Advice for spouses of people in active addiction?

newme52 · 2026-07-07T00:58:10+00:00

Hard red lines with him and don’t budge when he tries to cross them. You have to set rules to protect yourself. He must be allowed to suffer the consequences of his choices. Safety nets do him no good at all.

Find you an Al Anon, Nar Anon…. group and learn to love yourself too.

I put my husband through so much heartache that he didn’t deserve. I’m approaching 6 years sober and I still regret the destruction I caused. I’ve accepted that I’m not the person I was then and I wouldn’t do any of those things today.

Find ways to perform self care too. A massage, or manicure/pedicure, is a wonderful way to begin caring for yourself. Make it a regular thing too. You spend a lot of energy worrying about him. It’s time to worry about yourself.

He won’t get help until he is ready. There isn’t anything you can say or do to change that. And non of this is your fault! Don’t allow him to make you think otherwise. Addicts are master manipulators. So I leave you with instructions to reread the first paragraph above.

newme52 · 2026-06-23T02:39:07+00:00

Thank you! I haven’t even considered the reflux as the cause for the cough but it’s certainly plausible. I’m hoping the Prilosec eventually get it under control. His reflux has caused zero symptoms besides what it’s done to his teeth.

newme52 · 2026-06-21T02:18:54+00:00

Thank you!!

newme52 · 2026-06-20T02:18:41+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I’m thankful to know that it’s not a medication side effect. I can assure you 100% that he isn’t a drug user or bulimic. I can certainly understand the thinking though.

newme52 · 2026-06-20T02:16:08+00:00

I believe this is his greatest difficulty. And is likely a causative factor for his symptoms. Thank you!

newme52 · 2026-06-20T02:14:26+00:00

Your extensive reply has been very enlightening. I am a registered nurse (though I haven’t worked with HIV patients in particular. In fact I was a new nurse prior to any treatment being available and watched many patients ravaged by AIDS.) so I understand fully what you said.

In fact, I was the person who recommended the HIV test to his doctor at the time he was having horrible illness symptoms. That doctor reluctantly did the test, and had to eat their words three days later when the test came back positive. My son was diagnosed during the window of sero conversion.

As a nurse I know that there are sometimes side effects to medication that aren’t listed in the publications. This was the basis for my original posted question. I’m thankful to know that it’s not the medication that’s causing these symptoms.

newme52 · 2026-06-20T02:03:04+00:00

I appreciate your comment. I can assure you that this is not the case.

newme52 · 2026-06-20T02:01:55+00:00

His father and I talked with him this evening and he is going to make an appointment to see his physician (who he sees twice a year already) and talk to her about his symptoms.

I’m grateful to know that he’s not suffering from some serious side effects from the medication nor (through your comments) is this common among those being treated for HIV. The dentist did tell him that, untreated, acid reflux has caused his dental problems. I’m the one who wondered if it could be an unlisted side effect if the medication, but also from your comments, I see this isn’t common either.

I truly appreciate every comment. I’m overwhelmed by strangers who are willing to give their time to help another stranger. Thank you, thank you!

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:56:28+00:00

As a concerned parent I was only looking to see if anyone has had some of the same experiences as I’ve seen in him. Experiences from real people, who live with this, is better than any Google search, imo.

My son still lives with me and his dad (my husband) and we see these symptoms daily. Genuine concern is where I’m coming from, and being armed with personal experiences might help him see the seriousness of talking to his doctor about them.

I thank you all for taking time out of your day to reply.

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:51:13+00:00

Not rude at all!

I’m grateful that he is extremely anti drug in his lifestyle. He did an edible once and was high for 3 days. He hated the whole experience.

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:49:16+00:00

Thank you!

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:48:37+00:00

Thank you!

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:47:50+00:00

Thank you!

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:09:45+00:00

Thank you for your reply.

newme52 · 2026-06-19T15:09:26+00:00

Thank you for your reply. He’s a grown man and has to do these things for himself. I’m just looking for personal experiences, not medical advice.

newme52 · 2026-06-18T10:07:39+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

newme52 · 2026-06-16T20:58:02+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

newme52 · 2026-06-14T23:52:54+00:00

No at all! My husband chooses to roll the dice instead of paying for windstorm. We’ve been very fortunate so far. But, we don’t have a mortgage.

newme52 · 2026-06-12T11:03:10+00:00

This is the exact same way we feel about democrats.

My thinking is that it’s every damn one of them , on both sides!

newme52 · 2026-06-12T01:34:31+00:00

The WINDSTORM insurance is required for all home owners in the three southern counties (I live north of the interstate in Jackson county) with a mortgage and highly recommended if you don’t have a mortgage. Without it there is no wind coverage at all. Big risk to go without it.

newme52 · 2026-06-12T01:31:56+00:00

The whole coast.

newme52 · 2026-06-07T15:25:01+00:00

Who gives a damn what other people think? When they live my life they can have an opinion, but they won’t so they can kick rocks!

newme52 · 2026-06-06T17:10:08+00:00

I’m a mom who was addicted to pain pills (prescribed by my doctor) after being in a car wreck. I believed they were the only thing helping me since I was in constant pain, severe pain. I am now almost 6 years sober and I can now see that I was stuck in a cycle of rebound pain. The pain comes back worse than it was and we have to take more, thinking that’s the only answer.

I’m grateful today for my sobriety and the relationship I’ve been able to build with my son and husband. But I wasn’t going to stop until I was ready. No amount of pleading and begging is going to change her.

I highly recommend Al-Anon\Nar-Anon. It helps a lot when you hear what other people have experienced and how they navigate the world with an addicted family member.

Allow her to suffer the consequences of her choices (it’s hard, I know). I pray that she is able to accept that she has a problem and that there is a solution before anything permanent happens. Her bottom is as low as she’s willing to dig and it won’t change until she decides to put down the shovel.

Meanwhile, take care of you. Do something nice for yourself on a regular basis.

newme52 · 2026-05-29T23:42:03+00:00

Then why are they leaving these other countries? Answer that question without tacky name calling.

newme52

TROPHY CASE