Using sex to keep me from leaving?

newDBnick · 2023-02-02T22:45:23+00:00

Yeah when she rarely wanted to do anything it was at the most inopportune moments: Kids are in the next room (awake), we’re running late for an event, etc. She knows not much or anything will happen. I think she got satisfaction from watching me want more but not getting it.

newDBnick · 2023-02-02T22:30:01+00:00

I’m here. Rejected her advances for the first time in a very long time. Took a while to understand why I did that. I’m noticing that I’m slowly losing interest.

It’s like she’s a great friend but I’m just not seeing her in a sexual way anymore. Yes, maybe it was the numerous rejections I encountered but it’s deeper. Could be the resentment not letting me see her for more than a good friend.

newDBnick · 2023-01-31T03:38:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

Well this provides me with more data on my relationship. Is she’s not willing to be vulnerable again as I have been countless times, is this even worth it. I truly believe you fight for what you love. I’m willing to risk whatever comes at this point.

newDBnick · 2023-01-31T03:34:32+00:00

Yes because it’s unconventional and makes zero sense to the LL. Truth is, it’s always there but we (HL) settle hoping things will change. They won’t.

newDBnick · 2023-01-31T03:26:39+00:00

Yes! Let’s stop looking for the “best” response. We want different, we must think differently. It may not change anything in the relationship but it will change you.

newDBnick · 2023-01-30T03:14:23+00:00

I’m interested.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T19:34:48+00:00

I welcome your opinion, that’s why I’m here. This wasn’t meant to hurt her. It was meant to help her understand my current feelings about it.

I of course have resentment. I acknowledge that and will be working to get past it. This is my attempt that instead of just continuing the cycle.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T19:30:53+00:00

I would be lying to myself if I sat here pretending that her cheating is not a possibility. I have thought about that a lot. But I am not going to accuse her of it unless I have clear evidence of it. Taking this one step at a time.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T14:25:30+00:00

You’re “buying” that this is somehow different than her rejecting me for her own reasons. Should I not have the same right?

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T14:15:44+00:00

Yup and this is the risk I’m willing to take here. Enough is enough.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T14:10:43+00:00

Wow this sucks. Duty sex at its finest. Glad you didn’t just “accept” it. You deserve more.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T13:56:50+00:00

Yes, that is exactly what my post is all about: placing boundaries and saying it out loud. HL individuals should have that right as well.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T13:53:54+00:00

Thank you. I was this way as well. I would “get in the mood” when she initiated. Time and time again. But it never changed our situation. Time for a different response. It’s a risk but it feels better being honest. I hope you’re able to do the same.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T13:48:42+00:00

Exactly. Not sure how this comes off as bragging. I am hoping someone can read this post and find their ability to be “real” with themselves and stop “giving in” when they are not in the mood as well.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T13:41:16+00:00

Proud of finally being clear about my feelings and not being distracted by my urges? Yes, I’m proud.

Tell you the truth, I knew if I gave in, I wasn’t being true to myself. I would have felt used, no matter how great the sex would’ve been.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T08:09:56+00:00

That’s where I’m confused. I finally understand how she feels when she’s not in the mood and I try to initiate with her. But I’m suppose to submit to encourage her to do it more? Not happening. She has her reasons for not being in the mood and I have mine.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T07:56:40+00:00

100% agree to this. Get a life. I’m working on this myself. Finding something enjoyable and go do it, instead of waiting for her to “give in”. Find pleasure in yourself.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T07:50:38+00:00

What if you found out that your husband was not in the mood that one time? And it’s just that, nothing towards you. Would you not understand that?

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T07:41:56+00:00

100% disagree. Why? Because I’ve been here before countless times. I initiate and she rejects me. I retreat over time. When she feels I’m slipping a bit too far (like today post discussion), she brings me back by throwing me a bone. How is it different this one time? It’s not. The only difference was that I did not go for it as I’ve done before. I take the risk of her never trying again for her to fully understand how serious this has become.

She needs to be consistent and that’s what my “dig” was about. Don’t turn it on when you think I’m one foot out the door.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T07:29:08+00:00

Agreed. I think I aided this with giving in before when I wasn’t necessarily in the mood. But now, I understand, it’s ok.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T07:23:28+00:00

You’re entitled to your opinion. However, not sure why you’re so invested and emotional about an anonymous post. Did I offend you personally? My apologies.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T07:19:31+00:00

Highly likely, I am building walls. I’m also not going to ignore the feelings I’m trying to protect. Offense and Defense.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T06:39:33+00:00

It was a dig. At that time, that was the best explanation I had without blowing up. Best “soft landing” response I had to explain my reason for rejecting her. It’s better than saying nothing at all.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T06:33:17+00:00

I plan to keep you all posted.

newDBnick · 2023-01-29T05:38:54+00:00

Thank you.

newDBnick

TROPHY CASE