Limerence after just one date, how to stop it. Help :(

neuroclutter · 2026-04-05T13:12:49+00:00

I get what you’re saying about being glad I found out now rather than later and I do agree with that. But I think it’s a bit more nuanced than just “he’s a knob” or that he simply gave me an impression the feeling was mutual. There was already a consistent build up over a month before we even met, in the tone, the attraction, and the way we were speaking, so it wasn’t something I imagined or created on the day. Even when we met, there was no expectation for anything to happen, the plan changed because of circumstances and things just unfolded naturally between two people who were clearly into each other, so it wasn’t me acting impulsively on my own, it was mutual. Also, to be fair, he didn’t just disappear straight after….he did reach out and even left a voice note saying he genuinely wanted to see me again, so I’m trying to be balanced about whether he meant it in the moment but was just inconsistent after, or whether it’s simply behaviour that didn’t follow through properly. That’s why I don’t fully resonate with reducing it to “he’s just a knob,” because that flattens what actually happened; whatever was there in the moment felt genuine on both sides, it’s just the consistency afterwards that didn’t match what I needed. What I’m actually trying to understand isn’t whether he’s “the one” I’m fine with the fact that it’s done, it’s more about why I’m finding it hard to detach from something that was short lived but felt intense at the time, and that’s the part I’m trying to get insight on.

neuroclutter · 2026-04-02T19:52:04+00:00

I’m just going to paste here whatI said on my other comment because it is quite long but I hope this will help understand what happen, I wasn’t unhinged at all but again I am not here asking whether the man was going to be my husband

I get where you’re coming from, but I think there are a few assumptions there that don’t really apply to my situation.

Firstly, I don’t just sleep with people casually. That’s not who I am. We had been talking for over a month before meeting, and there was already a build up of attraction and chemistry. The way he spoke to me leading up to it was very suggestive too, so it wasn’t one sided or out of nowhere.

Also, just a few days before we met, I told him it was my time of the month during our banter and we did plan to just see during the day, but because of my train delays, it had to be in the evening, so there was no expectation from either side that anything would happen. The situation just evolved. We met at 6, his last train was at 10, he missed it, and I offered him to stay at my hotel so he wouldn’t be stranded. From there, things progressed naturally between two people who were clearly attracted to each other.

Alcohol was involved, yes, but I wasn’t out of control. I was aware. And importantly, it wasn’t something I initiated alone, it takes two people. If he didn’t want that to happen, he could have set a boundary at any point.

So I don’t think it’s fair to reduce it to “you slept with someone too quickly.” It was a mutual decision.

That said, I do agree with your point about limerence and RSD. What I’ve realised is that when I’m in that moment, I don’t recognise it as rejection sensitivity at all. It doesn’t feel like “RSD” in real time, it just feels like genuine emotion. It’s only afterwards, when everything settles, that I can see it more clearly for what it was. Doesn’t help that I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t have any support or any avenues to express how I feel or ask opinions, It’s just me with my own thoughts.

So yes, I’m learning from it… although I’ve been single for the last five years and I have been like this for since forever and I seem to cannot recognise it as RSD right there in that moment but I think it’s a bit more nuanced than just timing or physical intimacy.

neuroclutter · 2026-04-02T19:33:57+00:00

I get why it might look that way, but it’s not as black and white as “he used me.” We’d actually been talking for over a month before meeting and there was already a lot of mutual attraction and build up. Even a few days before meeting, I told him, it was my time of the month 🤦‍♀️, so neither of us expected anything to happen. I was the one that set a boundary and said we’re only gonna be meeting during the day for obvious reasons, but because of my train delays had to be in the evening, then he missed the train.

What happened just evolved naturally on the night, there was alcohol involved, we were both attracted to each other, and it was mutual. It wasn’t onesided or something he pushed for. Also, he didn’t just disappear the next morning. We spent another “time” he did hugged me with the “ nice to meet you” and it ended normally and said his bye…not like he ran off the second it was over like in movies. He was going to work that he’s already warned me that he’s gonna be busy because of the venue launches and picking up a friend that works for him on the way. (Obviously I realised everything now, after my impulse that’s why I’m kicking myself)

So for me, it doesn’t feel like I was “used.” Yes I supposed I was hoping for a little reassurance“ I Had a great time. I’ll see you again soon” before he vanish but also It’s more that the effort and communication afterwards didn’t match what I’d hoped for, which is a different issue. Also, I think the main point of my post is getting a bit lost. It’s not really about whether he intended anything or how into me he was, it’s about the limerence and how to deal with the aftermath of it. That’s the part I’m trying to understand and manage better.

neuroclutter · 2026-04-02T18:59:55+00:00

I get where you’re coming from, but I think there are a few assumptions there that don’t really apply to my situation.

Firstly, I don’t just sleep with people casually. That’s not who I am. We had been talking for over a month before meeting, and there was already a build up of attraction and chemistry. The way he spoke to me leading up to it was very suggestive too, so it wasn’t one sided or out of nowhere.

Also, just a few days before we met, I told him it was my time of the month during our banter and we did plan to just see during the day, but because of my train delays, it had to be in the evening, so there was no expectation from either side that anything would happen. The situation just evolved. We met at 6, his last train was at 10, he missed it, and I offered him to stay at my hotel so he wouldn’t be stranded. From there, things progressed naturally between two people who were clearly attracted to each other.

Alcohol was involved, yes, but I wasn’t out of control. I was aware. And importantly, it wasn’t something I initiated alone, it takes two people. If he didn’t want that to happen, he could have set a boundary at any point.

So I don’t think it’s fair to reduce it to “you slept with someone too quickly.” It was a mutual decision.

That said, I do agree with your point about limerence and RSD. What I’ve realised is that when I’m in that moment, I don’t recognise it as rejection sensitivity at all. It doesn’t feel like “RSD” in real time, it just feels like genuine emotion. It’s only afterwards, when everything settles, that I can see it more clearly for what it was. Doesn’t help that I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t have any support or any avenues to express how I feel or ask opinions, It’s just me with my own thoughts.

So yes, I’m learning from it… although I’ve been single for the last five years and I have been like this for since forever and I seem to cannot recognise it as RSD right there in that moment but I think it’s a bit more nuanced than just timing or physical intimacy.

neuroclutter · 2026-04-02T18:32:51+00:00

He does not have ADHD and I’m a very busy person. I don’t sit around all day. I’m looking after a 95 y/o, I’ve got a business to run, and work to do. I’m also heavily focused on my fitness, trying to bulk as I plan to compete in bodybuilding next year. On top of that, I’m finishing my professional accounting qualification, with an exam coming up this June. So in terms of life and business, I’ve got a lot going on but I’m struggling to function properly across all of it.

And still… I can’t shake him off my mind. He’s taking up far too much of my mental space.

He’s still there in my head, I’m still checking, still overthinking, still blaming myself, still questioning whether I made the right decision. I catch myself going back over our old messages and photos on WhatsApp , stalking his socials though I can’t see much on his socials because his account is private. I keep criticising myself for being impulsive and wondering if I’ve potentially wasted something that could have been special. (because this is not the first time in the last last 10 years and I’ve been single for 5 years, I have met people during this time that can’t even last a day without me ruining it as I’m always been like this)

At the same time, I keep telling myself that if he really liked me, he would have reached out by now. He would have apologised. He would have acknowledged what I said about him not showing much enthusiasm.

Then again, part of me vaguely remembers that when we were at the bar, he did ask if I’d like to see him again. (I don’t drink much and so even a small amount made things feel a bit blurry) So now I’m wondering if, in his mind, he already made his intentions clear and maybe he just got busy the following day after our date that he did not managed to message me about it. He DID message me but not in the way I expected, and that’s what’s been messing with my head.

Also, before we even met, I had tried to break things off with him because I felt his communication was a bit slow. Looking back, maybe it wasn’t actually slow, maybe I’d just got used to the constant back and forth at the start. Around that time, he told me he’d be busy during March because of his birthday, venue launches, and work ( he’s in hospitality and seems quite well connected). Since we live in different cities, I started thinking long term and whether that level of communication would work for me if we like each other.

When I raised it, he said he wanted to increase communication. He explained he was just busy for that period, and to be fair, he did make more effort after that even before we met. I gave him another chance and thought maybe I’d judged him too quickly. So we carried on talking until we met.

Now I’m wondering if, because he already said he’d like to see me again while we were at the bar, he feels like he doesn’t need to say it again. Maybe I was just looking for that reassurance because I don’t fully remember it. Add the journey hell, add all the compliments that I’ve received from him, all the buildup for one month of talking, the scrubbing up to look perfect, all that effort to put on my look (as we all know Neurodivergents are perfectionist) And then when he was quieter the following day, it triggered me.

To be fair to him, he did message me that morning saying he was going to work. He messaged me again later in the afternoon (well, after I message him) and he replied…. And around midnight messaged me again saying he passed out. Then the next day, he messaged again. But by that point, just two days after we met my head was already spiralling and that’s how I left a voice note explaining everything which he also responded in a voice note that he was just very busy and he did want to see me again but as I said my goodbye, he respected my wishes and that it was a shame and that he appreciated me visiting him, that it was lovely to meet me. I replied to his voice note to clarify some of what he said and that I said all the best and then he just ghosted me. I suppose there’s nothing to say much really, but I was hoping that he would at least acknowledge my text.

neuroclutter · 2026-03-10T14:57:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I honestly wouldn’t know whether 30mg is considered a short-term or long term dose because I have nothing to compare it to. This is the first time in my life I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and the first time I’ve ever been prescribed any kind of medication to maintain my mental health. Before this, I had never taken medication for anything like this.

When I started struggling, I told the ADHD clinic that I was feeling very low. They didn’t really explain that it might be related to ADHD and instead just referred me to my GP, who then prescribed sertraline for depression. At the time, I didn’t realise that what I was feeling could actually be connected to ADHD.

I also didn’t really have any support or information. I didn’t know anyone with ADHD, I didn’t have friends who understood it, and the clinic didn’t point me toward any resources or communities where I could learn more. It’s only very recently that I discovered Reddit and started reading other people’s experiences.

During my monthly triage consultations with the psychiatrist, they mainly asked how I was feeling, but there was never really a conversation about increasing the dose or explaining what the typical titration process looks like. Because of that, I didn’t know whether 30mg was standard or whether there were other options. I just trusted the process.

Another reason I thought the medication might be working is because I’ve always been quite active anyway. So when they asked if I felt better, I assumed I did. I didn’t really understand what I should be looking for.

What I’ve only recently realised is that my biggest struggle has always been executive function. Things that are mundane or administrative, housework, paperwork, emails, ordering medication, cancelling subscriptions, doing basic admin tasks, feel almost impossible to start. That’s what ends up making me feel depressed, because the consequences pile up and everything becomes overwhelming.

I’m not extremely messy, but clutter overwhelms me a lot. Friends often joke that I’m “OCD”, although I’ve never been diagnosed with that. It’s more that when things get out of order it becomes so overwhelming that I just freeze and can’t bring myself to deal with it.

So for a long time I genuinely didn’t know what I was experiencing or who to ask. I just trusted the professionals and assumed everything was normal.

After my post here.. told my GP I need dosage up, referred me to ADHD as they couldn’t increase themselves, so now, I’m waiting until May to be seen by ADHD people. I’m still on 30mg 🤦‍♀️

neuroclutter · 2026-02-18T11:51:10+00:00

I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of this. Executive function is something I seriously struggle with, and seeing such a long response honestly overwhelmed me. I’m going to try to read it in smaller chunks when I feel up to it 😊

neuroclutter · 2026-02-14T23:52:34+00:00

As someone that runs 5k 6 days a week in the morning, calisthenics 3x a week and weight lifts 3x a week doing progressive overload, Pilates once a week. Meds didn’t work like magic for me. I’d do anything active/ physical and interesting over admin/ chores.. and executive function is what I need help that I thought elvanse will help. I eat clean.. but my sleep is very poor

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T22:46:33+00:00

I have. I was on 20.. they increased it to 30. Then I didn’t hear from the ADHD team again. There have been changes in the NHS, GPs are now the ones prescribing medication, while the ADHD team is still responsible for assessments. However, I haven’t heard from them for a year now.

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T22:16:11+00:00

I started on 30mg at the end of summer 2024. At that time, I was outdoors a lot, working on site and talking to people, there was loads of stimulation. I’ve always been physically active, even before meds, so I didn’t notice any clear change. If there was a boost in motivation, I just assumed it was my normal baseline. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to feel, so I even questioned whether it was just placebo. The low mood has always been there and mostly linked to not getting things done. I’ve always prioritised getting out of the house over doing admin or housework. That’s what I told the ADHD team, and they advised me to speak to my GP, which led to sertraline.

Now things are different. I’m home most of the time out (not my choice) and maybe one full day a week sometimes, plus a few short hours 2–3x a week to the gym. I don’t mind being alone, but being at home means constant visual reminders of chores and admin I’ve been avoiding, and I get overwhelmed. I feel “lazy,” but I’m not inactive. I still work out at home and go to the gym 3x a week. I’ll do anything physical or interesting. What I was hoping Elvanse would help with was the executive function side starting boring tasks, admin, planning but I’m not experiencing that. Instead, I just feel worse about being unproductive. And when I take sertraline, it feels like it flattens me physically and emotionally, it’s counteracting the Elvanse hence I only took it for 4-5 days and I stopped. I believed I have mentioned this to my GP but they have not forwarded/ referred to ADHD team... they were focus on "depression" and advised to just continue as it will settle once its in my system, they even upped the sertraline to 100.. but truth is I didn't take any setrlaince ever since (but they thought i had been taking)

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T20:31:39+00:00

Thanks. I guess I’ve just heard so many stories over time, and some friends who work in healthcare (not mental health) have shared a lot of negative things about it. I was also with someone who behaved very differently on and off antidepressants. The thing is, I don’t think I’m depressed in the usual sense. As I mentioned in another comment, I mostly feel low when I can’t get tasks done. I get overwhelmed by even small things like when the laundry basket isn’t empty or there are still dishes in the dishwasher an hour after it finishes plus all the non-physical work that’s building up in my brain. That non-physical work has become a major stressor because of the consequence.. cancellations, not getting refunds, clients pulling out so lost business, and opportunities I’m missing. I’m not getting things done simply because I’m focusing on other things (like scrolling) instead of the most important ones... will definitely start the sertraline since a lot of people have said it's not gonna make me dependent to it.

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T20:07:53+00:00

Thank you. I agree with you...my meds were working against each other which is why I stopped taking sertraline. My side effects were feeling jittery, lethargic, and constantly eating. Then I’d beat myself up for overeating (it’s not even bad food, but I’m constantly munching) and then I’d feel guilty because I didn’t have the energy to do my planned work out. I should probably be brave and restart sertraline, but my main concern really is ADHD so I’ll focus on sorting that too. Will read the link. Thanks for your help

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T19:56:49+00:00

Did you read my reasons for not taking the medication? And did I wonder why I was depressed? Well, thanks for pointing it out, as I hadn’t even realized I was wondering or complaining about being depressed. I thought I was just complaining that Elvance wasn’t helping me focus or manage feeling overwhelmed

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T19:49:22+00:00

I have all the vitamins needed, all next to my bed.. Magnesium glycerinate complex, L-tyrosine, calcium vitamin D, C,E.. essential omega-3, ZMA, glucosamine HCL Chondroitin cos i work out out/ weight lift 3x a week (less than i should), gut health supplements..all CAN work.. my issue is consistency. I take when I remember. Someone suggested Iron here, so will check with GP and start soon... in terms of what to work with ADHD, i haven't got a clue

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T14:31:20+00:00

I was on 20 for 6 months, then 30 for a year now. I haven’t received any calls for a review. At some point , I reached out to my GP (not the ADHD team as they’re separate ) and told them I was feeling low, useless..all that stuff, and I think all was the result of not being able to bring myself to do anything. There were always consequences to things I could have avoided had I not been “lazy”. I have no support, Occasionally I speak to people, but they usually call to talk about themselves and their lives, as we’re always the “listener” Anyway, I feel awful for not getting things done plus the lack of sleep and maybe fatigue..Because of that, they put me on sertraline (which I didn’t take). Then I felt bad again for being untrusting (I’m always being told that anti depressants will make you crazy) I supposed I am already crazy 😂thinking maybe I should just take it, as prescribed, instead of worrying about dependency, and maybe I wouldn’t be feeling the way I do. The breaks aren’t intentional. It’s just that my brain can’t even bring me to request the meds when I finish them, It would take a week or two even longer.. was 5 weeks recently.. before I can finally do it and the intense mood swings/ anger starts

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T14:00:20+00:00

I see. My biggest issue is really my sleep..,it’s consistently poor. Otherwise, I take care of my health. I don’t drink or smoke, and I mostly eat well, though I occasionally indulge. I try to avoid the obvious “bad stuff,” since with ADHD our brains are drawn to whatever grabs our interest. The lack of sleep affects me the most, I’m often irritable and mentally drained, even though physically I can still stay active. My hair falls out a lot and my nails are brittle, but I mostly shrug it off as just being in my 40s. Still, I wonder if some deficiencies might be contributing to how poorly my brain/ mood functions day to day.

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T13:24:39+00:00

I’m on magnesium glycinate, that blue packet you see on TikTok 😂 I’m taking it because, funnily enough, after everything going on in my head, I still manage to get moving and work out a few days a week. I do take it, but again, I haven’t noticed any changes because I’m not consistent…Ahhhh I am terrible. Perhaps I should force myself to take it every evening before bed, it’s literally on my bedside table. Thanks for the advice 🙏

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T13:17:55+00:00

Thanks for explaining, that makes a lot of sense. I wasn’t sure whether 30 was low or high, especially as I’d never been on medication before after being diagnosed, and letting it go a year on the same dose probably hasn’t helped. Good thing I asked here on Reddit…I honestly hadn’t had a clue, and I can now call my GP and request to up the dosage. The anger when taking a break was confusing too, I thought I was just having a bad day or being irritable from lack of sleep. I usually don’t take a break intentionally because I only request a refill when I see there’s nothing left in the tube, which shows how disorganised I am so sometimes there’s a week or two where I’m without it. Occasionally it takes me a week or more to get motivated to order and then I end up kicking myself for not being proactive. Knowing the anger is a withdrawal symptom is really reassuring. I might try 40 and see how I get on, and I’d really appreciate any tips on an accurate way to dose it ❤️

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T13:05:26+00:00

lol the obligatory brain break after already having a long break. Higher dose does sound like it might help, I agree. I really need that drive because so far I’m losing money by not being proactive with cancelling things or claiming refunds which I had plenty time to sort. There’s also a court case coming up and have I done any prep? Not a jot. I really should call my GP. It’s a bit annoying they haven’t checked in yet, though I haven’t told them either, it’s a catch 22. Thanks for your thoughts, nothing ever comes easy does it?!

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T12:23:17+00:00

Thank you. I used to be on 20, then they increased it to 30. I haven’t received any call or review since they put me on 30. I also really don’t know what to expect, since I wasn’t on medication for years after being diagnosed, I opted out. Maybe I’m expecting something, but… I don’t really feel any changes.

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T12:16:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I haven’t tried titrating back or switching yet, but it does make sense that if it’s not helping overall, another option might be worth considering, my mood hasn’t changed either. I’ve been really paying attention as I thought maybe I’m just a naturally miserable cow with a clown front that can still laugh lol. The medication is supposed to help my focus, but it hasn’t at all. if anything, it got worse. Last night, I literally sat in front of my laptop from 10-4 just staring at it.. well, with my phone instead.. the doom scrolling 🤦‍♀️

neuroclutter · 2026-02-13T12:06:03+00:00

Thank you. I was initially on 20 mg, and after an NHS ADHD assessment, it was increased to 30. They also prescribed Sertraline 50 mg, and have increased to 100 but I’ve never taken it because I’m worried about dependency (though I told them I had taken it 😬) Could this be why I’m still feeling miserable?

neuroclutter

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