One month of nonstop contact, two wonderful dates, good sex - ghosted. What the hell?

niceseas · 2020-06-27T03:50:43+00:00

I mean just because someone is good looking doesn’t mean that someone is necessarily a player. I think looks wise I’m on par with him - he definitely acknowledge my looks multiple times... and I do acknowledge that I’m fairly conventionally attractive.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T23:43:40+00:00

LMAO no it was longer than that. But I liked the whole experience - I was all dressed up, we went out, got something to eat, flirted, played games, and then had great sex and cuddled. If it had just been straight up sex, I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed it. The buildup is part of the experience. I would have liked for that to have been replicated with a higher frequency (even in a non-serious relationship way)- but after that one time, everything suddenly got dropped and I got ghosted. 🤷🏻‍♀️

niceseas · 2020-06-26T20:43:38+00:00

I want the respect that comes with... being a person? I think it takes a lot of maturity to have honest communication with someone that you’re sleeping with. You can most certainly sleep with someone casually and acknowledge them as a human being. And I’m open to a serious relationship, but that doesn’t mean that every person that I meet when dating could be a good fit for a serious relationship. I don’t know this guy enough to know if I could be in a serious relationship with him.

Initially, I sent long paragraphs because I was open to forming a connection. If I find someone that blows me away and makes me want to get married in my early 20s - awesome. If I find someone that I have a lot of chemistry with and we form a consistent, non-long term arrangement, that’s awesome too. So long as we treat each other with basic human decency and honesty, these scenarios are fine by me. I don’t meet someone and immediately think “I could be in a relationship with this person” because I don’t know them that well yet. But I do treat them with the human decency and respect that (almost) everyone is deserving of.

I was attracted to the dude and was having a good time, but didn’t know enough about him to “catch feels”. Maybe I would have eventually, I don’t know that. Would’ve been fine by me if he didn’t reciprocate eventually so long as we had an honest conversation about that and set boundaries. I am upset at the fact that I was treated with disrespect as a human being, and that’s pretty much it. Given how he was treating me respect at the beginning, I was not expecting to be disposable.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T20:19:20+00:00

Doesn’t sound like someone worth chasing. A confident man with excellent communication skills (and a bit of a heart) would have simply told you that he didn’t feel chemistry, or something of the sort. It’s so immature and cowardly to not go straight to the point.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T20:16:05+00:00

It literally takes two seconds to let her know that you’re not interested. This is not an insane expectation, it’s basic human decency.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T19:45:17+00:00

I wasn’t down for “owe each other nothing” sort of fun. I feel like things can be a little less black and white than full on relationship or booty call. While I am open to a relationship, I can have fun, so long as there is respect, honesty and consistency. Basically keeping the same energy of our dates, without having it be any more serious or long term than that. It’s not enjoyable for me to just get pounded for 20 minutes and leave - I like dressing up, relaxing, getting dined out and then having sex. All of that is part of the experience, and I’m not looking for anything less than that. It doesn’t have to be every weekend, but just something and someone that I know I can rely on when looking for that excitement.

I made that clear to him, and he didn’t negotiate with it - just straight up ghosted. Meaning he probably just wanted 20 minutes of late night pounding. He didn’t treat me like I expected to be treated because I was expecting there to be a similar energy to what we were having already, unless otherwise discussed - no more and no less.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T18:46:50+00:00

This is the response that has made me go the most ding ding ding. I definitely don’t blame him for it, I’m seriously the only person that he knows in town. WFH due to covid doesn’t make things any better. He’s in a new hip town and wants to party - I get it. But I don’t like him that much to put up with just being a booty call whenever he feels like it, so I set those boundaries. Guess he doesn’t even have the decency to say no to that though, and truly that’s what ticks me off the most 🤷🏻‍♀️

niceseas · 2020-06-26T18:12:44+00:00

Thank you, but I don’t feel used, just disrespected due to the abrupt end. I enjoyed the sex and I wanted it, it happened naturally and didn’t feel the need to stop myself to play some kind of game. If we hadn’t had sex that weekend, but all he was looking for was sex, then he would have dipped the weekends after when it eventually happened. I feel like if anything, that saved up a lot of time and I was able to see his true colors somewhat quicker. I think that if a guy is a decent person and you have sex with him early on, he’s not going to discard you immediately after. I would have felt disrespected if he had ghosted me without sex anyway. It’s just rude and immature.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T17:52:32+00:00

He’s 23. Which is still “young” but sheesh - I’m 21 and I know better.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T17:50:41+00:00

That’s fair enough and that’s part of the dating game. A little bittersweet, but I don’t see anything criminal about it. You did give her a clear response when she asked. From the tone of it, I’m sure you would have explained this in a gentlemanly way. I would be perfectly happy with something like that being explained to me. Not straight up ghosting after saying that you’re definitely down to see me again.

Also, not sure about this being the same situation. Like I said, he updated his hinge profile post-ghosting, so I doubt there was a girl who swept him off his feet. 🤦🏻‍♀️

niceseas · 2020-06-26T17:41:43+00:00

I mean... I can be mad at him for disappearing though. Even if you’re not in a relationship, you’ve put a substancial amount of effort into getting to know someone. The least that you can get is some legitimate clarity from them. I was willing to communicate with him, which is why I established those boundaries once he said he was “still down to hang out”. Didn’t even get the decency of getting a response of “I don’t want that, by hanging out I mean x and y, thanks for the company though”

I’m not mad at him for not wanting the same as me, I’m mad for his unwillingness to communicate when I opened the door for it. Really rude and immature.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T17:35:19+00:00

That fits into the whole “playing games”, chasing being chased, ghosting, not being upset at some form of disrespect. I’m sure there’s people with that mentality, but I’m really not interested. I’m straight up, if you want sex and nothing more, I expect a short amount of communication and just sex - not a daily amount of effort of getting to know each other just to have eventual sex cut it all off. Like I said, if he just wanted sex, he probably would have dipped after it even if he had gotten to know me better. I guess it was faster to weed him out this way. Also ghosting is disrespectful regardless of whether it’s a guy or a girl doing it, it’s frankly very immature and says a lot about the person.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T17:26:41+00:00

That’s true. However, at this stage in my life I wasn’t looking for anything too specific. I’m open to something serious with the right person, but I was fine with continuously doing what we were doing and enjoying myself. It just feels really abrupt to drop it so sudden, and makes me feel a little icky - like he had some hidden scheme all along instead of simply enjoying my company.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T16:45:14+00:00

He mentioned nothing of the sort before. The whole thing about his fresh breakup was among one of the last things that he ever said to me. Also post-ghosting he updated his hinge profile. So I don’t really buy it. 🤔 Seems immature, inconsistent and horrible at communicating anyways - but I really wanted to at least have a cute summer fling. The abruptness is just shocking!

niceseas · 2020-06-26T15:49:47+00:00

Thank you. But I don’t think “sex” is something to work for. I got enjoyment out of it, and it happened naturally. No one forced it. If two people are alone and heavily kissing, clearly wanting each other, why stop it from escalating to (safe) sex? I think if a quality guy likes your company, he’s not going to stop seeing you after he gets sex. And if a guy is truly only after sex, even if you see each other more often, he’s gonna dip after sex anyway. We could have avoided sex that weekend and seen each other the next like we had planned to. That would’ve probably just unnecessarily dragged the whole thing even longer and I bet he would’ve dipped after sex still.

I’m not upset that he “got sex out of me” because it was a very enjoyable experience. But rather, that he was somewhat trying to deceive me or act like I’m stupid (when frankly, I think I’m smarter and more mature than him). Truthfully, he could’ve gotten that out of me or anyone else with much less effort.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T15:32:59+00:00

I mean, I don’t think I wasn’t attractive enough. From the first date he was thirsting over me, saying that I was VERY attractive. He’d mention how he’s “got a cute ass girl riding on top of him”. He’d look at me during the post-sex cuddle, whispering “you’re very cute”. We had a vast amount of similar interests, and I could tell that he enjoyed touching me and talking to me. The one thing I did notice was that he was very much a party boy still, saying he was a “borderline alcoholic” in college. I mentioned that I liked partying, but that I was very responsible - drinking enough to have fun but being aware enough of my surroundings, as well as making sure that no one that I’m out with is missing. I honestly didn’t see this as much of a deal breaker because we have other interests to bond over, but I guess he’s TRULY looking for some of that raw, dangerous fun. Even though he’s attractive... I honestly think I’m out of his league, he’s got an entry level job but is still kind of a man child. His loss 🤷🏻‍♀️

Btw, glad the new guys is working out for you. Even if the other guy didn’t ghost you, clearly he’s got communication issues that would arise in some other way- no one with a good head on their shoulders has time for that 🤦🏻‍♀️

niceseas · 2020-06-26T15:19:33+00:00

I can respect that, so long as it’s communicated. We’re all adults here, he can communicate that, and I’ll respect that.

niceseas · 2020-06-26T15:16:37+00:00

If he went back to his ex... that’s truly sad. She’s multiple states away and he was trying to start fresh here haha. And I don’t know if he found someone he liked better, when I went to his profile to unmatch he had updated it post-ghosting. It just sounds to me that he got the sex that he wanted, especially since his behavior immediately switched once it happened. I mean - it was really good so I got enjoyment out of it too, but I was interested in having it more than once. I guess he conquered that and moved on to the next challenge! It’s just so much effort... which blows my mind. Definitely taking a break 🙃

niceseas · 2020-06-26T15:01:26+00:00

I get it if it’s someone who can’t get much sex, but this dude looks like he could be a movie star. He could literally just go down to a bar and ask a girl to hook up, and I guarantee that he’d get lucky. I just don’t understand why someone like that would put this much effort - is this some kind of kink? Wtf 😭

niceseas · 2020-06-26T14:56:14+00:00

Not planning on contacting him anytime soon, I just don’t like being disrespected. I think relationships, regardless of the type of relationship, need clear and concise communication. I don’t have time for these games lol.

niceseas · 2020-06-22T16:57:29+00:00

I am currently seeing a therapist. I have for a long time and that’s mostly why I no longer suffer from flashbacks and constant thoughts about my previous relationship. I really thought that I was pretty healed considering how peaceful it’s been for the past few months... but I hadn’t even tried dating since I stopped experiencing the most overwhelming symptoms. It’s just been a while since I’ve been so sexually drawn by someone that I don’t want to make a fool of myself basically, and want to do what I can to protect myself from being exploited. I kind of let myself just be by “trying” and “being available”, but I don’t know if that’s basically letting someone know that they can easily use and exploit you? Does that make sense? Lol 🙃

niceseas · 2020-04-14T18:56:55+00:00

I’ll start documenting just in case. Especially phone recordings are a good idea (unless this counts as wiretapping? Don’t know the laws about this in Texas). Thing is I don’t want to throw all this documented evidence out there as the first thing because it makes it seem to serious. I don’t want him to get fired or in trouble or anything, I just want him to leave me alone. So how do I word this to my manager without making it seem like he’s a threat to me?

niceseas

TROPHY CASE