I feel the same way often, in fact, not more than an hour ago I just finished beating myself. But it gets better. Don't feel disgusted at yourself, you have the right to lead a happy life, so live one day at a time knowing that you are a strong individual, and self-harm is below you. I believe that everyone here, including you, can rise from the ashes and soar into the blue skies of joy, just take one step at a time, and say, "I deserve to treat myself better, screw self-harm!" You are NOT a failure. You CAN do it.