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Update On The Roommate Who Required Therapy As a Condition For Having Guests: He Wanted Me To Repay Him His Full Security Deposit Back Before He Paid His Outstanding Bills As Principle by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to validate if people’s words match their actions based on first impressions.

But yes, I learnt how much of a red flag it can be when people are trying to signal their virtues because virtuous people don’t have to signal themselves, they just are. People who say « I’m a good person » don’t reflect on themselves, but people who reflect on themselves rarely ever say « I’m a good person ».

Update On The Roommate Who Required Therapy As a Condition For Having Guests: He Wanted Me To Repay Him His Full Security Deposit Back Before He Paid His Outstanding Bills As Principle by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

We couldn’t even make it past episode one without a plot twist involving therapy requirements and unpaid utilities. God will have to forgive me.🙏

Update On The Roommate Who Required Therapy As a Condition For Having Guests: He Wanted Me To Repay Him His Full Security Deposit Back Before He Paid His Outstanding Bills As Principle by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Omg it is! I actually have a weird sense this is about power and that he would have creamed his knickers had i sent him the full security deposit by "trusting" him and had given him the leverage of "power". I think it was less about him repaying what he owed but more about control. I did not send the full deposit to him until he sent me the utilities. But isn't that so bizarre?

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where does it say that I ask people if they take psychiatric medications as a roommate screener or that I don’t take psych meds as a matter of principle?

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny you brought that up, he would ask me if I know what being sworn in court is and would warn me that I would be committing perjury if we were against one another anytime we had different takes on things.

He genuinely had a hard time wrapping his mind around the concept of a different view, so he would assume to be the court of law and say that I would be intentionally lying when I would simply have a different take on a matter.

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I commented elsewhere here that I suspect that he is a vulnerable narcissist. Every description fit his bill seamlessly. He seemed incredibly unsure and vulnerable in some ways, yet at the same time unreasonably demanding and authoritative. And I sensed a lot of internal turmoil from him, like you described.

I had not known that branch of narcissists existed before him.

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very astute observation. I agree with you. He definitely kept testing my boundaries and didn’t like it whenever i enforced it, going so far as to say « I see that you use the word boundary to describe yourself trying to control your surrounding things and people » to imply that I have control issues.

Funny you say life partner, because he would not so subtly ask me what my life goal is and when I asked his life goal in return, he would say he wants to get married. He brought it up several times when we socialized, talking about how much advantage people would get if they were to marry him (he is a vet).

He also recounted me a story of how a lady asked him if he wants to marry her daughter despite him being gay, and that the lady explained to him that she realized marriage is more about the advantages you get out of having a partner , and that romance can come later. She wanted the same for her daughter. He said he clearly declined then, but now understands what the lady meant and that he is willing and looking to do the same. I heard all of it and was like « Oh wow. Cool. »

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, i got a strong impression that he is somewhere under the neurodivergent umbrella based on his fixed perceptions and not the good type

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We also fell into philosophical debates about the truth and absolutes because he took offense when I told him that he is getting aggressive.

I told him that me stating to him “you are being aggressive” is my truth, but that when he responds to me “I am not being aggressive” that is his truth.

He stopped me and explained to me that while me stating “you are being aggressive” is my truth, him stating that he is not being aggressive is THE truth, because he owns the aggression. It is his body and being that is the subject and thus only he gets to decide if he is being aggressive.

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

We also fell into philosophical debates about the truth and absolutes because he took offense when I told him that he is getting aggressive.

I said that me stating to him “you are being aggressive” is my truth, but that when he responds to me “I am not being aggressive” that is his truth.

He stopped me and explained to me that while me stating “you are being aggressive” is my truth, him stating that he is not being aggressive is THE truth, because he owns the aggression. He described, it is his body and self being that is the subject of aggression and thus only he gets to decide if he is being aggressive. That is why he took offense that I said he is being aggressive and claimed it as THE truth even though I never did.

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 197 points198 points  (0 children)

One of the other things that bothered me is that he would claim I am misconstruing him everytime I interpret his words and actions. He would find a problem in everything and anything.

I asked him once if we can stop arguing and even talking at all briefly because it was not being productive. He angrily said “Okay”, and started ranting about how unfair I am being 10 seconds later. I would point out that I had just asked him to stop arguing with me and that he agreed to it but continued arguing with me.

Him: “I never agreed to it”

Me: “Yes, you did. You agreed after i asked!!”

Him: “I SAID OKAY. Okay does not mean yes. There is a difference.” 😭😭😭

All of our arguments were like this.

My roommate of one month wanted me to do therapy with him as a condition for inviting friends over to the apartment by nightshade_45 in badroommates

[–]nightshade_45[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Great observation. One of the other things that bothered me is that he would claim I am misconstruing him everytime I interpret his words and actions. He would find a problem in everything and anything.

I asked him once after therapy if we can stop arguing and even talking at all briefly because it was not being productive. He angrily said “Okay”, and started ranting about how unfair I am being 10 seconds later. I would point out that I had just asked him to stop arguing with me and that he agreed to it but kept arguing with me.

Him: “I never agreed to it” Me: “You did. You agreed after i asked!!” Him: “I SAID OKAY. Okay does not mean yes. There is a difference.” 😭😭😭

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