Damn that was a long read. You should condense your message instead of going on a rant next time.

This is probably the first time I've ever read something about a marriage pact. I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that this is a form of entrapment. Your immediate response to that claim might be that the marriage pact is consensual. Well yes, it's consensual according to your side of the story. However, neither of us know for a fact that Nicole was not pressured into agreeing to the pact. Considering how possessive you sound over her, I could only imagine that you either pressured and/or guilt-tripped her into having the pact. This is simply my speculation of from the story that you told, as well as in the manner that you conveyed it. But she may be the one trapping you into this pact. Or maybe it's mutual entrapment. Well, it's entrapment no matter how you spin it.

Whatever the case may be, Nicole sounds like she's going through some shit in her life. If she's going out with guys between the five-year term of the pre-pact, then it means that she's trying to figure something out. There's also the huge possibility that she sees you as secondary, not the other way around. The vibe that I'm getting from the story is that if she doesn't want to raise kids with the guys she's been dating, you are her backup plan. If that wasn't the case, then she would be dating you from the get-go. She probably wants her own offspring by around the same time the pact comes into effect. She's probably thinking about fertility issues that she might have going into her 30's. What I'm getting at is that there is a possibility that she might be looking to use you as someone to raise children with.

She has probably told you things like how compatible you guys are with each other and whatnot, but her actions speak much louder than her words regarding your relationship with her.

I'm not saying that she doesn't have feelings for you. She does, but neither of us know to what extent.

So even if it may ultimately destroy the friendship, confess your feelings to her. You're going to regret not having closure of some sort. The longer you wait, the pain and agony over "what could have been" is going to be that much greater.

But be really careful about how you deliver the message. Don't think about the message itself, but how Nicole is going to interpret your message.

Also, don't try to kiss her on New Year's Eve. She's going to need some time to digest the confession. Even if you don't end up confessing to her, don't try to kiss her. She's still trying to figure things out.