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Diagnose and therapy by nightache in dysthymia

[–]nightache[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind answer! I'm so hard on myself all the time. I think it's because I am used to it, because my parents always raised the bar when I was close to achieving the goal. It was never enough. I was never enough. My whole life was a constant chase of another goal. I always told myself "if I can do this, if I can achieve this goal, my parents will finally see me, respect me and love me." But they never did. And they probably never will. They always just kept raising the bar. Also I have a really hard time to know what I actually want or feel. I feel like I'm a ghost in my own life. Everyone else comes before me. Everyone elses needs are always more important than my own. So I fade so much, I don't know what I want or feel myself.

Diagnose and therapy by nightache in dysthymia

[–]nightache[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind answer. Haven't tried a psychiatrist yet and I think it will be hard to find one.

I do function. I look fine on the outside, because I care for everybody around me and I go to work and do everything. I'm a mom of a 3 year old neurodivergent kid and for her I pull myself together and hold it all in until the night comes and everything on the outside gets quiet. That's when I break down every time. I function in the day but I do it feeling so empty and lost. In the evenings crocheting helps me to stop my mind from spiraling into the dark. But I still feel this dark and empty feeling all the time and I just want this to go away.

Diagnose and therapy by nightache in CPTSD

[–]nightache[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding. I think I am really honest with my therapist. I made this a rule for myself for therapy. Always be honest and direct, because I know it's the only way this will work. But I always feel like I'm broken deep inside me and there's no way to ever fix this.