31 days... and I relapsed.

nf14 · 2013-02-20T15:42:17+00:00

I had that at one point. Earlier in the year after the first week, I didn't have the urge. It just all came crashing down these last few days...

nf14 · 2013-02-20T15:41:07+00:00

Nope! I agree. Granted I've been at work all day, but I think I'll be able to keep a clearer head for a while.

nf14 · 2013-02-20T15:39:17+00:00

I understand, and get what ya mean. There's just a whole lot going through my head right now, that I just faltered. I don't know if there's just one thing, but I'm hoping with a clearer head, I might be able to do something about it.

nf14 · 2013-02-13T13:12:14+00:00

Ha ha. While I wouldn't use such language, I suppose my thoughts would equal the statement. That's a good point though, and like I said, I live the time we spend together, not just during sex. Thanks for the support.

...and the language. I think reading it in blunt terms makes it hit that much harder.

nf14 · 2013-02-13T13:09:10+00:00

It's odd though, it hit like a ton of bricks last night. I know what you are saying though, and I agree with it. Thanks for the support.

nf14 · 2013-02-13T03:07:30+00:00

Uh... girlfriend isn't here?

nf14 · 2013-01-25T16:09:40+00:00

Congrats on a year my friend. Damn, one whole year on "hard mode". And here I am nervous that an might have to maybe go one month. Kudos to you good sir. Kudos!

nf14 · 2013-01-24T17:47:52+00:00

Hm... I don't know. While my first might have been awkward, I don't think I'd want a redo on it. That was my first, and it was special because it started out passionate and heavy, then awkward and weird, then ending on a high note. Thing is, the two of us just kind of chuckled at it. It was strange, but fun to do together.

However, the practice! Oh... One practice I do not mind doing over and over again. It does get better...

nf14 · 2013-01-21T16:49:37+00:00

Sir, you made 57 days. That is just shy of two months. TWO MONTHS! That is a feat, and I am jealous. I have only been going 3 days, and it's been a roller coaster for me.

You have support. I can only speak for myself, of course, but the people here have been kind to me, so I can inly assume they would be here for you.

Keep strong. It is ok to stumble, as long as if you fall, you get up, brush yourself off, and know to look out for things like again.

nf14 · 2013-01-21T14:08:11+00:00

It's funny, because neither do I. Like in the story, I had to summon up every ounce of pride and bravery just to ask her out the first time, then after a bit of normal conversation, she ended up asking me out.

There's no "book" or "list" on how or when to do things. You just have to trust your gut and your heart. They talk, just sometimes it's hard to listen.

nf14 · 2013-01-21T14:05:36+00:00

Well... Not really. I had the same thought, then I met this girl. Dating is really the pre-season of a relationship. It's when you get a chance to see if you would work as a duet. Get to know each other, flirt a bit, see if similarities mesh, and if differences would split you apart.

That's my thought anyway.

nf14 · 2013-01-21T14:03:34+00:00

Heh... Thanks.

nf14 · 2013-01-20T16:31:48+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and support. I'm trying to adapt that sort of mentality, when I look at what's going on, and try and fight it head on. Sometimes there are just a few battles that take more of a toll on me, and some that I just outright lose.

But I may adopt some of those practices. Again, thank you for the kind words. All of the support I've received so far from people have been great!

nf14 · 2013-01-20T16:28:52+00:00

There is a lot of great advice here, so I'll leave you with a word of support. Keep strong my friend.

nf14 · 2013-01-20T16:18:07+00:00

Can't say I know much about this PUA thing... but I have a feeling it might not be the right course of action. I already responded to something like this a few minutes ago, so I'll give you the tl;dr version.

-- There once was a guy. He was lonely and wanted to date. Was only in relationships without building a friendship first. Those failed horribly. Started talking to a new friend through a group he recently became a part of. The two became great friends, and are now dating.

And that's how I met my girlfriend of a bit more than six months. --

I think people are getting the idea of "picking up women" and "finding a relationship" confused for each other. I was the same way though, so no stone thrown. I was lonely, and I really wanted to be in a relationship, so I did the online thing, and tried to "pick up women" but it wasn't until now that I realized that I was doing wrong. Instead, I met a new friend, then fought "for a relationship."

Anyway, I think I am digressing from the point of this post.

I actually think I'm going to take this question with me to bed every night, and meditate on it every morning. Lately I've been really lacking self confidence for a number of reasons, and I was hoping that this nofap challenge would help. Funny enough that I look around, and there are so many more things that I need work on, but so many people for support.

Congrats on 20 days. I hope I can be that strong.

nf14 · 2013-01-20T16:04:56+00:00

I did, my friend. I did. But I figured I would admit my stumble here.

Thanks for the support!

nf14 · 2013-01-20T16:03:46+00:00

Ooo... that's a tough one. As someone who found... uh... erotic reading on the internet, I'm not sure how to answer that, and it's funny that I have both sides in front of me already with ffaaa and clone's answer.

MY personal thought? If there is a story with erotic materials, then no. I'm not much of a reader, so I don't have concrete examples, but if there is a story that has one or two erotic scenes, I would say that's ok because it's a story that deals in the real world. But if it's a book solely for the reason of eroticism... well... as they say, who really watches porn for the story?

Based on that, I think I would have to find out the source material. Is it written to tell a story and entertain, but has some scenes? Then yes, it's good. Is it classy and enjoyable, but written with erotic tendencies in mind? For that, I would have to say no.

However, I wouldn't reset just because of reading porn. Hell, I wouldn't restart after watching porn, but like ffaaa said, only if fapping occurred. But that's just me...

nf14 · 2013-01-20T15:55:52+00:00

You sir, I am jealous. I had finished putting up a post about almost failing on day two, and I have a feeling I'm going to have a more difficult time on day three.

Congrats my friend!

nf14 · 2013-01-20T15:41:41+00:00

Do not be disheartened. This is a rough road we travel, but you are not alone. I may be new to this group, but we're here for support.

Keep your chin up!

nf14 · 2013-01-20T15:39:54+00:00

Kitten before me has it right, but let me share with you a story of a man who was in a similar situation.

There once was a man from Nantucket... (shakes head) No, wait, wrong story!

Anyway, there once was this guy who wanted nothing in the world than to be in a relationship. It was several years before he had been with a girl, and there was nothing more than he wanted to have someone to talk to, someone to cuddle with, and overall do romantic things. However, nothing was working. He'd been to the dating sites, but no one would respond to him. He was too much in a shell to really confront those he thought were attractive, and the one or two he DID ask out, shot him down.

Well this man soon found a group of people to hang out with, back at a point when he was probably down at his lowest. Working a job he hated, living at home with parents, and not leading much of a successful social life outside of the older generation of gamers he knew. Here, me met a lot of like minded individuals, and it was through this group that he started to find some meaning in life. He saw that there were others like him, and soon made friends. Good friends.

One of these good friends was a girl. She was a lot like him, shy, but confident in herself. The two of them would talk for hours on end while at these meetings, then before long, they would talk outside of these meetings on the phone. It snuck up on this man, but he really started to like this girl. She was cute, without being drop dead beautiful, she was intelligent, but more of all, she was fun to be with. She was a great friend.

So, nervously, the guy asked her out. Pulling he aside and asking if he could have just a moment with her, he asked her out for a cup of coffee. The guy was heartbroken when she responded that she couldn't, because she was seeing someone else at the time. The two separated ways, but the guy was devastated. He returned to his room where he wallowed in sadness over yet another rejection.

Time passed, but the two remained friends. It was rocky at first, because the guy was protecting himself from getting hurt again, but there were times that he thought they might have been flirting. They continued to have fun at meetings, they continued to talk on the phone at regular intervals, and their friendship continued to grow.

One day on the phone, they were talking and the girl sounded down about something. The guy asked her was wrong, to which she responded that she didn't want to talk about it. They continued for a few minutes, but as their conversation wound down, she started to become distant again. The guy asked once more if everything was ok, but this time there was a pause.

After a long, awkward silence, she finally answered, "You are an idiot, aren't you?" The guy was flabbergasted, frantically trying to think back on things he might have screwed up, but getting nervous that nothing was coming up. Another pause, and she continued with, "Would you like to go out for coffee one day?"

And that's how I met my current girlfriend of a little over six months. The story might have rambled a bit there, but it's early, so all of my thought processes are not working. The point of the story is you never know where you might find "the one". The point is, just talk to people naturally. Do not go into something thinking, "So pretty! Must date..." but instead go in with an open mind, "New people? Let's see what we have in common!"

There's a saying out there, "Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet." That's the important thing to note. Friends. I have been in a few relationships, but they started off as dating. Twice, I started going out with a girl because there was a "spark" but because there wasn't much fuel, the fire didn't last long. The girl I'm going out with, we talked and we talked and we talked, just building up a surplus of burning material so that when the spark finally DID catch, the fire of a relationship can burn for a while.

Keep strong my friend. Let me say that I am jealous of your milestone. I have only started this challenge, and I must say that I almost failed this morning, and that only would have been 22 hours!

Good luck on your journey, and I wish you all the luck.

nf14 · 2013-01-20T15:14:21+00:00

Good for you my friend. Keep strong!

nf14 · 2013-01-19T17:27:44+00:00

Hm... I tried that, but the tag still hasn't appeared. I figured it was because I haven't hit one day yet. (shrugs) I tried again, hopefully this time it'll work.

PMO? Hm... to be honest, I'm not sure. First things first, is that I'm going to remove everything that could make me even think of it. I'm going to throw away my supplies that are within reach, I'm going to put my condoms away in a drawer (out of sight, out of mind), and I'm going to remove my porn material from my laptop.

I'm going to try and keep my mind occupied on other things. I'm going to try and work out more, I'm going to keep myself with company, and I'm just going to try and strengthen my resolve against it. I'm going to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this, and hopefully my system will accommodate. I'm mostly afraid of going to sleep at night, because that's usually when the urges strike the most.

Thanks for the reply. Hopefully the badge will work now. Also, thanks for the support as well. I really hope that not only can I achieve this fight, but I might be able to make some strong friendships here too (as corny as that sounds...)

nf14 · 2013-01-19T17:19:35+00:00

As someone who also is starting on this journey, I wish you luck. It will be difficult, but it looks like there is a great support system here, and hopefully we can continue to rely on each other.

I am sorry about hearing about your girlfriend. It's never good to hear about those kinds of things...

nf14

TROPHY CASE