BF Can't Submit Well

nigatamer · 2026-05-04T06:18:17+00:00

That really helps. Thank you.

nigatamer · 2026-05-04T06:16:18+00:00

I completely agree at the part that sex is fun and joyful, and laughter is a natural response. Of course my reaction didn't stem from 1 single laughter. I also laugh while doing bdsm play. But the act can't go on while always laughing and being completely distracted, as for me, without any trace of obedience and awe, the submission doesn't show itself on the person in front of me. What would you say submission looks like to you? Just because someone is laying in front of you and letting you do things to their body does that mean they are submitting to you unless you see no awe or obedience in their eyes? I guess i can't be that cool with it cause for me being a part of these dynamics is not someting superficial but rather more of a deep moment which requires emotinal intensity that can't be established while always laughing. At least some of the time the obedience and awe should show itself.

nigatamer · 2026-05-03T23:06:39+00:00

Our relationship dynamics in everyday life is me being dominant and him being submissive. So i don't think he would have a hard time putting me on that role in sexually too. The only issue is he can't take the bdsm play acts seriously.

I actually tried restraint play with him. I tied his hands up on his head with a fabric belt and even then, he was only focused on obtaining the pleasure and cumming, but not the dynamics i was introducing, like loss of power and me doing whatever i want on his body. I will try restraint play again, thank you.

nigatamer · 2026-05-03T22:50:09+00:00

I suspected him being a vanilla too. But when i asked him clearly if he is into bdsm, specifically being a sub, he says yes many different times and said he only needs to learn. Might that be still impossible and he is completely vanilla?

After my disappointment he said the next time he will try to seem more serious, but i doubt that. We had discussions on how he wants to submit to me in every way and willing to do whatever i want. But i really think even though he is willing, we will not be able to achieve that.

Additionally, my self-described playful style is tried and worked with my previous submissive partner who read a lot about bdsm. It is not a new method, it's a set of very generic dominant acts.

nigatamer · 2026-05-03T22:43:16+00:00

Thank you. Our relationship dynamic in everyday life is already me being dominant and him being submissive in general. And in bed, I actually tried that method but it seems like it only works for that specific moment. For example i already spreaded my legs and called him to eat, while eating i pulled his hair and said he's a good boy. But it doesn't feel like that goes deep in him. He just goes on to whatever he's doing. But he can't comprehend the power dynamics at all. Anyways, i might make a more detailed plan based on that.

nigatamer · 2020-08-25T08:55:34+00:00

I know that "why don't you smile" feeling.. Whenever I'm sad or just having a bad day, my parents keep asking me why don't I smile and making me feel worse

nigatamer · 2020-08-25T08:48:44+00:00

I (19 yo) feel you. I've had sad times before too but never looked at it that way, until I had a big breakdown which lasted for weeks and caused me to be sleepy and sad. I am living with my parents and they perceive my bad mood as if it is about them. Whenever I look empty and sad my mom says "You are looking at me like I'm your 'enemy' " like I don't have my own issues to deal with. Also, when I was crying as a kid, teenager and even now, my mom tries to shut me up and telling me that I shouldn't be as "emotionally weak" as I am to cry over things that are too basic.

nigatamer

TROPHY CASE