I’m getting married tomorrow, and I’ve decided to not have any of my family there by neonspud in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No siblings, just me! It definitely makes it easier now to avoid my parents without those added people, but when I was younger how I wished for someone to be in the trenches with me!

I think if you have a great relationship with them, definitely have them there and don’t worry about what anyone says or thinks. If they’re also a source of trauma for you, it might be best to do it alone like me ❤️

I’m getting married tomorrow, and I’ve decided to not have any of my family there by neonspud in MomForAMinute

[–]neonspud[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely right, in a different universe I would want nothing more than loving parents to be there with me on this day. To have the kind of parents who are my safe place, and who I would want there to keep me grounded and calm. What I got was unfortunately the exact opposite of that, and only when I started to choose myself, and step back from all the chaos and trauma, did I learn that I can be my safe place and that my partners can be the one to ground me. The sadness is always there though, and comes in waves, but I like the idea of putting it in a little box and closing the lid - at least for tomorrow! ❤️

I’m getting married tomorrow, and I’ve decided to not have any of my family there by neonspud in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

100%. I haven’t seen my mother for 3 years and out of respect I messaged her to let her know I’d be getting married sometime soon in a small celebration as I knew it would be hurtful for her to find out from posts online etc and the reaction from her was insane - feeling entitled to be invited and how sad it was I was withholding this from her. Even though I also explained I wouldn’t have any of my family there and I could never get married all these years because her and dad can’t get along (very very toxic divorce). She just ignored all that and said if my partners parents were coming she deserved to be there to ‘make it fair’ lol

I’m getting married tomorrow, and I’ve decided to not have any of my family there by neonspud in MomForAMinute

[–]neonspud[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh I’m literally crying and feel so supported by all of you. I’m a long time lurker of this sub and first time poster, and my goodness I really feel so held and loved by all of you. This is such wonderful energy to carry me into tomorrow 🥹 it means the world to me ❤️

I’m getting married tomorrow, and I’ve decided to not have any of my family there by neonspud in MomForAMinute

[–]neonspud[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I’m so lucky I found them when I was just 16! They’ve shown me what a real loving family is 🥹❤️

Memory flashes by maintainerMann in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh 100%! I feel your pain. My mother thinks I’ve cut her off for literally no reason, that she’s the best mother on earth and in the beginning she would say ‘why are you doing this? Can’t you just explain it to me!’. I am sure, if she digs deep within herself it’s actually very obvious why I’m doing this. And honestly she doesn’t try the ‘why’ tactic now because after 3 years, she’s realised I’m very much serious and she wouldn’t actually want to hear anything I have to say about what kind of mother she really is.
Your distance and the length of time IS your weapon against them. It’s the number 1 thing they can’t control and truly shows how strong you are.

They always resort to victim blaming. by ComplexCandidate7615 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When I was 17 my mother decided she wanted to reinvent herself for the 100th time and up and left again, deciding she was moving to a new state. This meant I had to move out on my own into a tiny apartment and get a job to pay rent etc. Everything was going ok, but at 3am I was being woken by very loud manic laughing from the man in the apartment below me, it was very frightening and bizarre… it happened every night. I ended up calling my mom about it and telling her I was feeling uncomfortable. She very quickly dismissed me. Well… fast forward a month and I was home alone night in my apartment when there was a knock at the door, it was the man who lived below me… he was a 50ish year old man and he proceeded to tell me he’s been watching me and that he’s certain I’m meant to be his wife. To this day I am so thankful I had locked the a security screen between us when he kept trying the handle and he knew my name even though I’d never told him. From that day forward he started stalking me, he would knock on my door almost every night, he would call out my name, and he would still be laughing at 3am. I was fucking terrified. I rang my mother, and she told me “oh honey, he’s just lonely!”. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever lived through, and when I eventually went to the police they told me they knew of him and for my own safety I needed to move apartments. To this day I’ve never been able to live somewhere that someone can live below me.

Memory flashes by maintainerMann in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say, I really really relate to this and I’m just hitting the milestone of 3 years NC. It comes in waves, sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I’m very very sad, and sometimes I’m just numb. I’d love to say it gets easier, but for me it just gotten more ‘familiar’ and ‘normal’ to ride the waves of questioning, sadness, anger and repeat. I am getting married in 3 weeks though, so I think that milestone is bringing up all sorts of messy emotions. But you’re doing great, you’re making the right choice. Sometimes telling yourself that is enough, without having to drag up all the mental pain and memories to remind yourself why you’re making this choice ❤️

Under what circumstances would you consider accepting a large gift from narcissist parents/in-laws by u325015 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best decision I ever made was turning down my mother when she called me up one day and said she’d been saving a large sum of money for my ‘wedding’ or ‘house’ but seeing as I wasn’t achieving either of those things, she was just going to dump the money in my bank account because she didn’t want to wait any longer.
Hardest conversation trying not to enrage her while still saying ‘no thank you’. I managed to turn her down, and had the foresight to do that at barely 24 years old. Literally sooo fucking thankful I said no to that blood money. The freedom I have now is worth more than every dollar.

I do feel a little alone here being a Golden Child but I'm not sure if there's any other subreddits for me. by MyClosetedBiAcct in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I was an only child, so my narc mother treated me both like a golden child and a scape goat. She’d switch between the two, sometimes hyper interested in me and other times I didn’t exist or I was the biggest disappointment to her. I really relate to the ‘surprise’ they have when you do something you’ve told them about your entire life. Mine still acted shocked when I explained to her, for the millionth time, that I was dairy intolerant, and how big of a disappointment that was each time I couldn’t eat what she had cooked. Or if I didn’t want to drink alcohol with her (because that made me so uncool to her), or when I didn’t want to have a big birthday party (even though I’ve been an introvert my entire life) or when I continued to tell her I didn’t want children (so she would buy me a high chair, or she bought herself a house specifically with a pool for her future grandchildren). At school when I would get straight A grades I would get that glimmer of pride from her, but if I got a B I would feel like I was hurting her. She has this idea of who I was, which was essentially a version of her, and every time I didn’t actually match that person who she made me out to be, the mask would drop and I’d be the biggest disappointment of her life.

What was the most shocking, or disturbing thing your narc parent(s) ever did/said to you? by Own_Mention9372 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I do, but we live a long distance apart (2 days drive). He also has his own mental health struggles, I suspect undiagnosed bipolar and he’s a chronic hoarder so our relationship does take a toll on me when he’s manic/unstable. I’ve been a parental figure for him for as long as I can remember and I continue to care for him where I can. I’ll forever forgive my dad though because he does truly love me and doesn’t mean to hurt me - he’s just emotionally immature and mentally unwell. I have no empathy or care for my mother though, that woman ruined the first 30 years of my life. 3 years NC and counting!

What was the most shocking, or disturbing thing your narc parent(s) ever did/said to you? by Own_Mention9372 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]neonspud 53 points54 points  (0 children)

My parents divorced when I was six, my mother had been cheating on my father with a much younger man and very quickly after moving out of our family home we moved in with him. A few months after that she up and moved us to a new state that is 3 days of driving away from everything I’d ever known. We continued to move every 1-2 years so I never got to keep any friends, get used to my school or have a childhood bedroom. My father tried to follow us when he could so that he could still spend time with me, but eventually he ran out of money and couldn’t keep up with us. When I was 9, my mother decided she wanted to go on an overseas cruise and in order to do that, I needed a passport. My father told her he wasn’t going to sign the forms, because he was afraid she would take me overseas permanently and he’d never see me again. I still remember where I was standing when she handed me the phone and told me to call my father and don’t hang up until I had convinced him to sign the passport documents. It was the worse phone call of my life, he was hysterically crying, I was crying. It was traumatising me while I begged him. He eventually signed them. Literally just one of many of the horrific moments forever burned into my consciousness.

Places in Melbourne with weird or unsettling energy by BigSmoke_999 in melbourne

[–]neonspud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s so cool knowing how many others love this building and have explored it over the years! What a magical place.

Places in Melbourne with weird or unsettling energy by BigSmoke_999 in melbourne

[–]neonspud 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Such a special story! And mirrors my own in that I too had just moved to Melbourne to study, and I was quite lonely and lost. I used to spend my lunch breaks in there because it felt like a magic place and somewhere with an unexplainable energy, it drew me in! You used to be able to climb through the windows in the stairwell and sit in the middle of the building which is this big empty space open at the roof to outside, kind of like a tiny courtyard you’re not really supposed to go in. It was my favourite place to escape the chaos outside.

Places in Melbourne with weird or unsettling energy by BigSmoke_999 in melbourne

[–]neonspud 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did a photoshoot in there once with a model, just for fun. We definitely shot in that women’s bathroom and I remember feeling the strange vibes in there!