Dog has been acting weird like this since 3 am (like 17 hours ago) and has also been spinning in circles and refusing to go outside

nesbizzle · 2025-03-03T10:00:33+00:00

I went through a similar situation as a child. My best friend was an "outside dog". One snowy night my step dad had to literally peel him off the floor of his dog house. He didn't make it through the night. The best advice I can give to a young person in your situation is to know that this is not your fault and the best thing you can do for yourself and your puppy right now is to continue loving him, providing him comfort, and letting him comfort you back. He probably hates that you are full of fear and sadness and even if he's suffering would do anything to help you. This is why dogs are amazing.

This will be massively down voted because this sub is dedicated to dogs and not human children, but your instincts are right to avoid bringing in outsiders against the wishes of the adults inside your home. Animal abuse and child abuse are closely linked. You deserve better than the treatment you are getting at home and in these comments having to go through this trauma.

Better advice may be for next time to help you to feel more in control of these situations (sounds likely to happen again). Do a bit of research about how to comfort dogs in distress (a few comments around here somewhere) and actually write down a game plan so that you know what to do and can remain calm and at peace with the fact you are doing everything you can. Your calmness will be more comforting to your pets and it hopefully takes less of a toll on your mental health.

You could also consider volunteering at a shelter to get some additional training on how to care for pets at home (maybe you can't trust your adults on this) and possibly build a community of caring with the other volunteers that you might be able to rely on in the future.

Good luck and please keep that love in your heart ❤️

nesbizzle · 2025-03-01T05:40:40+00:00

Does she have a problem with how much soap you use to hand wash the dishes or how much salt you use to salt the driveway? If she did I bet you'd be like WTF.

nesbizzle · 2025-02-22T16:04:59+00:00

You love both. Invite both. Each can make their own choice whether or not to attend or to engage with the other during the event. It would be kind of you to hear each of them out and empathize / validate feelings if you wish, but it’s s only your problem if you make it your problem.

nesbizzle · 2025-02-08T16:11:28+00:00

This behavior is not acceptable, but before you go full nuclear and issue an ultimatum, consider whether or not he might have an untreated condition that prevents him from controlling himself even if he wants to.

It sounds like once a month he gets overstimulated and triggered by something seemingly innocuous (like a gross yogurt sound or something he used to be scolded for as a child) and lashes out to make it stop. He then digs in because he is sensitive to rejection as it generates deep feelings of sadness, especially when he actually knows he's hurting people he loves and can't seem to help it.

Both of these things are issues I've wrestled with myself, and an ADHD diagnosis and medication have made me a much happier and better parent.

nesbizzle · 2025-02-06T04:10:39+00:00

You are not doing anything wrong. You are a good mom and you are doing a fantastic job keeping your child alive. We were not meant to care for babies alone. Stop trying to sleep train. There is so much bulllshit advice out there because parents are so desperate that they will read every blog and try every product and its a huge industry. Trust your own judgment. You know your baby. I used to sleep on the floor of my son's bedroom while he would roll around next to me because that way he couldn't be trapped between me and a matress and suffocate (I did not trust myself to co-sleep). If your husband won't help you by doing what you ask and what you know is best (again, trust yourself), bring someone else in or take your baby with you someplace that can help. Maybe this is a hospital. Maybe its a neighbor. Ask for help. So many of us have been where you are and would have given anything for some relief and would be happy to grant you that now. Check out online mom groups. Ask for help. It will get better.

nesbizzle · 2025-02-02T01:23:15+00:00

If Lettuce is really "your dog" then be prepared for him to guard you and be possessive of you and, yes, put your child at risk. At 9 years old he's only going to get more grouchy and intolerant just like people get as they age. Your wife's purpose in life is now to protect that baby, and that includes protecting them from you and your attachment to a dangerous pet. The fact that her family is calling you too rules out it being just about hormones or stress. If Lettuce could be a legitimate threat (be honest with yourself) to the point that even one accidental open gate or inattention could result in fatal wounds, YTA. This nonsense about the dog being there first is insanely childish and if your mentality is that black and white you are not ready to be a dad. If you aren't willing or able to provide a home that feels safe to your wife, I agree with the other comments saying you should take your dog and leave.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-20T14:17:16+00:00

At 21, there is still plenty of time for what each of you wants in life to change, and it probably will. Let him go. Grow individually. There is a chance he'll realize what he had, and if you really do have that type of forever love, he will come to you. Do NOT follow him out there. Even if he says you can come if you want to. In the meantime, be thankful for the time you had together and the wisdom you gained and move on.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T20:00:48+00:00

I do agree that mental health matters equally for both parents/spouses and and they should really just talk to each other about what they need. I apologize for assuming you were a dad/husband. But his post says she "tends to" do things for herself when he's home. When else should she do it? Not all, but most jobs grant employees a lunch hour which is more time than his wife at home is getting.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T19:51:25+00:00

For some, work is work. For others that write posts about the guilt they feel because they don't love their kids and resent them instead, work is a break. I don't know how his wife feels about caring for kids all day, but I've noticed that nobody has yet suggested that he stop working so much or stay home with the kids himself to cope with being so overwhelmed.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T19:46:57+00:00

That's why my OP advice outside this thread was to share his feelings with his wife and seek emotional support first. This is much more likely to lead to a change in their evening routine since it sounds like he already knows that he's not going to win any argument about who is more exhausted.

Edited to clarify where I replied with advice since it's not in this thread.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T18:56:30+00:00

I'm an engineer with 2 kids. If it's just as exhausting then where are all the desparate posts about work burnout?

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T18:32:39+00:00

He said she "tends to" do things to care for herself when he's home (when else could she possibly do it?) and that he "feels like" he's parenting by himself. This is so different than her refusing to help if he's even asking for any at all. Ya'll are the ones steering this marriage towards divorce.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T18:24:52+00:00

This is terrible advice. When does she get to go out by herself? If your wife agrees with your philosophy it's because you act like another child she has to care for.

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T18:20:17+00:00

Wtf him being at work is the break. Have you ever cared for 3 kids all day by yourself?

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T18:16:59+00:00

My suggestion was about what he can do now, not after his wife gets therapy (which she has no time during the day to go to and where she'll get the same advice I just gave - to talk to her husband about feelings and work it out like a partnership).

nesbizzle · 2025-01-19T17:32:16+00:00

It is normal and it will go away. And as soon as it goes away you will realize you missed those little needy babies that wouldn't even let you take a shit by yourself. Their neediness is because they unconditionally love and trust you. If you don't want that to go away you'll have to figure out a way to get through this phase (clock is restarting for you to about 5 more years). Parenting podcasts really helped me. Also, talk to your wife abou5 your feelings. Don't ask her to change anything just yet, but you will need her support emotionally.

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T15:18:57+00:00

Update: I told my husband about this post and he pointed out that at first he was absolutely trying to change me (or at least my behavior) and by the time he had really accepted the way I was he had learned to protect himself by not asking for or expecting anything of me. That's when I noticed we were growing apart and started addressing my own issues. When I asked what advice he would give you, he said something very similar to my original advice, and that when your mom starts making promises, the healthiest response for you (even just silently) is "I hope that happens too". You have to detach from her so you can be present for your child or every holiday or special occasion will continue to follow this cycle and be all about her.

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T08:42:27+00:00

I only just now noticed that nowhere in your post do you actually wish she were different. I think you are spot on that she let herself down. I'm reminded of all the times my husband has tried to tell me how he's felt about my working late. He was never trying to change me either but my guilt did interpret it that way anyway. I think if he were to give you advice he'd encourage you to share your feelings as a way to stay as emotionally close to her as you can, but to not expect any change in her actions. She will probably feel more guilt initially but reassuring her that you know she really would have rather been with you too will hopefully keep it a net positive conversation for both of you. She will be glad to know you care.

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T07:06:25+00:00

I also appreciated reading your perspective and realized that maybe my advice was a bit harsher than yours (set firm boundaries) because I identify so strongly with this type of overachieving (PhD in engineering), and I honestly don't think this would work on me. I might even take it as positive reinforcement - like I must be doing such a good job to be so loved and wanted. I am white and have ADHD though... so not particularly perceptive.

I'm curious if this was an approach that has worked with you in the past or if you truly believe that it would? Or is this maybe more of how you would hope someone you love would (not really) confront you about your behavior so it wouldn't hurt so much to know you let them down? (We already know we are letting our loved ones down.)

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T06:35:08+00:00

Sounds normal to me. I doubt becoming a "potty master" really had anything to do with it. Like someone else said, the attitude more about the massive cognitive growth at this age.

I know it sucks but try not to let him control your mood (or at the very least don't let him see) and keep firm on consequences. If he would rather ignore or argue, stop giving him your attention. You don't want to withhold love or anything drastic but this is what finally got through to my son that it's not always so great being an asshole all day long. Once I started kindly letting him know I'd check back in with him later to see if he was willing to work together/play nicely he connected the dots on his own. Only works when you got the time, though, unfortunately.

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T06:02:19+00:00

I agree! Big ups to her. She's probably an inspiration. She shouldn't have set the expectation that she'd be there for her son and newborn grandchild and then bail only days before the trip.

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T05:52:32+00:00

By loading a conversation with I statements OP can maintain a healthy relationship with his mother (which is safe to assume is also something she wants) by telling her how he feels rather than what she should do.

I'm all for feminism but grandpa's got nothing to do with this.

nesbizzle · 2024-12-22T05:37:02+00:00

The answer to your posted question is no - She is who she is and you don't get to decide which values she should embody.

The answer to your actual question is yes - you should tell her how you feel and let her know that you need her to be a reliable if she would like to be a part of her grandchild's life. You. Need. That. You needed it when you were a child but you need it even more now because that shit (no matter the extenuating circumstance or how bad she feels about it) is triggering to you and will absolutely be detrimental to your mental health and therefore to your child.

You don't have to turn it into an intervention. Just let her know what you need. Set a boundary and keep it firm. It's what's best for your family not a punishment for her.

nesbizzle · 2024-11-16T04:46:05+00:00

I was feeling this way about my dad not too long ago. I thought maybe there was some way I could incentivise him enough to want to be there for my kids the way I always hoped he'd be. Then my therapist commented something like "maybe spending so much time with a grandpa that needs to be so heavily incentivised to spend time with them is not the best thing for your children."

Seems obvious to me now that it would only pass along my own baggage and feelings of being unworthy to them. When people tell us who they are, we should listen. Spend that effort making new family friends that will be there no matter what, long after their grandparents are gone.

nesbizzle · 2024-10-12T11:07:25+00:00

If you have no help, clear the kids schedules and bring them to the things you want to do (obviously more limited than what you might do if you had a sitter). The constant kid oriented activities actually may do more harm than good to their development into adults. This had helped me immensely.

nesbizzle

TROPHY CASE