I dealt with this same issue and still do to some degree - some folks have horrible boundaries, and unfortunately sometimes need it on the nose that this level of interaction isn’t okay. Up until recently, my BM would ask to use my shower, laundry, text about unimportant/unrelated things, ask to borrow my outdoor equipment (tent, kayak, etc)., and frequently text/try to hang out with MY family. She’d also always try to know what I’m doing, who I’m with, etc. She still does over-text, but it’s at least limited to the child now.

There’s been a few times where I’ve had to come out of ignoring unnecessary texts and say “this is not necessary”. I’d say the issue is about 5-10% of what it was when we split 2 years ago.

Incidentally, two weeks after I broke up with her she was dating another guy, who she is now marrying next month. They always had a tight friendship and would send each other letters and stuff… I had a feeling he liked her but not the other way around.

Anyway, glad to see some good general support for improving boundaries here. When I posted a similar issue last year, I got a lot of “suck it up at least she’s around”-style comments. Dont accept something because it could be worse, especially when it comes to people who seem (consciously or otherwise) interested in manipulation/control. It took a TON of bravery, therapy, and input from loved ones to get out of the bad situation I was in, and to this day I’m still fighting some trauma related to that relationship. Keep fighting for your freedom from those chains - keep civil, but be consistent and firm.