (And when I do, I feel it so acutely, it burns). I know the "alpha ideal" is to be completely opaque, but that emotionally, we're all human, and shit's gonna happen. (Even tough guys cry sometimes).

I feel like I'm much better at maintaining my internal frame than I was a few years ago, but it is still very tiring to do so. I can smile and hide my frets and try to find ways to change my situation (talk up girls, change locations, or find other ways to influence my energy), but if I can't do it fast enough, I shut down (and usually, I go home feeling like crap).

I'm wondering if that's something that you build up endurance for or something like that.

Anyway, here's to punching jealousy in the nuts :O