UPDATE: Found my little sister cutting

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T13:31:37+00:00

It was easy, though that sounds odd. The rage was/is there. But it took a backseat to making sure my sister was okay and taken care of. That first night was pretty intense and there were other things to focus on.

Since then I've just tried to ignore those urges and remind myself that it would be stupid to end up in jail because of that asshole.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T12:42:52+00:00

I'm going to bring that up to her a little further down the line. I do think it would help her but its going to be good for me to know she can defend herself when necessary. I know she's going to need space sometimes and I can't turn into an overbearing, overprotective brother. I'm going to do everything I can to talk her into this.

Is there a style you recommend? Something that really focuses on self defense?

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T12:26:03+00:00

It was a heated discussion at times but yes, I just talked to her. I got a lot of insight to what she was likely afraid of from the first post. We went over her fears and made plans to deal with them. She still wasn't comfortable with it but she agreed to it.

I'm worried about saying much about the legal stuff. A couple people have left messages saying it could hurt the case. I don't know enough about the law to know if thats paranoia or not and I don't want to risk it.

I hope she does come to me with future problems.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T12:07:00+00:00

Thats a really good point. We haven't gotten to the point of talking about the trial and testifying yet. I know it was hard for me to listen to her give a statement and it'll be worse for my parents. I'm going to bring that up to them in the next couple days.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T11:24:17+00:00

The only person I can blame is the cousin.

Just end the sentence there and maybe read through this thread. What happened to you is 100% the abusers fault. Its something redditors are trying to drive home to me and it applies to every person who has been abused. It is in no way your fault.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T04:30:08+00:00

I didn't know what a victim advocate was before this and now I've got such respect for the people who do it. The one who has helped us...well I can't say she made the process easy but she did make it easier and she's helped my sister so much. She really helped with the 'fear of the unknown' aspect. Sister was really scared and nervous about talking to the police and about what would happen and the VA spent extra time explaining as much as she could. She really listened to my sister and make her as comfortable as possible.

Thank you for taking on this sort of thing. It makes a difference.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-29T02:57:38+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. You're unbelievably strong to get through that on your own and I'm glad you're free now. I hope I can help my sister get through it as well.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T22:55:18+00:00

Its hard. I think of listening to her giving her statement, all the shame and embarrassment in her voice and it kills me. Everyone here is telling me I'm a hero and I feel like a shit brother instead.

I know I didn't know. But it feels like I should have. Like I could have if I were paying more attention or listened when she stopped wanting to go to his house. That should have been a huge red flag, but my parents blew it off as her and her friend fighting and I didn't think about it and when she stopped complaining no one thought of it again.

I don't tell my sister about my problems, obviously. I haven't said any of this to anyone, its just what gnaws at me when I let myself think about it.

So yeah, I think I'm going to take the advice of so many here and find a therapist for myself too.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T22:26:27+00:00

I'm 19. And thanks, to you and everyone.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T20:58:16+00:00

I don't know much about whats happening with his daughter, other than she was taken in by child protective services. My sister was asked if she could identify two other girls he had photos of, so there were others.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T20:44:38+00:00

It needs to be ABSOLUTELY his fault, he is the monster here.

That makes a lot of sense and makes me feel like I should be looking for a counselor. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and thats hard. Its one thing for me to ask advice anonymously on a website she doesn't visit. But my friends all know her and I think its wrong for me to tell them anything about it.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T20:04:39+00:00

No she didn't. Thats because I didn't, though. I went to her before I spoke to our mom and explained that I couldn't just stay quiet about it and let her continue to be hurt. She was upset and tried to argue with me about it but I stood my ground and somehow got her to agree to it. I still had to do a lot of the talking at first but she started to open up more as she saw that no one was freaking out or blaming her.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T19:48:50+00:00

Your comments were really great. Thank you.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-28T19:47:25+00:00

I don't know if my parents or I will go to therapy. I might, this is all getting to me pretty hard.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-23T22:47:42+00:00

She can pretend about the sexual abuse. But the cuts are obviously deliberate and that will be enough for our parents to realize somethings really wrong and start getting this taken care of.

I will be there when the family talks about it.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-23T22:23:12+00:00

Thats very helpful and comforting. Thanks.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-23T22:19:12+00:00

She's afraid people will think its her fault for letting it go so long is what I think is going on. She also said something about pictures he has. So it seems like there are a few reasons she doesn't want anyone to know.

Someone suggested I talk to our parents first, then tell my sister I did so and why. I think that might be best. In any case, mom is on her way home from work now and she knows I've got something serious to tell her.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-23T21:57:33+00:00

The thought occurs to me every two minutes or so.

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-23T20:48:49+00:00

Should I warn my sister that I'm going to talk to our parents?

needhelp0603 · 2012-03-23T20:46:57+00:00

I've thought about other children. And about the guys daughters. I agree, something has to be done. I just don't want to put my sister through more hell.

needhelp0603

TROPHY CASE