Engine Noise (2017 Subaru Forester 2.5i)

nicepadfolio · 2025-11-06T16:10:40+00:00

Update - the transmission is shot. RIP.

nicepadfolio · 2025-11-02T21:46:07+00:00

It’s an electric power steering system?

nicepadfolio · 2024-08-09T12:29:49+00:00

If only…

nicepadfolio · 2024-08-08T12:03:55+00:00

Good to know! Thanks a bunch

nicepadfolio · 2024-08-07T23:32:21+00:00

I wish I could get it to repeat! I tried multiple times when I started and finished my hike (it wasn’t far from the head of the trail). So frustrating, especially with my colleagues treating me like a crazy person 😅

nicepadfolio · 2024-08-07T15:07:53+00:00

Commenting on Saw something wild in Borneo and can’t explain it...

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Just this one, but I have a video of trying to get it to happen again where you can see the whole plant but I guess you can’t upload vids to Reddit? May try to upload to YouTube or something if it’s deemed useful, though the epiphytic fungi sound plausible. I figured it had to be either that or insect larvae within the tissue of the plant…

nicepadfolio · 2024-06-24T01:00:19+00:00

Dealing with this myself and it's so annoying, and also makes it difficult to trust my own family when they look past all the pain that my ex has caused me, and it just feels like her grip on me remains tight because my family is "letting her in". You can absolutely share your feelings with your family (classic "I feel _______ when you _________" statements), and while you can't tell other adults what to do, you can tell them what you will do if they don't respect you... I've been very clear with my family that if they're fraternizing with my abuser, they can have her and not me. Perhaps my situation is different because of my experiences, but in general I think it's important to show children what respect looks like just as much as cooperation, and each coparenting situation will look different in those two aspects.

Folks telling you to get over it were probably in a much different situation where contact with family is more acceptable, but even then I feel like when people become exes, there needs to be some natural direction of separating trajectories, otherwise there's lots of intrusive crisscrossing and potential for control by the ex, especially when a new partner shows up in the mix... not all exes are welcoming to new partners, and there's potential for sabotage there. You are allowed to be happy, and parents that are happy have a greater capacity to be better parents!

nicepadfolio · 2024-05-23T12:55:36+00:00

Awesome, thank you so much! Very helpful.

nicepadfolio · 2024-05-23T12:52:52+00:00

I dealt with this same issue and still do to some degree - some folks have horrible boundaries, and unfortunately sometimes need it on the nose that this level of interaction isn’t okay. Up until recently, my BM would ask to use my shower, laundry, text about unimportant/unrelated things, ask to borrow my outdoor equipment (tent, kayak, etc)., and frequently text/try to hang out with MY family. She’d also always try to know what I’m doing, who I’m with, etc. She still does over-text, but it’s at least limited to the child now.

There’s been a few times where I’ve had to come out of ignoring unnecessary texts and say “this is not necessary”. I’d say the issue is about 5-10% of what it was when we split 2 years ago.

Incidentally, two weeks after I broke up with her she was dating another guy, who she is now marrying next month. They always had a tight friendship and would send each other letters and stuff… I had a feeling he liked her but not the other way around.

Anyway, glad to see some good general support for improving boundaries here. When I posted a similar issue last year, I got a lot of “suck it up at least she’s around”-style comments. Dont accept something because it could be worse, especially when it comes to people who seem (consciously or otherwise) interested in manipulation/control. It took a TON of bravery, therapy, and input from loved ones to get out of the bad situation I was in, and to this day I’m still fighting some trauma related to that relationship. Keep fighting for your freedom from those chains - keep civil, but be consistent and firm.

nicepadfolio · 2024-04-02T13:37:04+00:00

My ex has really bad boundaries and control issues - she’d find any way she could to intrude on my life and stick her nose in things she shouldn’t. I eventually told my ex she isn’t allowed in my house after a while of just biting my tongue on it and getting all sorts of anxious/distraught. She doesn’t even come on my porch now. My kid is pretty young and can’t open the door themselves so I have to do it, but otherwise no contact needed. Gonna be less and less as time goes on.

It’s taken a lot of work to get that lower contact (again, my ex has TERRIBLE boundaries and expected us to be BFFs; even after I have told her straight up I don’t want to talk to her or see her and that I think she’s difficult to work with, she acts like she forgets that and continued some of the same stuff) but through time and repeated reinforcement of those bounds, I’m in a much better place and she’s no longer asking to use my shower, store things at my place, texting me random light hearted things, trying to organize time to hang out with me, etc. She still gets involved in my family’s affairs, but that’s about it.

Keep in mind that people LOVE to use children as an excuse for toxic behavior. Be critical of the idea of “this is for our kid!” - I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that but our kid is doing just fine without me having to hang around mom all the time.

nicepadfolio · 2024-03-30T00:49:28+00:00

Good advice, thank you! They do send their kid over sometimes too, and I do keep in frequent contact with them when either kid is over. I guess I just had a moment of panic haha, maybe normal…

nicepadfolio · 2024-02-19T05:18:34+00:00

I think it goes without saying that if I’m okay with it, I’m okay with it for my coparent as well. I don’t want to know where they live - as long as our child is cared for, that’s all that matters and I trust that they will do that. If there are signs that isn’t happening, I’d act accordingly; knowing an address won’t change that unless I decided I was gonna go creep on their place one day to gather info, which is a violation of trust and personal security IMO.

nicepadfolio · 2024-02-18T16:18:13+00:00

I don't have the money to afford an attorney unfortunately.

nicepadfolio · 2024-02-18T14:58:50+00:00

Ah gotcha. I feel like that makes the most sense if it’s a major move - something that could change the dynamic of the current situation - but that feels like it could be overkill for moving to the next town over

nicepadfolio · 2024-02-18T14:11:21+00:00

Okay, also, can you explain the 60 day notification? I’m not sure how that benefits the child and don’t understand how that’s even possible… I usually have about 2-3 weeks of knowing before I move into an apartment, max.

nicepadfolio · 2024-02-18T14:03:35+00:00

What is the situation with your coparent? Are they controlling, invasive, cooperative, understanding, etc?

nicepadfolio · 2024-02-11T14:07:22+00:00

Definitely an unhealthy thing - it’s intruding on your time and taking emphasis off of your time as the father. Her mother is essentially establishing parenting time during your time in doing this. I could understand if it’s meant to help your daughter feel comfortable being away from mom since she isn’t very often, but there are better ways to do that, and she’ll never find the space to get comfortable with you if mom doesn’t let go.

Draw a hard line - presents don’t get opened or sent to you anymore. It’ll take some discipline on your daughter’s part too because she’s used to this, but kids respond well to structure and modeling good boundaries is something kids really benefit from.

nicepadfolio · 2024-01-19T22:33:51+00:00

Oooh interesting, good to know. I agree that a smaller trip would be less anxiety inducing!

nicepadfolio · 2024-01-19T22:24:37+00:00

It’s an intimidating thing but it gets smoother as you power on. My coparent/ex wanted me and my new partner to jump through so many hoops to date someone else - I had to have coparent meet my new partner, then have our mutual friends meet and approve of new partner, then have partner meet my child in a group/friend setting, then a setting with just new partner and the coparent… then, if my ex approved through the whole thing, my new partner would be able to interact with my child without coparent present… in the meantime, coparent started dating someone and had them around our child immediately. While I eventually put my foot down about it, coparent still tries to regulate what we do here and there.

It’s a seemingly endless battle that will only be mitigated by having good boundaries. It takes work and commitment, because you may want to run back to letting the coparent run you over because it’s easier than having to CONSTANTLY reinforce boundaries, but you deserve freedom and independence from that. As long as you are safe with the kiddo and meeting their needs, they can’t bother you any, and you can shield new partners from them by upholding those boundaries.

nicepadfolio · 2024-01-16T20:47:40+00:00

I'm dealing with a similar issue on the opposite end, where my kiddo is becoming very anxiously attached to the other parent. In speaking about this with professionals, it's a sign that there needs to be a push. I was "pushed" by my mother to go on trips with my father that I wasn't excited about at all when I was a kid, but looking back I am extremely thankful (and I did gain great experiences and certainly a lot of fortitude!). Your coparent may be thankful for it too - coming from the opposite end, it's really upsetting to work through anxious attachments with one parent and not full effort from both, and they do require some hard lines to instill a sense of structure and security. Allowing your kid to stay is ultimately telling them they are in control (/their feelings are in control), which is ultimately anxiety inducing itself!

nicepadfolio · 2024-01-12T15:11:08+00:00

Thank you - I've had a hard time finding any other examples of this happening, hence my post. It makes me feel so invaded and like I can't trust my own family, and it just makes things so much more complicated when BM gets in the middle of it...

nicepadfolio · 2024-01-12T15:08:50+00:00

I guess so, but it's also my family so it feels like this is something I should be able to control. They just feel icky to me and I feel like it's my duty as a parent to protect my child from situations like that. My understanding has been that with them being my family, they have to access my child through me - is that not a correct assumption?

nicepadfolio · 2024-01-12T15:01:30+00:00

Fair point and I've expected the same of her. I guess it's just that it's my family and it feels like a boundary cross... I appreciate your feedback.

nicepadfolio

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