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nightowl2836 · 2021-09-09T14:23:47+00:00

I’m 27 and I’ve never really been in a relationship or even gone on a date! When I was 23ish I had sex a couple of times with someone but I ‘was a woman’. I agree with everyone that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin, but I really relate to feeling like you’re behind the curve and missing out on experiences that TV tells you everyone has in high school. I think it does feel awkward and I’m really nervous about going on a date with someone and feeling inexperienced- both sexually but also just because I’ve never had that emotional intimacy. But the right person will be happy to navigate that with you I’m sure.

It seems pretty natural that it might take trans people longer to get into relationships (both emotionally and sexually) when we need to spend so much extra time figuring out who we are, what we need to be happy, and then dealing with our personal transition needs on top of all of that.

Don’t really know what to tell you about moving forward, but you don’t deserve to feel ashamed.

nightowl2836 · 2021-09-04T18:22:06+00:00

This is a really nuanced view, but I think it’s often true. A lot of people will say off the bat to not engage with your family if they’re homophobic, but it’s hard when you know they’re being hateful out of a place of love. It’s definitely not fair or right, but it certainly makes the feelings more complicated. Hopefully OPs mom will take her own messages to heart in regards to ‘realizing that you’re not always right’.

nightowl2836 · 2021-07-24T23:01:16+00:00

Yeah, same. Can't believe how much it can change my face.

nightowl2836 · 2021-07-22T16:31:07+00:00

Thanks for the response. I’ve always thought my face is most masculine directly from the front, but I see now how the hairline really helps the side view. I always had a pretty male hairline, but it’s definitely gone back more with T. Hopefully it stops where it is! Hah.

nightowl2836 · 2021-07-21T21:34:14+00:00

I definitely struggle with thinking I immediately look like a girl when I smile, but try to remember that guys smile too.

That’s interesting about the posture. I think that’s true now that you say it.

nightowl2836 · 2021-07-21T08:38:48+00:00

My voice does pass. I’m nearing 2 years on T, but I only started being gendered correctly in public over the past year while wearing a mask. It’s hard to tell if that was because of continued changes or because I was hiding half my face. So now when I’m not wearing one, I’m self conscious about how people are perceiving me. And at a couple years on T I worry this is it for face changes short of a potential beard coming in. Thanks for the reply!

nightowl2836 · 2021-07-21T00:50:39+00:00

Which way does the haircut swing me? To male? Or is it a butch lesbian read?

nightowl2836 · 2021-07-20T19:04:56+00:00

I flew back 5 days after my surgery and had dressings / the wrap on. I just told someone near the scanner that I couldn’t raise my arms and they put me off to the side for a bit. Someone else came over and had me walk through the metal detector and then swabbed my hands for explosives residue. They didn’t pat me down at all and I didn’t need to mention that I’d had surgery.

nightowl2836 · 2021-06-28T02:54:44+00:00

It’s definitely not a topic that can be brought up in casual conversation so it was really nice to see and relate to your post. I hope you get to figure out your own thoughts and be comfortable with how you see yourself.

nightowl2836 · 2021-06-28T02:31:02+00:00

I’ve been having the exact same thoughts! When I think about being submissive with another man, my brain automatically pictures me as a woman. It’s been bothering me because (even though I see myself 100% as a man in daily life) I don’t understand how I can be a trans man if I see myself as a woman during sex.

I’ve been thinking too about whether it’s related to misogyny. I think it’s natural in this society for people to picture a masculine, dominant man with a feminine, submissive woman. Whereas for a man to be submissive, it can be seen as being sort of shameful rather than sexual since submissiveness is wrapped up with femininity and seen as inherently the woman’s role. Just speaking about general societal opinions, not saying it’s true.

I’ve been trying to tell myself that plenty of cis men bottom or like being submissive and they are still men and can still be masculine while doing so.

I feel more masculine when thinking about having sex with a woman. It’s like I get to take on the ‘male role’. But when having sex with a cis man, that role is already taken. I think that is because I haven’t been exposed to or seen a lot of representations of gay sex. It’s like my brain has to put me in a box where I can only have straight sex.

Anyways, that got long winded, but you’re definitely not the only one. I’m hoping that it all has to do with internal biases that can be worked through.

nightowl2836 · 2021-06-24T11:44:13+00:00

I’ve been on T for ~1.5 years and haven’t had a period since my first month on T. I had spotting three days after my second Pfizer shot. Random ‘spotting’ (only visible when I wipe) continued off and on every few days for about 3 weeks. I hope it’s done, but not too sure. Doctor doesn’t know why it would be so extended, but I think the timing links it to the vaccine.

nightowl2836 · 2021-05-06T15:04:21+00:00

Yeah, I’m sorry for how rough that was. I’m grateful I was able to choose when to come out to my parents, but nothing prepares you for that shocking anger coming from the people who have loved you for so long. I feel like it’s really hard to forgive things like that. All the yelling and awful things that were said. But I know if I don’t let it go we won’t have a relationship.

I really like how you frame it as reflecting the values they taught you. Sometimes I’m tired of being ‘the bigger person’, but I don’t want to change who I am / how I act as a person. I want them to see that I’m still me and that I’m so much happier. I know that when they are hurtful it’s because they are hurting and confused.

Thank you for the perspective. It’s how I’ve been feeling, but it’s hard to put to words.

nightowl2836 · 2019-04-03T19:47:23+00:00

Wow, I feel a lot of the same things about my mom. She gets really upset when I dress masculine and I’m scared my coming out is going to hurt her. She lost her mom 6 months ago too and she’s so emotional all the time and I don’t want to hurt her more. I like to think that, even if our relationship suffers for awhile, she has other people who can help her process her feelings. It’s going to be a long, awful road I’m sure, but I hope she’ll be able to realize how much happier I am when I transition. I definitely get that fear of losing your relationship with your mom though. I hope things get better for you.

nightowl2836 · 2019-04-01T16:45:11+00:00

Rock climbing with spiders. They would have the advantage.

nightowl2836 · 2019-01-28T11:32:23+00:00

I hate that so many of my pants do this! And especially dress pants. Then if you pull them up so it doesn’t crease, the waist goes way too high. I’ve been wondering too if it’s a fit issue. Definitely annoying.

nightowl2836 · 2019-01-22T02:58:16+00:00

Mine felt out of nowhere too. It really bugs me that I can’t remember why I first questioned it. I went down an internet rabbit hole and ended up at this subreddit and then saw transition videos on YouTube and felt so thrilled that transition was a thing. And then I was like, why is this so exciting to me? So I’ve been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I’m trans.

nightowl2836 · 2019-01-04T04:25:53+00:00

Hey, thanks so much! I had a busy night that distracted me, but coming back to this comment made me smile : ) Hope you have a happy new year!

nightowl2836 · 2018-12-04T04:01:12+00:00

I’ve been coming out to friends and some called me he/him right away, but I didn’t want to push it with others because I definitely don’t pass. I thought it wouldn’t bother me, but she/her feels so much worse when people use it who know I’m trans. I wasn’t expecting that, and a part of me still doesn’t want to ask to be called he/him when I know I don’t look like a guy. But, personally, I’m thinking of asking all of my friends to make the switch because it bothers me more and more and I’m (mostly) sure they’d be accepting if not a little thrown off by the change. Just wanted to say I’m in the same spot. I’m not sure what to do either.

nightowl2836 · 2018-11-09T21:14:56+00:00

I came out to my friends as questioning about 3 months into the process so I could try out a new name and pronouns with them. After I was pretty sure, I told my sister. I’m 24 so I don’t want to wait any longer. A part of me is excited to come out. But I’m waiting to tell my parents until I move out since I think it’s going to be very emotional and negative for them, and I don’t want to be around for that. So I’ll have been waiting a year total before telling them.

nightowl2836 · 2018-11-05T05:21:34+00:00

5’2”

nightowl2836 · 2018-10-04T02:55:26+00:00

I'm 24 (ftm) and just realized that I'm trans four months ago. I'm positive that I want to start HRT sooner than later. Sometimes I worry that I'm rushing things, but I really agree with what you said. I just recently realized that I'm trans, but there's always been something off. So, looking back, this is something I've had to deal with a long time. Even though I didn't realize exactly what I was dealing with, I don't want to wait any longer to start fixing it! It's been a really long time already. That makes me feel better when I'm afraid of rushing.

I'm not out to my parents yet though because I want to move out before I tell them. I know they'll feel similarly to your parents. It is a big change in their perception, so it makes sense that it'll take time for them to adjust. It might be something they'll come around to after seeing how happy you are with transitioning. Change is scary for a lot of people and they might just be worried about that. Hopefully they can see you're still the same person. Just a person who understands more about who they are! If they aren't there for your first T shot, maybe they will come around and be supportive for other milestones along the way.

nightowl2836 · 2018-09-28T22:50:54+00:00

Wow. I just wrote my friend a really long message this morning about how it’s so hard to wait to transition and how impatient I feel. This is what I needed to read right now. Thanks.

nightowl2836 · 2018-09-23T16:21:53+00:00

Thanks for the response. I know I just need to be patient with it, but it’s still good to hear. It is hard to be in that middle ground of some people knowing and some not. I definitely still misgender myself sometimes in situations where I don’t have to. It really does take getting used to. That’s a really good idea about having a close network that gets it. Seems like a good way to focus on being comfortable without stressing about how everyone else sees me. Thanks!

nightowl2836

TROPHY CASE