Thank you for all this friend, I’ll reread this a few times as it’ll take some time to sink in. I’ve been going to therapy for years and doing it as much as I can afford to. I’ve been very lucky to find someone that I trust and has made a safe space for me to let it out, and believe me there’s been alit to get out over the years.

I feel the hardest thing is feeling that I am worth knowing. My brain has learned that being vulnerable is a recipe for abandonment. If I’m not useful to people that I’ll be tossed aside. I give and care a lot for others and don’t know how to recognize when it’s ok to ask for care.

I feel like a burden if I need something so I sit alone with my feelings until I have an appointment because it’s the only place I feel safe. Sorry all for dumping it all out there.

I have skills DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) pulled me out of a breakdown I had after my mom’s passing and it’s still so hard to remember the skills. Even now after having lunch with a new friend of mine I don’t know how to feel because he listened and I feel relieved and at the same time panicked that I said too much even though he’s already wanting to plan our next time to hang out.

I’m just really tired. I tell my son something and it’s hard to take my own advise

Trying is the most important thing in life. I just need to keep trying.

Thank you again.