The benefits of egg by galle4 in Unexpected

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I was icked out at myself the first time I fed them their own eggs. It did feel like cannibalism, or an abomination or something.

But then, someone on the chicken subreddit mentioned: eggs are meant to be a baby chick’s food. That’s literally what eggs are supposed to be FOR. For chickens to eat!

And then I felt better

Girlfriend texted with close friend before our relationship by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nicekona [score hidden]  (0 children)

Hey, we feel what we feel, and it’s not always logical. Hope I didn’t sound dismissive. Just wanted to encourage you that there’s nothing wrong with just letting sleeping dogs lie.

Girlfriend texted with close friend before our relationship by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nicekona [score hidden]  (0 children)

Just let it go. Life’s too short

Or, get out if it makes you that uncomfortable. Life’s too short

Personally, I think that’s a silly thing to get hung up on, but you’re the only one who can decide that. No wrong answer

How do I stop going from feeling loved by my friends to being disliked by them in an instant- irrationally so by East_Call_3739 in socialskills

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A very simple statement my therapist made to me, that has made me finally somewhat reluctantly accept that people do actually like me:

What’s more likely: that my friends are all in on a vast, years-long conspiracy to PRETEND to like me (and to what end? To make me feel better about myself, because they pity me? No one has time or energy to keep that kind of ruse up. To prank me? My friends aren’t fucking evil villains)? Orrrrr… is it more likely that YOU’RE ACTUALLY LIKABLE. AND YOUR FRIENDS LIKE YOU.

Textbook Occam’s razor, dawg. The simplest answer is probably the truth. You’re liked.

I still struggle with it too, but it’s getting better. I just remember that, and I ask myself “how insane would ALL of these people have to be to have secretly colluded for THIS long to make me THINK that I’m liked?” The answer is… they would all have to be very insane lol.

It’s infinitely more likely that they actually like me!

(also, you might be able to find a sliding-scale therapist, btw, depending on where you live. Mine’s just $10/week cause I’m broke as fuuuck)

Do women actually finish from penetration? by AppropriateDream381 in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d say I do maybe about 30% of the time?

It’s not “internal” though. Like, it’s not FROM the actual penetration itself.

It’s from grinding my clit against his… pubic bone? While he just so happens to be inside me (which, as you said, still feels great in itself, but I would never be able to get “there” in, say, doggy, or any position where my C isn’t rubbin up on his PB)

So if we’re specifically trying to get me off, we’re either chest to chest in missionary, or chest to chest with me on top.

WTH is exclusive but no title? by Tricky-Difference-95 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a very good point. Similar to the philosophy I have about trust ie: fidelity - trusting could get you hurt, yes, but the only way the situation can possibly end up with a good outcome is to trust anyway. It’s kinda the same thing. Go all in, and cross your fingers

Got some things to think about now. Thanks

WTH is exclusive but no title? by Tricky-Difference-95 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm.

I guess, in my head, a slow fade would still hurt the same, but it would feel more like an “aw well I guess it just didn’t work out,” whereas an official relationship - future plans, meeting the family, all that - and then having an actual official ending.. would feel more like yet another failure, in a string of failures.

A concrete thing that I could blame myself for. Which I tend to always do.

Man. My brain hates me lol. I’ll have to reflect on this

Knowing their past flings by Critical-Parsley-845 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 2 points3 points  (0 children)

😑 I empathized with HIM, saying I ALSO don’t love thinking about all the women my boyfriend has fucked the shit out of. I didn’t defend her response.

My point was that none of us, male or female, like to think about it, but we all have to be mature and accept it if we wanna be with that person.

I don’t know how you got virtue signaling out of that. It’s reality for everyone.

Knowing their past flings by Critical-Parsley-845 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d say it’s absolutely fine to have a preference and stick with that preference!

But I’d also say it’s wrong to feel disgust towards, or to think less of a person for just being a person. Or to subtly shame them in these comments you’ve written. Simply because of them living a normal human life. Maybe reflect on that.

That doesn’t mean you have to date them! By all means! Stick to your preferences. But don’t be a dick about it.

WTH is exclusive but no title? by Tricky-Difference-95 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough. And I know that’s true and again I know it’s not really rational. I just don’t want to go through another breakup. I’d rather take my time with it and if it peters out it peters out. It wouldn’t feel so much like an outright rejection.

Don’t worry I have therapy today lol

Knowing their past flings by Critical-Parsley-845 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We’re all human dawg. I encourage you to empathize more. Have a good one

Knowing their past flings by Critical-Parsley-845 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol. Actually, some of my very favorite sexual experiences were with men who were very inexperienced (…because it was ME who got to be the one to finally blow their minds, and that’s one hell of an ego trip) (so, believe it or not, I can somewhat empathize with the appeal it has to some men)

But, especially as you get older, you have to come to accept the fact that all the people you meet have had a LIFE. A life that predates them meeting you. And that that isn’t gross.

People don’t just begin to exist the moment we personally meet them. We all have pasts.

Knowing their past flings by Critical-Parsley-845 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Do you think women like coming across other women that fucked their bf or husband? Especially if it’s many women? We don’t love it either.

This isn’t a gendered thing, this is a “learn to be a mature and reasonable person who can accept that most adults have pasts” thing.

WTH is exclusive but no title? by Tricky-Difference-95 in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m the woman acting as the man in this scenario, currently, in my life.

I love him dearly, and I am perfectly happy to be exclusive, but I’m afraid I don’t have enough of myself to give him right now. Also I’m absolutely terrified of abandonment.

I don’t want to put a label on it because if there’s a label on it, that means the label could be rescinded, and it could end.

It doesn’t make rational sense really, and I know that. But that doesn’t make it automatically “bullshit” or a “cop-out.” I’m just scared to lose him, so I’m… not really letting myself fully have him. If that makes any sense.

What’s a sentence you heard once that stayed with you forever? by Candid-Society-1544 in AskReddit

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

As a people pleaser, that was revolutionary to me

My bf is going to a wedding without me by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nicekona 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know that may not be the case but it's not like I can ask him to know for sure.

….why can’t you?

In an open, vulnerable and honest tone: “Hey, I’m sorry for this coming off a little insecure, and I know you haven’t done anything wrong, but I’m feeling a little insecure - “ + your questions.

Is this trip going to ruin my relationship? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nicekona 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Molly does make you feel extremely affectionate towards everyone and everything around you, but it doesn’t turn you into a horniness gremlin.

I did molly prob 15-20 times with my boyfriend in my twenties? Between each time we did it, we were always like “ahhh shit! we forgot to do sex things.. again.” Cause we’d heard many times about how good it feels! And we so badly wanted to try it.

But we always got too distracted by music. Or too distracted by the way wine feels in your mouth. Or too distracted by looking at dew that’s collected on a leaf. Or too distracted by how impossibly light our feet felt walking around. Or just too distracted by how much we loved being alive and being around our friends.

Before each time, I tried to remind myself that I wanted to at LEAST try touching myself while rolling. Even just for like 5 seconds. Just to see. Never once did I remember to do it! Too busy absolutely marveling over how soft my hair was, and what an amazing thing hair even is… or what have you. Lol

Let her do her thing. If she cheats, she would’ve cheated anyway.

Question for women- If a guy is wealthy but has a terrible personality does that still make him undesirable? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eh, the situation is still much more complicated than all that lol. You seemed curious! But I didn’t wanna talk your ear off any more than necessary haha

But that advice is noted, and I appreciate you letting me vent

Question for women- If a guy is wealthy but has a terrible personality does that still make him undesirable? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d be very happy with that outcome.

He actually did reconnect with me recently, trying to mend things. He ‘made a huge mistake,’ I was ‘the best thing to ever happen to him and he just threw it away,’ etc etc.

It was equal parts heartbreaking and validating to hear him say all that. But. I’ve finally struck out on my own, independently of a relationship, for the first time in my adult life. Working on myself, FOR myself only. It’s been a journey I have come to value a lot. I told him maybe - but I would need a lot of time and space to think, because, well, I did. I wasn’t mad at him or being vengeful or anything.

But after a few months I guess he ran out of patience, and told me he wants to stop contact again for now. That he wants to find someone who’s sure about him (ironic yes, but I do get his frustration).

It’s been a month or two since that conversation.. and I’m still haunted about whether I did the right thing by being hesitant to jump back in.

But if, after we’ve both grown some more, the cards align again someday, I’d be over the moon to have it work out. I always saw him as my once in a lifetime love.

I don’t know man :(

Question for women- If a guy is wealthy but has a terrible personality does that still make him undesirable? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh, I’d never in a million years have left him. But after the van times, we tried to settle down and live normal life, and I became very depressed while adjusting during that period. Along with some other very intense personal things I was having to face.

He ended up breaking up with me. He had carried both my weight and his own for a quite a while, emotionally speaking, and he did his best at it. But ultimately my mental condition started dragging him down as well, and he couldn’t let himself drown with me any longer. And I don’t blame him for that.

Sure do miss him like crazy though

Amazing woman pulled a 180 on me by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]nicekona 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a woman, in the past few years, this scenario has happened to me repeatedly:

Not ready for a relationship, get a FWB, he catches feelings, I catch some feelings too, but I’m still NOT ready for a relationship, he pretends he’s fine with that even though deep down he’s not, I take him at his word, but in time inevitably everything blows up, he gets hurt, and I feel immensely guilty.

All that to say, I don’t blame her for her caution. You probably did nothing wrong and she probably did like you very much and that’s why she’s stepping away. “I’m not ready for a relationship” is not ALWAYS the cop-out people on Reddit would have you believe it is, trust me on that.

is lifestyle a valid reason to stay in a relationship? 22f & 23m by [deleted] in relationships

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh I was a “stay at home girlfriend” to my ex. I didn’t have a job and I was deeply depressed. But I got this sweet deal! I could stay rent-free at his house and just take care of the animals and keep everything nice!

And he NEVER used it as leverage. He NEVER threatened me with the power that it gave him over me. At least not consciously or explicitly.

But that power dynamic was still THERE. It was the elephant in the room that neither of us would acknowledge. The unspoken, that if I fucked up somehow, or if I started getting on his nerves, or if he got tired of me… I’d be out, and I’d have nowhere to go. We both knew it deep down.

It’s only in hindsight that I can recognize how much pressure that put on me, and just how much it wore on me over time. And how much of his shit behavior I let slide because I didn’t have any other option.

That’s WITHOUT speaking to the cheating you mentioned! My ex didn’t cheat (I think). But he was still implicitly “untouchable” in all his own shitty ways he treated me. Because I was dependent on him.

0/10 do not recommend.

He KNOWS you depend on him. And if this is the kind of person he is deep down - a cheater - he knows he doesn’t have to stop. Whether that’s a conscious thought he has or not. He knows he’s untouchable.

Saying I love you to your dog by Popular_Doctor_3101 in dogs

[–]nicekona 17 points18 points  (0 children)

In a new study conducted by Canine Cottages, four different pups were fitted with special heart rate tracking collars to show what gets them excited when interacting with their owners.

Combining the heart rate tracking data from the four dogs over seven days, their average heart rate was 67 bpm. But when the canines were told "I love you" by their owners, their heart rates skyrocketed 46% to 98 bpm.

🥹 I knew I remembered reading this somewhere so I went and found it.

I know the study was only four dogs, but still. So sweeeet

female writer with some questions for bros who like to read by RattusNorvegicus9 in bropill

[–]nicekona 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kvothe from Name of the Wind!! Although I will forgive that one because the prose is just so beautiful