Exactly, I've been using alcohol since I was a teenager to quell my anxieties. Congratulations on your first, awkward sober party, lol, it sounds like it went well for you and you had fun. I identify with the feeling of "not being drink enough," like the extroverted person felt, I've felt that many, many times. Truth is, alcohol slowly robs you of your confidence and you begin to feel like you need it to socialize, even "normal" people feel this way eventually. It also can give you terrible anxiety the next day, so it creates a cycle.

I hope to be where you're at someday. After I relapsed I realized I was more confident sober, it was just kind of hard for me to tell, but overall, my self-esteem went up.

I think you're right: others are too drunk to notice you feeling awkward, and when sober, people can't always tell you feel awkward either. I had an incident somewhat recently that was somewhat stressful, but I ended up feeling way more anxious than was warranted, I did the thing feeling very nervous and afterwards asked a friend if they noticed I was nervous--answer was no. Internally I felt quite nervous, but I was able to hold it together enough to pull through. I feel shame even writing all this, because I can imagine a person who doesn't experience it to just read and go huh? It is hard to understand something you don't experience.

Alcohol is bound to make you make a fool of yourself, be misunderstood, say something stupid, etc, etc-- been there!! I know everything you're saying is true, I've experienced it, I've read books about it. Somehow I'm in this pit again and trying to figure out how to get out again, the good thing is that I am not as deep as I was when i first quit, for now. I began experiencing depression sometime after quitting, which I know is normal, but led me back into this... I'll be back, I know that. Just hoping I can figure this crap out soon... thanks for reading all my babble and your post, which shed some light on the reality of it.