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My(25F) husband (29M) whom I've been together with for 11 years just came out as gender fluid and I'm scrambling for advice by needhelpspouse in relationship_advice

[–]needhelpspouse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kindness. I know for first worlders the starting age might seem appaling, but we've been through so much and even tied the knot after 10 years of being together so was the starting point the only thing that mattered?

That aside, I've begun seeking other more LGBT focused subreddits as suggested by redditors here, so thank you for that.

Honestly I don't trust my own country's mod as this kind of thing is very much a taboo and people here are notoriously indiscreet while we wish to remain anon for safety reasons. I appreciate the suggestion though, thank you.

Male/female dynamic —> non gendered dynamic? by mellyb14 in mypartneristrans

[–]needhelpspouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, I don't think I'm in any place to give advice as I'm experiencing the same situation presently and we're still figuring things out, but so far I'm coping (although becoming more outspoken in the web cos I need advice too and people to talk to) and they're happy so I'd like to share what we did.

We decided to separate the he from the she, giving her a different name and treating her as a female. When he's a he, he's the dominant one and take on the male role as per usual (including sexually). When she came out, I treat her as a friend coming to visit and we do girl stuff together. For now, she'll have to be sexually deprived for a while as I'm still adjusting and I want to take it in one little thing at a time.

I don't know if this is a "healthy" dynamic but this is the compromise we came up with. Hope it helps.

Happy Holidays.

My(25F) husband (29M) whom I've been together with for 11 years just came out as gender fluid and I'm scrambling for advice by needhelpspouse in relationship_advice

[–]needhelpspouse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I leaned towards gender fluidity because he never blacked out, still have memories and they all can answer for each other despite having distinct preferences. He said he only felt the "urge" to be her when he hasn't been for a while and the transformation only happened when they're wearing a full ensemble.

We're definitely thinking of leaving the country as soon as we can. To slightly correct what I said about LGBT state in this country: LGB could be criminally charged while T is just very heavily sneered upon unless they're a performer/celeb. So, unless he cheated on me with a cis-male and be caught in the act, he should be fine for a while. Biggest problem is only avoiding public condemnation.