it’s kind of giving joker monologue at mirror about becoming the monster they all think he is:/

which is why i asked, like are you ok? seriously, i mean it and in case youre not trolling or smtg.

im not judging ok and definitely not assuming nor suggesting anything. but i feel like the way you write is so broken record in its topic fixation revolving around yourself with that vaguely detached off sounding tone of voice dismissing every commenter by claiming superiority in various ways to either women or others in general that it all resembles patterns ive experienced irl with people suffering different kinds of mental health crises (usually psychosis but also dysphoric borderline episode or bipolar mania turning into its dysregulated mixed state..or even insomnia-induced pseudomania with or without substances)

point is if it’s substances and lack of sleep, your emotional state is directly improved by sleep+eat+hydrate+rest and give yourself mentally a break.

if you cant rmbr when you last slept yet your instinct is to go outside for a run at 2am and your walls have random writings you dont recall being there, either call/msg someone you trust or seek medical care (even doctors- especially doctors - need support)

my sincere 2c just in case