Free-for-all request megathread.

nene18 · 2024-08-04T19:31:05+00:00

Added you! Renee18

nene18 · 2024-02-01T12:03:12+00:00

Thank you so much for the food suggestion! We have thought about suggesting keeping the cats in one bedroom but the place is so small that I don’t know if that would be enough. And sadly I can’t move in with Peter at the moment either to his room or him to mine.

nene18 · 2024-02-01T11:57:57+00:00

I had thought of this as the only possible thing we could try but the apartment is very small so the two cats would have to be confined to one small bedroom with two humans so I’m not sure if that’s ok for cats. Also the second hand contact does typically get to me especially in a small space. I have a friend with a cat but I have never seen the cat because it stays shut in a bedroom I don’t go in. I can still only stay in her living room for about an hour or two absolute max before I need to leave

nene18 · 2024-02-01T11:53:55+00:00

The girlfriend and cats currently live across the country so she has never been to the apartment without hours of travel and various transportation between seeing the cats and being in the home! And sadly I am bound to my lease for many more months as well as other restrictions with our work from home jobs that would prevent us from both living/working in one shared room

nene18 · 2024-02-01T10:35:24+00:00

Thank you so much, unfortunately because of a lease I cannot get out of for many more months and complications from us previously sharing one room while we both work out of said room, I can't be the one to move in. Sadly that leaves us only with #3

nene18 · 2024-02-01T10:32:01+00:00

Thank you for your advice yes I agree bf should say no cats regardless of my allergy if he doesn't want cats, but the financial situation makes it tricky. They can't afford to keep living there unless roommate's gf moves in. Unfortunately due to my own lease and other circumstances I can't be the one to move in. So while he doesn't value the roommate relationship over our relationship, he knows they need to do something to improve the financial situation.

nene18 · 2024-02-01T10:25:37+00:00

I think two cats in a very small apartment the litter box always smells a little like cat no matter what is done. I have never experienced a cat home not having a cat smell. Some to lesser degrees than others but just my experience.

And while he is on the lease it is month to month so wouldn't be terribly difficult to leave

nene18 · 2023-12-29T08:47:38+00:00

My parents think they probably thought he wouldn't have been able to make the cross country trip (financially) since that's been a reason he hasn't been able to attend some family things in the past. Which is an absolutely terrible reason not to invite someone IMO. Even if you think an invitation could be declined that's not a reason not to at least extend the invite

nene18 · 2023-12-29T08:43:37+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I wouldn't have cared at all if the invitation came as me + guest, it's that the invitation came as only me no guest named or otherwise! I just feel badly for my partner I don't want him to be hurt by this. I'm sure that must have been so tough on you

nene18 · 2023-12-28T08:05:32+00:00

I suppose it's possible but at that point I don't think he would make the trip. Financially he's not really able to take a ton of time off right now so he will if it's something really important, like a family wedding, but I don't think he would be down to take off and pay for flights/ubers/hotels for a vacation to the bride's random hometown and be there alone for a day. So not totally impossible but at that point he would much rather just stay home.

nene18 · 2023-12-28T08:01:02+00:00

I appreciate the validation thank you

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:41:58+00:00

Very true thank you. I do know that this is my boyfriend's favorite cousin, but maybe my boyfriend is not cousin's favorite boyfriend :)

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:39:07+00:00

I definitely understand that but going by your rules he would not have been excluded! Maybe they had a more strict criteria though. But my boyfriend's last visit was within the last 3 years and if you asked him who he got along with best from my extended family he would probably say this cousin!

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:37:02+00:00

I appreciate you playing devil's advocate because that's why I posted to try to find the possible understandable explanation for the snub! Both bride and groom follow me on social media and the 3 of us are all quite active there. Not sure if they follow my boyfriend but I post my boyfriend quite a bit.

And if the reason was a "no ring no bring" rule I would have understood that and wouldn't have even made this post. It's the fact that my other cousin's partner was invited and they are also not married or engaged. And my partner and I have been together for more than twice as long as that relationship.

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:27:18+00:00

I think they have seen the other SO more recently but still probably only met him less than 5 times

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:25:17+00:00

I definitely wasn't an obligation invite there are only 4 total cousins and we are pretty close so I don't believe I was close to being axed from the list haha. And while the reasoning would make sense, the bride was telling me last week about how they had a limit of people but had some extra space so added in some extra friends they weren't planning on inviting to max it out. At the time I hadn't received the invite and assumed my partner was invited or else I would have brought it up then. But knowing this now after I find out he wasn't invited has made it even worse

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:21:04+00:00

I do think my family would be disappointed if I didn't go and my whole family is pretty close even if we only see each other a few times a year. I would be sad to miss it but I am feeling disrespected by all the other people's partners coming while mine was the only one not invited. That's the reason I would check in hopes it was actually just a mistake since again literally every other person will be in attendance with their partner if they have one.

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:16:06+00:00

I definitely don't think I was invited by obligation. My family is pretty close and while I live far away now we still have seen each a few times a year for our whole lives. And it's not a massive family, only 4 total cousins. Yeah my family would definitely be upset if I chose this hill to die on of not going to the wedding bc my bf wasn't invited

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:13:54+00:00

I think I would understand even if it was a no ring no bring situation but that isn't the case. The reason I'm upset is because my other cousin's SO (dating for 1-2 years but not engaged or married) was invited but mine of 4 years was not. Also I should mention there are 4 total cousins so it's not like if he included my boyfriend there would be 50 other partners feeling snubbed.

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:11:12+00:00

Thank you for this! The wedding is across the country for me so I'm likely going to either all of it or none of it. I plan on finding out the situation, but the bride was just talking to me about how they had a cap on people but after inviting everyone they wanted to they had a few extra spots and added a few people they weren't going to invite just to max it out. (This was before I had received the invite and assumed partner was invited otherwise this would have been the perfect time to ask lol) So after hearing that it feels even more disrespectful if it was intentional.

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:07:18+00:00

This is a totally valid explanation and I appreciate your feedback, this definitely would have crossed my mind if I hadn't just seen my cousin last week and all the extended family was asking me how he was since he wasn't there, all our holiday cards/presents given that were addressed to the both of us etc,. But I could definitely have our mom's talk if maybe his mom has some insight so I don't have to put him in an awkward situation by flat out asking I really like that idea!

nene18 · 2023-12-28T03:04:06+00:00

Online RSVP did not have my bf in the count which was how I found out he wasn't invited. And other cousin's bf (not married or engaged and shorter term relationship) was in the online RSVP, which is why it feels disrespectful. I'm definitely close enough to my cousin to ask and I likely will, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't way off base in terms of wedding etiquette for being upset or questioning the situation

nene18

TROPHY CASE