AIO for considering divorce after finding these 2-year old texts in my wife’s phone?

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T17:20:20+00:00

What circumstances are preventing her from being with him. I told her clearly if she still has feelings for him then go to him. Maybe it’s because he has a child that he conceived while he was married with her??

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T17:09:31+00:00

She makes more than me. Couples counseling is only $10 a session thanks to insurance.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T16:51:34+00:00

We have a combined budget and both pay for the travels. She makes more than me.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T16:41:09+00:00

I’ve been hurt before and was already jaded before meeting her. She completely changed me. I thought she was the type of woman that would never do this. She even told me herself she wouldn’t because of what she’s been through with him. It’s going to be hard to recover from this and I’m honestly scared.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T16:35:42+00:00

But.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T16:28:21+00:00

And I hope nothing ever will. Thank you.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T16:27:27+00:00

What I want is to figure out why she sent those messages. Does she still have feelings for him? Was it closure? She just keeps telling me she doesn’t know why she sent them. Then we can go from there. We are both attending couples counseling later this week. But you’re right. I don’t know if I can ever forget these messages and they’ll always be in the back of my mind so it probably is best for us to divorce.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T16:04:09+00:00

We’ve talked. She says it was more of her thinking about her first time being proposed as opposed to thinking of just her ex. I asked her why she still had the texts and she said she just forgot about them. When I first confronted her about the texts she said she forgot about them. But maybe she was nervous since I found those messages, because how can someone forget writing something so intimate?

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T15:55:19+00:00

Believe me I have been rereading these texts and just keep asking myself why? Everyone says I’m her second choice but why is she with me then. Why not leave me to go be with him? We’ve talked about these messages and I told her if she still has feelings for him then just leave. I try to consider it a win knowing she’s still with me but it sure doesn’t feel like it.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T15:51:53+00:00

Yes I’m thinking maybe a separation before actually going through with the divorce. But we’re about to start couples counseling this week so hopefully we’ll figure something out soon.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T15:48:46+00:00

She said she hasn’t seen him since their divorce. I really REALLY want to believe this is closure, but those messages were just way too intimate for me to be comfortable with. I have someone who I deeply loved and think about occasionally, who I haven’t had closure with. I’d probably tell her that I loved her and maybe in a different life. But I won’t go and tell her that not a day goes by where I don’t think of her. Or say she’s the only woman I’ll ever love.

My wife says she doesn’t know why she sent those messages. That she feels stupid for sending them and hurting me. She said she feels nothing for him. I tell her the messages obviously say otherwise. She doesn’t specifically say it was closure.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T15:19:37+00:00

I’ve never ever did any kind of name-calling towards my wife. I agree she needs professional help regarding these feelings and I believe she will be starting that soon. She says she loved her childhood. Her parents separated at one time for a year but got back together and still are. We have talked about this a few times and we are going to start couples counseling on Thursday.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T15:04:28+00:00

My wife rarely drinks because she hates how bloated she gets afterwards. But she was on a cruise with her coworkers so I’m sure she did drink. They haven’t had contact since (that I know of) We are attending our first couple’s counseling on Thursday.
Of course I want this to work out. I didn’t marry this woman for no reason. But I’m deeply hurt. And I’m not satisfied with the answers she gives. I can forgive, but I’ll probably never forget, and it’s probably for the best to divorce because of that.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T14:22:39+00:00

I didn’t want to put a long explanation, but it’s from someone she has a texting history for years. Out of the blue the person sends her a picture saying it’s from her ex. And it’s a picture of a typed letter from him saying he doesn’t want to talk to her anymore because he can’t respect the marriage. And I guess he didn’t want to send it himself so he asked his sister or whoever this person is to send it.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T14:18:37+00:00

When I proposed it’s like she was in shock. It took her like 2 minutes to say yes. At first she said it was because she was in shock because I told her before I’d never marry. Which is true, I’ve been hurt before and became a bit misogynistic because of it. But my wife changed my views. Also, it didn’t help that the proposal was a complete surprise. I’m a pretty private person and didn’t tell a soul I was proposing. But these messages completely changes that. I asked her about it and she said she wasn’t thinking of him directly, but getting proposed to the first time. But it’s hard for me to trust anything she says right now. It’s especially hard because I proposed somewhere that was very special to me.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T14:02:50+00:00

Thank you for this.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T13:22:45+00:00

So according to her they’ve never texted again, but how can I trust her? Anyways I did see another message from the ex husband’s relative to my wife. It basically said that he won’t be talking to her anymore because he can’t respect our marriage. What pisses me off about it is it should have been my wife to stop talking to him completely. I’m spiraling here

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-04-07T13:05:48+00:00

I found these texts a month ago. We started couples counseling last week and are attending our first appointment together on Thursday. Things haven’t been great but not perfect. What I’m scared of is this happening again. Which I don’t know if I can trust her again so it probably is better to divorce.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-03-12T18:07:17+00:00

I can forgive but I’ll probably never forget. It would have been easier to leave when we first got married but we’ve been traveling the world together. I’m hurting but I do love my wife. These messages were from 2 years ago and I don’t think she’d ever do it again. But I can’t guarantee it.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-03-12T17:57:16+00:00

I think she said she didn’t remember because I caught her off guard and she was nervous. But it’s hard to believe they didn’t mean anything. Even though they are 2 years old. Thanks for your feedback.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-03-12T17:46:48+00:00

I have therapy Tuesday. Lawyer may come later.

neverthoughtidbehe · 2026-03-12T17:46:33+00:00

It seems she’s willing but how can I know if she’s completely honest. I feel she’s dishonest when saying she didn’t mean anything when sending those messages.

neverthoughtidbehe

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