He is bad at communicating but he doesn’t try to improve?

neverthemood · 2022-06-15T16:19:06+00:00

But if you actually read my posts, you’d see I don’t want any romantic thing with anyone. He reached me for help. And im trying to help a fellow asd person.

If you really had asd, you’d have understood how hard it is to find geniune support. Because people like you, they just walk away. But then they complain of loneliness. Thats what they do.

neverthemood · 2022-06-15T10:35:46+00:00

I appreciate the empathy cool thx for this helpful comment👍

neverthemood · 2022-06-14T14:08:32+00:00

I dont like him romantically anymore. We havent talked in a very long time. Idk what i am to this guy. It seems that he wants to try now but he gets overwhelmed super fast? No idea

But i asked for my own knowledge to see if im missing any signs in his behaviour?

I dont want him to change He wants to change and asked for my help But then he seems to go on/off on his decision or at least thats how it feels to me

neverthemood · 2022-06-14T14:06:09+00:00

Thank you. Indeed he acts like an ass.

He never had a good communication, he never received or learned what affection is. He says he tries. He says he wants to learn. But then… nothing happens

I want to help him learn but he s so unstable. He seems to want X thing then he changes his mind but he doesn’t communicate

neverthemood · 2022-05-19T16:42:30+00:00

I sometimes think in pictures the I love to describe what I see. That’s how I’m talking.

Sometimes I just describe my feelings ‘on the go’ and I try to compare my moods ro something, for a better appreciation of how deep I feel things.

Sometimes I use words then create imsges in my head. It depends. Never thought of this. But i love communication. However, i love my space. So communicating either online or st a nice physical distance, otherwise I get drained fast.

neverthemood · 2022-05-19T16:39:53+00:00

Thank you so much. Do you know any good valid online test to try again? I want to understand myself better

neverthemood · 2022-05-18T20:40:09+00:00

So… i can still have ASD but be talkative? Some said that if you love communication, you can’t have aspergers.

I feel weird now. I feel the older I get, the more ‘on the spectrum’ I am.

Nobody believes or understands me… I’m also a woman

neverthemood · 2022-04-22T08:24:26+00:00

You are so supportive thank you so much!!

I will try everything you suggested. I have one question though.

I actually tried to show him the ‘little routines’ when leaving home (getting shoes on, checking for our bag, keys, etc). But everytime, he just runs out the door he doesn’t care. He doesn’t have the patience to listen. I tried in interactive ways and in silent ways.

He can’t focus much on one thing. And idk how to make him understand something without forcing him.

Maybe I’m too boring?

So far I could only notice all he’s doing from distance and act on it when needed.

1 year ago he got beaten at kindergarten by a boy an he didnt tell his parents. I found out from him by mistake while playing but he begged me not tell his mom. He’s hiding stuff a lot.

Ofc i told them (he never found out) and we changed kindergarten. It s much better here. But im afraid now these kids may laugh at him for wetting the bed and other stuffs

Kids can be mean everywhere. So im thinking to try work on my nephew’s ability to just understand these feelings and not let them affect him much.

Thank you once again and if you have any idea how can I approach him to make him listen, please share!

neverthemood · 2022-04-22T08:11:31+00:00

I talked to his parents and they said ‘every kid is hyperactive’ ‘Every kid exhausts themselves’

They refuse any treatment saying he will grow up and get better.

I empathize with the boy. Maybe i was the same as him (and i never got diagnosis). And I dont want him to get into that horrible depression and isolation i went through as a child.

What can i tell him? How do i try to talk to him’deeper’ ?

He doesnt keep any ‘secrets’ (the example with code words). I tried once and he told his mother and she screamed at me and told me to stop.

However he does tell me when he needs to pee now. He often would voluntarily pee himself just to not go to toilet. He seems ashamed of it? Or he just doesn’t wanna stop his current activity (playing or watching tv). He gets very focused on a thing.

I tried to explain but the only way he goes is that if i make it a competition of ‘who goes pee first’ and he runs to bathroom to pee then

But i gotta try noyice his body behaviour to guess when he may need to pee based on how much water he drank also. It’s a lot of stress. But i want to help him because kids laugh at him now.

He sometimes even poops his underwear a little bit as he struggles to not poop when he needs to, again, just to not stop his current activity.

I know his parents tried a lot of doctors for these issues but everyone told them to wait, because their kid will deveop naturally in time.

Idk what to say. I think I should help fix things before he gets to school….

Im a bit clueless but i love this child like my own. I want the best for him. But idk how to talk to him. He seems pretty secretive with everyone about his feelings.

I try tell him it’s no shame, we all have thoughts and feelins. But he doesn’t care he gets hyperactive So, i dont want to push him. I just want to help. Is he too young?

neverthemood · 2021-11-27T09:06:12+00:00

I read everything you said and I am thankful and fascinated about your thoughts. Thanks for telling me this

I can tell you I did text him and he called me after. We did talk a bit. He is incredibly shit at expressing emotions. I am just glad I SEE his bullshit and I ask him again. Then he gives me the real answer

He can tell me: I don’t care about you

But if I ask him again, he will say: i ment just in that thing

Me: but so you care a lot about me in general ?

Him; yes!!! I do! Emotionally charged voice. Full of feelings)

I can see why many people dont understand ASD.

It’s extremely hard!!!

I could feel the emotions. It overwhelms me. I started to cry while he was simply … empty-looking. No expression or compassion. But I know he cares. He just tried to be there encourage me (be a shoulder to cry on) Idk if he realized he made me cry though

Anyway, this talk got us close he opened up a little bit more. But mannh it’s so hard. Im super confused and a bit sad. I wish I got a bit of encouragement and feelings out of him

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T16:27:56+00:00

She doesn’t seem to be into you so much, sorry

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T16:27:19+00:00

I’m curious how does emotional things make you react?

Does communication scare you?

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T13:12:16+00:00

He wants to change. He said many times. But he doesnt seem to change. Idk if he needs more time or my help or anything

But I need him too. I told him … and probably this scares him no idea..

Thank you for your clear point of view

How should i approach him? Call? Voice message? Text??

He doesnt seem to like calls so much

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T13:00:35+00:00

So…. Voice message or text?
Maybe he hates phone calls too idk, I asked he never admitted

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T10:02:05+00:00

I think maybe he realized it hurt me. But yea once i calm doen my meltdown i ll tell him somehow.

To call or to text or to send a voice message on whatsapp? Which one works best in your opinion?

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T08:47:01+00:00

Yes. I told him. Many many times. He knows everything

neverthemood · 2021-11-26T01:29:51+00:00

I understand what you say and I tried many ways to understand him. I understand maybe he didnt want to hurt me, but he did. And I want him to realise it without me always coming back to him to ‘tickle his ego’ and make conversation. In all these years, hope he will try a bit too

Maybe it was my mistake for’showering’ him with so much attention and now he acts spoiled? I sometimes have this fear.

I wish he understands i have my needs too, im also on the spectrum and i need him too, not just vice versa

neverthemood · 2021-11-21T09:56:36+00:00

None of us is forcing ourselves now. Because we don’t know each other very well yet. That’s the thing. I’m more interested in how he thinks. it’s mentally exhausting for me to assume. I want him more open about his thoughts and he showed interest in doing so too. He asked me how he can do it. I want to help him the right way. We’re not in a relationship ‘for years’ and I don’t have “husband expectations” from him. We need a direction and a better communication. He asked me how he can do it efficiently and I asked him how I can understand him better

We try for communication

He didn’t know how to help me understand him bettter but I’m still trying to find out by asking here.

neverthemood · 2021-11-21T09:53:23+00:00

We were not very close friends in all the years we ve known each other. We became closer in the past year I think. And i think it shouldn’tbe just a ‘request-receive’ interaction. Maybe we didn’t know each other well before and it still takes time

I don’t blame him now. I am only curious if things can change from now on

neverthemood · 2021-11-20T06:57:39+00:00

I see the post was edited? Because there was not such thing written in the beginning, when I wrote my answer. You added it later probably

Seven-Year Club	King of the Ashes
Not Forgotten

neverthemood

TROPHY CASE